TOPIC: My AA Journal

Friday and Saturday:
- these days were my 'weekend' where I caught up on other things, did chores, and got some other work done
- also spent some time reflecting over these days in preparation for the Day 31 reflection

Sunday:
- Completed Day 31 (below)

Which single day was the hardest for you?

I'd have to say the hardest day for me so far was probably the first bar drill for squeezing girls and walking away. The original high fives were also very hard for me to do. I had a lot of anxiety of 'imposing' myself on others and felt an illogical 'violation' when engaging in physical dialogue. Obviously high fives aren't a big deal but they forced me to address this fear in a very innocent way. I had struggled with getting comfortable with doing them but repeated the drill until I had the breakthrough moment that allowed me to continue, which happened when I was finally able to do the rapid-fire set.

The lasting effect of the high fives can be seen with my approach to the super high fives. I was able to execute those without any problems in the same time window I had set for the rapid-fire single high fives and succeeded in getting the super high five with 11 of the 12 reps. I even went for an 11th bonus rep just for the hell of it which illustrates my progress in this respect.

For the drills in general, I became comfortable with being seen as a weirdo before physical contact became involved. I noticed for Day 27 and 28 where I had to touch the girls I was interacting with that I became more anxious about the weirdness of the drill. For example, walking up to someone, saying I have a question, then moving along is objectively weird. I became comfortable with doing things like that (including things like asking girls if they liked somewhere they haven't been to) and being perceived as strange when touching wasn't involved. For some reason though, the same comfort didn't translate when overlapping those scenarios with physical contact (I'm talking about comfort with the weirdness of the interaction specifically, not comfort with the touching). I did however at the end of Day 28 just say fuck it and embrace the weirdness during my last rep when the woman got pissed off at me for touching her and I just continued with the drill despite her bitching, so I'm satisfied with where I was at with those by the end.

For the bar drill however, walking up and squeezing someone then just walking away mixed more aggressive physical contact with something I felt was even weirder than starting a conversation and walking away; saying nothing. I feel that although it might sound backwards to some, it would have been easier to do the drill with some verbal dialogue. However, that implies that I would be able to do the drill correctly; boldly squeeze a girl's arm as you walk by. My first few reps were 'disguised' as just moving her out of the way in a crowded place and those couldn't have been done if I had to include verbal dialogue so I guess it was better this way.

For this drill, I also didn't know how to execute the squeezing in a natural way, but through repetition of the version of this drill with 'nice' and 'cute' (well beyond the required rep count), I found a method that feels pretty natural and well-received (the early reps involved girls jumping from being startled and one girl actually started shouting at me as I walked away but once I got the hang of it, they'd just turn to see what's up, hear me say 'something', and watch me walk away).

As an aside, for those curious, my method involves lightly squeezing the upper arm closer to the elbow on the bicep or tricep. I use all five fingers in what I call a 'five-finger lobster claw pinch' and for the 'nice' and 'cute' reps, I'd slightly lean in while still looking in the direction I was walking, say the line loud enough so the girl would know I said something, even if she couldn't make it out, and then continue walking.

I think I repeated this drill enough to be comfortable enough to do the next version in week 5 (which I think will be perceived as less weird by all witnesses because it has more verbal content but still might take more balls to do) so I don't think I need to repeat this day (I already did extra reps till I was satisfied anyways).

If I do repeat any drills, it would probably be the beach drills since it involves touching as well as being seen doing something bold (flexing). I don't feel totally satisfied with my ability to do the flexing. I don't think the 5 and 10 second counts were met for any set but the last one (which I made sure to do properly) although I did do the flexing pretty boldly (I did multiple kinds of flexing with both arms instead of just flexing one bicep (which could look like stretching) and just lie to myself that I did 'enough'). I might benefit from having people walk away while I'm flexing and still continue to flex, which hasn't happened yet. With other drills, I've felt a significant decrease in how much I care if others see me doing drills, but this would just help push my freedom in this area that final bit.

So far, it seems like the program has been structured to address certain types of anxiety ordered in 'level of difficulty':
1) Comfortable with a normal question/help request interaction - Satisfied
2) Comfortable with a weird interaction - Satisfied
3) Comfortable with touching - Satisfied for now (I know there are a lot more drills so I'm happy where I'm at with this)
4) Comfortable with touching AND being weird in an interaction - Semi-satisfied (feel like I COULD do more)
5) (To be determined...)

It seems like Chris is piling in the insanity to make regular approaches seem like a piece of cake once we're through with all the weird drills (the only final issue will be outcome dependency, which I've dealt with a lot already) so I'm trying to embrace the chaos.

Currently, I feel like I can move on to Week 5 with good faith but if I start having more trouble than I should, I'll probably repeat Day 27. I've already repeated high fives enough for super high fives to be easy and the bar drills enough for the week 5 bar drill, so I should be good for those. Some more touching, being weird, and bold flexing with bystanders watching couldn't hurt so I'll do that if I feel the need to.

How are things going so far?

Compared to Day 0, I'd say I've improved a lot (I'm specifically talking about the first time I started this program). I had been out to the bar a lot and made some progress with girls by that time but wasn't happy with it at all and my ability to interact with girls in the daytime was nonexistent. I had originally found it hard to just ask people for the time. I would be anxious that people walking behind me might see me asking multiple girls for the time and think I'm weird or one girl I already asked would see me ask another girl and my world would end. The later drills seemed impossible at that time (even something that now feels as simple as the abc drills).

Since then, I've progressed so much with so many forms of anxiety (as I discussed above). With the exception of week 8, I feel like I can actually complete the program. I can't guarantee how comfortable I will be with the drills, but I know I can do them all. In regards to week 8, I'm hopeful that by the time I'm there I will have improved enough to feel similarly about today then as I do about Day 0 now; that I had thought it was impossible in the past but feel that it's doable at the time.

How does the future look?

The future looks hopeful. I still don't know what it will look like and think I'll have a better idea by week 6 when I'm actually dealing with legitimate approaching. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with physical dialogue which has probably had the biggest impact on me being held back with girls (I go out a lot and have wasted so many opportunities to just try shit and see what happens). When I go out now, I feel like I can approach almost anyone. It's not a complete confidence. I still have AA, but I feel like it's getting smaller and smaller and that I'm strong enough to go over and talk to a girl