TOPIC: My AA Journal

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Wednesday:
- Completed Day 40b (21/40 reps and one failed rep for a total of 41/40 reps)
- did them at the local college campus which was busy with orientation activities again
- it took approx. 30 minutes (I bumped into a buddy of mine and talked to him for a bit so it was probably more like 25 minutes)
- did my first rep as soon as I stepped into the building on the first girl I saw who was actually really cute (her name was Celine)
- this was probably my favourite rep of the day and she had a pretty good reaction (I clearly could have continued the interaction because she was into it)
- I later drilled on a girl walking in a pair who didn't want to high five because she was afraid of germs (she said this) but she suggested a fist bump instead so I went along with it and counted it as a rep
- I could hear the girls laughing about it as I walked away in a 'wtf just happened' kind of way
- the orientation stuff is for first year students so if they think that what I did is going to be a typical thing in college based on a first impression, they're sadly mistaken (they will have to deal with regular loser guys in a school with a large ratio of girls to guys)
- I saw these girls again while lurking the halls two or three times after and just smiled and once said, "Sup?" as I walked by and the girls just giggled
- my 20th rep was on a mom standing alone who was pretty decent looking but she was middle-aged so I happily did an extra 21st rep when the opportunity presented itself on the walk back to my car (I'd like to think I would have done that extra rep regardless of whether the 20th was questionable or not)
- this bonus rep seemed to be waiting for more to happen but I left as per the drill
- one rep failed today where the girl didn't give me a high five but the rest were all decent (neutral or positive)
- I'm getting a hang of the genuine skepticism tone especially after listening to and analyzing the video of my reps yesterday and it's showing in the interactions
- I didn't record video footage today since it was just a repeat of the first 20 reps and the glasses subtract from my appearance (they look pretty dorky, and especially don't fit in with the backwards hat I was wearing and muscle shirt)
- technically that would just make it harder to have good interactions which can be viewed as 'better' exposure therapy, but that would make the reps take longer due to increased failures and I wanted to get done quickly today
- having lots of good reactions is also good exposure therapy to have as well
- my skin was randomly bad today (I'm guessing it had something to due with the sunscreen I piled on during my day at the beach which I didn't get a chance to wash off for 15 hours or so) so it was good exposure therapy to drill when not looking my best
- if I had bad skin in the past, I'd let it deter me from trying with girls even though I was aware it always looks way worse to you than it does to others so it was nice to see that I still got good reactions when my skin was acting up to address that fear
- drilling in a much more crowded place with these vulnerable drills is really helpful for addressing the fears of people witnessing what you're doing (it did help to do the first few days while the campuses were barren though to introduce me to the new style of drills without people around but is was just helpful, not mandatory by any means)
- not only am I barely feeling anxiety due to people potentially watching me drill, I'm really starting to embrace a mindset of 'look at my balls'/'watch and learn'
- people can think whatever they want while I do what I want for ME and I'm just going to assume they're blown away and impressed because they should be
- what I'm doing takes balls and regardless of what others tell themselves, they wish they could do what we do on GLL if they're guys and wish guys they're attracted to would do these things to them if they're girls
- if they have anything negative to think about what I'm doing, that's on them and whether or not they ever face the truth is not a concern to me
- Day 41 starts tomorrow!

Thursday:
- Completed Day 41 (22/20 reps with around 4 failed reps) in approx. 40 minutes
- did the reps at the local college campus which wasn't as busy as the last two days but still had a decent selection of girls
- I decided to only film the first half of the reps with my camera glasses so I could experience some of the drills without looking ridiculous as well
- the camera glasses look pretty nerdy and I was self conscious about wearing them so I have to admit I was a little less aggressive with my drilling with them on
- I wasn't really self conscious at the mall two days earlier because it was in another city but I'll be seen around this campus a lot so I'd ideally want to look good while drilling on these girls
- I still did it anyways because it doesn't really matter all that much when you embrace the abundance mentality
- the reactions were still pretty decent with the glasses on though as you can see in my rep video
- one funny failed rep happened where I drilled on some foreign woman near an empty stroller who was a bitch and her husband appeared somehow and got defensive
- this rep is in the video and I handled it fine, just like the angry black dude in the last video
- I messed up the order of the time and directions for the last two reps in the first half but I don't see that being a big deal so I counted the reps
- in the second half, I believe there was just one failed rep and I was more aggressive with my drilling both in terms of my delivery and in terms of the quality of girls I targeted (I generally drilled on more attractive girls in the second half while I let some good opportunities go by in the first half)
- one good rep in the second half was on a fairly decent girl who was pretty into the interaction and looked disappointed when I started asking questions instead of pursuing her
- another good rep in the second half was on a girl who was actually super hot
- I approached this girl while she was eating her lunch alone at a table for one and didn't realize how much of a rocket she was till I was looking her in the face
- this girl was totally receptive and looked like she was expecting more and it sucks that I had to leave early on but it's times like these that I have to remind myself that I'm just drilling right now and that I have to embrace the abundance mentality to follow the program properly (this girl was a cute, time, directions drill)
- one chubbier girl I drilled on said thanks and told me she thought I was attractive too which was a first for me in the 'you're cute' drills
- Chris said in the Day 41 audio that girls who are available and who are into you won't (usually) say this (I'm guessing due to shyness or wanting to see where you take it on your own) so she probably knew I was just being nice and wasn't actually hitting on her
- after finishing my 20 reps, I decided to go for a bonus rep because I saw the opportunity to do so on a blonde girl walking in a pair
- the girls walked past me and the girl I drilled on looked back at me with a pretty weird look
- I partly did this rep because I didn't really have any bad reactions today and was open to doing extra reps for the bonus exposure therapy associated with bad reactions so it was good it happened
- after seeing the look on her face, I realized that I may have already drilled on her before (I recognized her when she made the face at me --- it was the same face she made last time) but that's going to happen from time to time
- repeats are going to happen and if people get weirded out, that's just the way it is
- after doing this bonus rep, I saw another opportunity to do a bonus rep on the way back to my car
- she smiled and said thanks so I was able to finish on a good note which was nice
- I noticed that regardless of whether I passed the 'initial judgment window' favourably or not, as soon as I asked for the time, the mood changed and it was obvious to both parties instantly
- what I mean by this is that it became apparent that the interaction was ending as soon as I stopped being aggressive regardless of whether the girl was into the interaction or not
- I found this would either create a sense of relief in the girls not into the interaction/the shy ones who felt put on the spot or it would create a slight disappointment in the ones who were into the interaction and eager to see where it went
- Day 42 tomorrow!
- video of half the reps below:

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Thursday night:
- went out with my buddy
- some girl my buddy knew came and he ended up chilling with her so I ended up doing my own thing
- wasn't feeling it for some reason but I told myself I might as well try and approach at least once
- this approach went really well and resulted in the girl offering to buy me a shot (I told her I don't buy girls drinks but if she wanted to get us shots then I was down)
- she chose tequila which historically doesn't sit well with me and hits me hard
- I ended up getting too drunk and realized this at the bar and left early as a result and don't remember anything too eventful happening at the bar
- texted the girl a bit the next day but it just doesn't seem worth it to invest time and energy into this even though she's pretty cute so I'll probably just move on

Friday:
- was hungover from Thursday night pretty bad so the day was mostly spent recovering (no drills)
- went out at night with some friends anticipating busy bars since frosh week is next week but they weren't all that great
- controlled my alcohol intake really well tonight and aggressively approached somewhere around 10-15 girls
- three reactions were pretty good
- one girl kept rubbing me and was really into the interaction (I kept getting in really close and she was loving it) but said she couldn't leave her friend and they were a 'packaged deal' but I took her away anyways and we made out and danced a bit but she got anxious and said she needed to stay with her friend so I just let it go
- one girl was looking for her friends and invited me to the dance floor with her to find them but I let her go because I wasn't feeling the dance floor at that time
- I saw this girl later and talked to her while she was waiting for her friends to get back from the bathroom and my friends came by saying one got kicked out for no reason and that they were going to another bar
- I got the girls number and left the bar and we've texted a bit since but like I said above, I'm not really into pursuing girls via text when the bar is so much more efficient so I'll probably let it go
- a third girl also invited me to the dance floor after we exchanged numbers and I said I'd find her later and eventually did
- this girl was with a friend who had a boyfriend (he wasn't there) that I hit on initially to start the interaction and she clearly approved of me going after her friend
- when I found her on the dance floor, she was super into me and kept rubbing me and we made out a bit
- this was towards the end of the night and I asked her where she was staying that night to move things along
- normally I'd just tell her to follow me but I'm between rentals at the moment and don't get my new place till the 3rd so I had nowhere to take her (the plan was to stay at my friend's parents house if I wasn't successful)
- she got nervous about it and said that she doesn't do stuff like that and that I already had her number so I said bye and left meet up with my friends to go home
- texted her a bit too but once again I'm not really into pursuing girls outside the bar at this point in time (unless they're exceptional) so I'm going to let it go too
- one other interaction resulted in the girl saying I was cute too but that she has a boyfriend
- the other girls were all clearly not interested and their interactions were mostly cold responses (aimed at ending the conversation quickly) so I just moved on in those cases, no big deal
- this night was mediocre but since frosh week is coming, I know the coming week will be way better so I have that to look forward to

Saturday:
- went to a popular camp site to chill with my friends during the day since the weather was great but it was oddly dead
- there were absolutely no girls in the ideal age range to drill on or talk to so I didn't end up drilling today
- I have work Saturday nights as well so I just spent the day catching up on work and chores when I got home
- tomorrow I'm going to the beach during the day with friends so I won't be able to drill then either (drills don't count with friends) but I will hit Day 42 on Monday
- I don't like waiting so many days between drills but I'm still doing challenging things in the mean time (gonna cream some girls at the beach again tomorrow) and I usually take weekends off anyways so I think it's alright

Sunday:
- didn't end up going to the beach but chilled with friends during the day and went out at night to kick off frosh week
- hit on a bunch of girls aggressively
- most were neutral reactions and one was a good reaction
- the girl who reacted well was talking with me for a bit but an angry friend found her and pulled her away and told me the girl has a boyfriend
- the girl I was talking to told me she's noticed me at clubs before (the way she said it implied she meant it in a good way) which was cool

Monday:
- spent the day recovering again from going hard the night before
- I'm not happy I've taken so many days off in a row (4) so I will make sure to do Day 42 tomorrow
- this weekend was really busy and tiring but I can't let the momentum die so I will hit up a campus tomorrow morning
- I'm anticipating finishing quickly since frosh week has begun and the campus I'm going to will be extremely busy

Tuesday:
- Completed Day 42a (14/20 reps)
- did the reps at a university campus that had a decent amount of people around in about 55 minutes (very slow... I know)
- I decided to try hanging my camera glasses on my beater so I wouldn't have to wear them on my face and lower my 'looks'
- this ended up being a disaster because the glasses shook around like crazy and pointed in random directions during the interactions
- as a result, the video footage was pretty poor
- to make matters worse, my camera glasses kept dying and missed a lot of the reps, so the video is pretty incomplete
- the video isn't really worth watching because it's so shaky and incomplete, but I uploaded it anyways
- the camera glasses were bought on AliExpress so I was expecting the battery to start performing poorly but not so soon
- it was really hard to get into it today and I was in an extremely low state when I started
- I had taken a bunch of days off and although I knew I couldn't give in to it, I had a voice telling me that I wasn't in the mood to do it and it wouldn't hurt to take another day off
- Chris said that it's times like these when it's the most important to force yourself to go out anyways, so I did
- I told myself I was nearby the campus anyways and I'd just do one rep and see how things went
- you can probably tell by listening to the footage that I was low state
- after my first two reps, I had a failed rep where the girl just looked at me and kept walking when I went for the handshake and this slowed down the momentum I was building (I didn't go for my next rep for a while)
- I felt like just leaving it at those reps and had a voice telling me, "I at least made it out to drill and could go harder tomorrow."
- instead of quitting, I told myself I had to at least finish the first set and then I could decide what to do from there
- I kept making new goals like this as I met them to keep me going
- eventually it started to lightly rain after rep 12, so I headed back towards my car and did rep 13 and 14 while walking back
- one rep was on an extremely cute girl (it's not in the video because my camera died for the first time right as I approached her which is annoying) and it led to a pretty neutral reaction
- this girl was with a much less attractive friend who seemed angry I had focused on her friend and 'completely ignored her' (even though I did try to give her a glance or two to include her a bit)
- rep 14 was on a slightly chubbier girl who was really into the interaction and called me cute as well (not in the video)
- she was eager for the interaction to proceed but I cut it off where I was supposed to and didn't want to continue it anyway
- there was only one failed rep (in the video) today and the reactions were either neutral or positive in most cases otherwise
- I passed on quite a few opportunities but I attribute that to my lack of momentum and low state rather than anxiety
- I'm happy I forced myself to do the reps and know now that I shouldn't let myself take too many days off in a row
- as I did the reps, I started getting into a better state, so my delivery sounded less weak than it did in the first few reps later on (not really seen in the video because my camera kept dying)
- I also started to change the way I say 'hey' in the reps but this was also mostly seen in the later reps which weren't recorded
- instead of saying 'hey' in a nice guy tone, I started saying it more commandingly
- this resulted in me looking less like I needed something from the girl and more like I was telling them to stop (the 'hey' alone communicated the 'hey hold up' concept)
- the girls would stop (slightly startled) when they heard me say 'hey' from a distance and wait for me to finish walking up to them for the interaction rather than just keep walking and stop when they heard my compliment like they did when I used a 'nicer' tone
- of course, you can only take the commanding tone so far before it becomes scary, so I'll experiment some more to find a good balance
- I'm finding that since I've done drills like these so many times and since I've become a lot more desensitized to bad reactions I feel equipped to make this change in tone
- in the past, I figure I'd use a nice tone in hopes that the girl would see it as less aggressive and they'd 'let' me finish my rep
- going forward, I'm going to use a commanding tone and if it scares them off, I'll just succeed with someone else; I'm not going to let myself try to make the drill more comfortable at the expense of my alpha vibe
- I started using the name 'Chad' partly to better hide my identity but mainly as a joke ('Chad' is an alpha male joke in case you're unaware)
- for one rep, I almost said 'Michael' just out of habit but I cut myself off with 'Chad' and the girl didn't really notice
- I messed up the order for the drill right after this but I still counted it
- I found that the handshake is a really good way to pull a girl back in who seems like she's fighting the urge to walk away
- I'll finish Day 42 tomorrow and get started on 43 too (hopefully finish it as well)
- video of the reps below:

Tuesday night:
- went out with a buddy
- controlled my drinking pretty well and WENT TO TOWN on approaching
- I approached something like 25 girls aggressively
- a lot of girls seemed completely uninterested and I had some bad reactions
- one girl (really nice body) was flirting with me but said she had a boyfriend after introducing me to her two friends who were watching us
- she kept asking why I was making a face/giving her a look and I pretended that I didn't know what she was talking about
- we kept talking for a bit but she left with her two friends and I didn't deem her worth pursuing based on our conversation
- I actually had success with one girl who was really into me
- she asked what time I was leaving and told me she'd find me later because she was with friends she hadn't seen for 5 months
- she found me a little later and got my number and told me she'd find me again (she just wanted to make sure she got my number I guess)
- my buddy wanted to go elsewhere and I didn't see her around (she apparently was still there though) so we left
- after leaving the second bar (a bunch of my approaches were there too), we did a double set on two girls on the street and got their numbers but I don't think they were actually all that into it (I just got the number of the girl I was with for the sake of getting it)
- I'm confused at the poor reception I received while out but I'm PUMPED I was so active

Wednesday:
- Completed Day 42b (6/20 reps with one failed rep for a total of 20/20 reps) and 43a (2/21 reps with two failed reps)
- did the reps at a mall in a nearby city since I was there anyways
- I was at the mall for around an hour and a half but I ran into someone I went to school with from grade 2 till the end of high school so I ended up hanging with him for a while so the total time is meaningless
- a friend he knew showed up and I hung out with him too
- apparently they're into 'game' and were practicing at the mall
- I told them about the GLL community and that they should look into it and see if they prefer the GLL stuff to 'game' (as we all know they should)
- I wasn't GETTING IN THERE as much as I'd have liked to
- like I've previously said multiple times before, I really prefer campuses to malls because they're quicker, easier to get momentum at due to the perfect demographic, and usually lead to much more favourable interactions
- I just decided to leave the Day 43 reps for a campus because I was taking so long at the mall and the girls weren't letting me do the reps completely (campus girls are much cooler so I'll do the drills on them)
- I accidentally said my name for the 1st rep of Day 43 which wasn't supposed to be till the 2nd rep but I still counted it because they're the exact same difficulty
- I have a full day of work from 12 pm - 3 am tomorrow so between that and the gym, I won't be able to go drilling but will do more Day 43 reps the next day
- video of the reps below:

Thursday:
- as I indicated in the previous post, this day was dedicated to work (12 pm - 3 am) and was brutal (included 4 hours of driving) so I didn't drill

Friday:
- was extremely tired from the day before and didn't make it out to drill (I woke up really late and the campuses would have been dead by the time I went)
- at night, I went out with a buddy and we hit up 4 bars because the one we wanted to go to was at capacity and had a huge line
- started at club-style bar which was empty so we decided to temporarily go to a different bar to see who was there and come back when the first bar had picked up a bit more
- the second place was a pub-style bar where I aggressively approached three girls (one wasn't interested and two were)
- got a number from one of the three girls
- when I walked into this bar, I saw one girl who I found really cute in a group of six or so girls and told myself I was going to approach her before I left (she was in an impossible position at the time, so I drilled on someone else --- the other girl who was interested)
- my friend was ready to go back to the first bar and I told him to wait and approached the girl I initially picked out while she was standing in the group of 6 in a more accessible location
- her friends obviously approved because they eagerly left her with me right away and I ended up getting her number
- I told her I was going to a different bar and that she should come later too (she brought her group there shortly after)
- once we got back to the first bar, I aggressively approached a few girls to no avail
- the girl who brought her friends to this bar was drunk and her messages giving me her location weren't making much sense so I let it go (the bar was really crowded at this time)
- the crowd wasn't to our liking so we went to a third bar
- I aggressively approached three girls here
- I took one to the dance floor but she left and told me she was embarrassed about being an awkward dancer (wtf?)
- the second talked to me for a bit but said she had to stay with her (fat) friend and wasn't out to meet anyone
- the third wasn't interested
- we decided to call it an early night because the crowd was shitty here too
- while walking to get food, I stopped in at the bar I work at to see what it was like (my friend is banned from the bar so we agreed he'd go grab his food and we'd meet up after)
- the crowd here was shitty at this time (approaching 2 am) so I left and went to meet my buddy
- on the walk home, we met some Serbian chicks walking with two betas who obviously weren't getting laid
- I got the hotter one's number (pretty hot girl) while the betas quietly watched and we chatted for a bit
- I invited them to come see me DJ the following night with their friends (which they did) and we went home (my buddy crashed at my place)

Saturday:
- since I take weekends off from drilling, no drills were done today
- instead, I focused on catching up on chores and work and did my meal prep for the week before DJing at night

Sunday:
- I don't drill on Sundays either so I ended up catching up on work and doing chores again
- went shopping and tried on a bunch of shirts and picked two out that I really like
- I've decided my style game needs a lot of work so it was a good step forward on that front
- it's daunting going into it knowing how many pieces of clothing I'll have to pick and get fitted but all I have to do is take it one step at a time instead of trying to figure it all out at once and it'll be manageable
- I focused on texture and fit rather than just pattern and colour and will see how the shirts work out for me
- as always, there's a bunch of extra material around my waist area due to my physique so the shirts will have to be altered
- I have a place in mind I want to try out and will do so in the near future

Monday:
- Completed Day 43b (20/21 reps and one failed rep for a total of 22/21 reps)
- the reps took approx. half an hour and were done at the nearby college campus
- I was feeling a bit off since I took so many days off from drilling again due to a heavy work week (first week back for students = lots of DJ work)
- I pushed myself to go out to drill first thing in the morning and embraced the strange feeling in my stomach as excitement rather than anxiety (as per Chris' audio for the day)
- I made sure to GET IN THERE and tell myself to do so any time I was about to let an opportunity pass
- gotta say it again... I love college chicks for drills --- the reactions were so much more favourable and the girls are all in the perfect age range
- a lot of the reactions were pretty positive and it was obvious in some cases that the girl expected more
- some girls seemed like they were dealing with their own anxiety and didn't know how to handle the situation even though they were into the interaction
- one failed rep occurred where the girl walked off slightly weirded out as I said my name and I didn't get the handshake
- a few were neutral reactions but all in all it went really well
- the college was very crowded so it was nice to have worked on the fear of people witnessing me drilling in the past so effectively that I really didn't notice whether people were witnessing my balls or not
- I did 'feel the crowd' a bit, but I chose to embrace this and assume they were thinking positively about what I was doing and that they were impressed (which they should be)
- the worst reps were probably the last two where the second last failed and the last one was just awkward
- the last rep was on a girl with her friend who were looking at a floor plan posted on a wall
- the girl I addressed ended up pointing to the map and awkwardly saying, "I'm just trying to figure out how to get somewhere," after we exchanged names
- I ignored her weirdness, said, "Take care," and moved on
- after this final rep, while walking outside to my car, I saw a girl sitting at a bench and decided to go for a bonus rep just for the extra exposure therapy
- I did a full third rep (of the set of 3) on her
- after the high five and calling her cute, she said, "I needed that today," in a happy tone (which is confusing because she didn't sound sad at all but you'd expect that phrase to be said sadly)
- instead of asking her what she was talking about, I just continued the drill and moved on
- I brought my camera glasses with me with the intention of recording some of the final reps (after I got some momentum going), but the reps were going so good and I was enjoying them so much that I didn't want to sully the interactions with the ridiculous looking glasses (today at least) --- I just didn't feel like it
- this means there's no video today... sorry guys!
- Day 44 tomorrow!

Quick thought about my current freedom when going out:

- I initially wanted to do this program to help me with approaching girls at the bar
- I'd almost always find myself pussying out of approaching girls I wanted to talk to (if I did have success, it was just a fluke/'luck')
- even without finishing the program yet (which I definitely plan to do), I'm now able to do what I set out to do with ease (it's still not EXTREMELY easy, but I can and have been doing it --- a lot)
- I don't make excuses by saying things like, "I'll do it in a bit," or, "Maybe after another drink," or, "I'm not drunk enough yet. I don't NEED to be drunk, but I'd LIKE to have more of a buzz first," anymore
- I am SO PUMPED about this
- I'm not having as much success as I'd like to have with the interactions, but I don't care because I'm a work in progress
- I'm still working on myself and have some more work to do before I'm seen clearly as a guy girls want to fuck
- also, I need to hone my 'killer instinct', which will come with repetition and experience
- because I know this, I'm not letting the lack of pussy bother me... I know it will come
- what matters is that I can now TRY to get pussy with relative ease
- a 2+ year struggle (of dedicated weekly barring) has now been relieved and this is monumental for me...
- I'm so grateful to GLL and the community for helping me get here and can't wait to see what the rest of the AA program brings me and what the future has in store

Tuesday:
- had a dentist appointment in the morning (the last of the three recent dentist trips I had to make thankfully) in a different city and I figured by the time I got back and went to the gym, the campuses wouldn't be busy enough to drill efficiently, so I skipped today
- I probably would've still tried to drill at the mall by the dentist but because it was an eye contact day, I decided it would be a waste of time to do it anywhere other than a campus
- I went out at night with two friends and made some new realizations
- I ended up approaching anywhere from 20-40 girls (I know it's a huge range but basically I was just approaching EVERYONE)
- realistically it was probably 30 girls
- my friends (who approached zero girls) even asked if there was any girl I didn't talk to while we were there
- the last girl I approached really threw me off because she said, "Do you know how many girls I've heard you say that to tonight? You said that to all my friends. You're cute too but..."
- then she rolled her eyes or something and walked off
- I didn't approach girl after girl or anything, it was just sporadic throughout the night, so I had no idea I'd approached multiple girls in the same social circles (though I wouldn't have doubted it if you told me)
- I realized that it isn't the best idea to approach a ton of girls in REAL practice with the exact same line (cute, introduction) because girls see what you're doing and talk
- this means I need to approach different girls differently (the lines I use shouldn't be blatantly the exact same for every girl)
- I also need to dial it back with the volume and start 'pre-screening' more by assessing body language and by initiating eye contact because going on savage approach rampages will evidently earn me a bad rep
- so less total reps, more purposeful reps, and more diverse dialogue
- using the same opener for each scenario wouldn't be as bad if it was just saying hi and saying my name but giving the exact same compliment to 30 girls in a room is probably a bad idea (unless you're doing drills where it's required)
- up until now, I've embraced the mentality that girls have fish brains and don't remember anything or pick up on anything, especially when drunk, but that's clearly not true
- I guess going forward I'll just apply the lessons I learned this night
- the reactions themselves were neutral for the most part
- one girl I approached grabbed my hand and said, "Let's dance," and we went to the dance floor but she left soon after
- apparently she was there with her boyfriend who was such a beta loser
- I saw the girl talking to him later (without knowing he was her boyfriend) and came over and started talking to her again and his friend (some scrawny kid) came and pushed me and told me she has a boyfriend
- I just looked him in the eyes and said, "One, don't ever touch me again and two, I didn't know that so chill out."
- the guy immediately reverted to his true pussy-self and and started trying to explain himself but I just turned to the girl and asked her if she actually had a boyfriend and she said yes so I walked away
- I guess the beta crew (including her boyfriend hahaha) left her alone at the bar after because I saw her with a third guy after when the boyfriend and co. clearly weren't around and I asked her why she lied about having a boyfriend
- she said that actually was her boyfriend and her friend beside her looked at me and said it was true with a look of sincere, honest distress at what was happening
- I just laughed and walked away (that whole situation was so fucked up... that beta needs to dump her ass)
- to top it off, this girl was making out with the new guy she was with near the end of the night
- notably, I ended up getting a really cute asian girl's number who has blue eyes and a power body and SHE texted me in the morning saying it was nice seeing me the night before
- some weird shit happened with two average girls who apparently both broke up with their boyfriends and kept asking me who I'd rather kiss and kept trying to make me kiss one
- I told them I didn't want to play but they kept bothering me until I left with my friends
- a few other girls initiated conversation with me throughout the night and I was rocking my nice new shirt (not yet fitted) so maybe that had something to do with it

Wednesday:
- I went to get the two new shirts I bought fitted after I woke up around noon
- after that, I went out to drill and the campus I went to was already dying down (2 pm when I stepped into the building)
- I had one opportunity where I made eye contact right when I left my car and she smiled back but I failed to initiate as she walked by
- I did two laps through the campus and although I looked at girls, they were usually too shy to look at me or were otherwise occupied (looking at their phones, friends they were walking with, books, etc.)
- I decided I'd walk back to my car and try again the next day and just drill as many times as I could on the way back to my car
- while walking back, I made eye contact with an older woman (outside of the desirable age range) and she smiled back but I failed to initiate before she walked by again (although I told myself she was too old, I could have still done it just for the sake of doing it whether I counted it or not)
- I see the point of the drill; it's not to force you to make eye contact as part of an approach so much as it is to help you start being comfortable with looking at and smiling at people as a natural habit
- the majority of people I see throughout the day can't do it even though it should be a basic social norm that everyone who's friendly should do all the time
- I'll admit in the past when doing drills that as I walked towards a girl walking toward me, I'd sometimes look around and only look over a few seconds before the drill
- more recently, I've started looking at the girl for longer during the lead-up simply because I've gotten more comfortable but I still haven't looked long enough or with enough intensity to illicit eye contact so this will be new
- hopefully I can get this drill done tomorrow
- I'm not feeling optimistic about how long this will take simply because girls are so preoccupied these days when they're walking around but I'll try and keep an open mind
- seeing as this drill has to do with eye contact, I decided not to wear my nerd camera glasses since they'd directly hinder the drill, so there's no footage today nor will there be any tomorrow
- Day 44 tomorrow!

Thursday:
- attempted Day 40 again
- did 2 laps around the local college campus in about 40 minutes and got zero reps done
- once again, all the girls were preoccupied (talking to friends, on their phone, reading, etc.) or too shy to look at me
- anyone who did look at me ended up just looking away or down at the floor immediately
- some girls were even just staring at the floor while walking by
- this is really good practice for training yourself to LOOK at the people you walk by without being awkward which is apparently a rare skill nowadays (I'll admit I have room for improvement here too)
- I tried to look at everyone walking past me, including guys but obviously prioritizing girls for the drills
- while walking, I had a slight grin and would increase the grin into a smile if I got eye contact
- two old men and one old woman gave me sufficient eye contact and smiled back but that's about it
- some foreign girl I helped find a print room the other day smiled at me but I didn't use her to drill on because I've already talked to her before
- technically, I can just walk up to girls sitting down and force them into eye contact by staring at them and I can drill that way but that's not really how the drill is designed to be done so it's going to be unfulfilling if I do it this way (it will also turn it into a 'weird' drill like the banana phone one rather than a ballsy 'real' approach drill)
- I'm going to look around the forum for tips for this day and if anyone has any advice, please share
- I can't be wasting hours and hours walking around hoping I come across a girl who has enough social freedom to make eye contact and smile at strangers (maybe older girls in their late 20s are better at this but the college chicks I'm coming across certainly have a lot of work to do)
- I'll try again tomorrow morning

Thursday night:
- went out to a club with two friends
- decided not to go hard at approaching till 11:00 due to my realizations from Tuesday and changed up my dialogue
- most were neutral reactions that were clearly not going anywhere
- one girl was really into me but was average at best
- she left early so I texted with her while I was hitting on other girls hoping to find something better
- eventually I gave in and got her location via text and went over (I began NoFap on Aug 25 and just wanted to come)
- as she let me in, there were a bunch of dudes chilling on the couches in the living room and they invited me to come over to chill (trying to cock-block me)
- I said, "I'm good," and took her to her room
- I knew it wouldn't be long before someone tried to intervene so I moved swiftly (or so I tried)
- I had new shoes on which I couldn't get off because they were on so tight which held me back
- I had already undressed the girl and a knock came on the door while I was ripping my feet off
- apparently it was the girls sister and she cock-blocked me and took her sister away
- she told me I could sleep on the couch or something but I just left

Friday:
- was hungover and unmotivated so I didn't drill today
- went out at night and was unsuccessful again
- I was low state due to going out the night before so I didn't approach much

Saturday:
- went to the beach feeling dead from the prior two days of partying and did the 'creaming approach' on 3 groups of girls with friends for fun (2 were me, one was another friend)
- partly due to my very low state/presence, they didn't go very well
- I take weekends off for drills so I didn't do any of those as planned

Sunday:
- spent the day catching up on chores and work since it was the weekend (weekend = no drills)

Monday:
- went and did a lap at the local college campus
- once again no one gave me eye contact except for one girl at the very end when I was by my car on the walk back but she was really chubby and she seemed so nervous that I felt bad acting on it (it would be CLEARLY obvious I wasn't being sincere though smiling at her was probably received well by her)
- she looked away after about two seconds but then back at me for another second

Tuesday:
- didn't bother going to do any drills because I was unmotivated and just worked on other things
- went out at night and the bar was randomly pretty dead, especially compared to the last week --- this is very weird because it's an extremely popular bar and it's so early in the semester
- picked up my nice new textured shirts that I got fitted and tried out one at this bar
- approached a handful of girls and got neutral reactions

Wednesday:
- didn't go out to drill due to lack of motivation and being tired and low state from the night before
- caught up on work and chores

Thoughts/reflections:
- Day 44 really fucked me over
- I had good momentum going but since Day 44 is seemingly impossible (at least at the place I've been trying and specifically on the demographic I've been trying on) it's been so long since I've actually done a drill that it's going to be a challenge to get back into it
- I'm considering just skipping Day 44 or just trying to make eye contact with girls and busting out the reps whenever possible while continuing the rest of the program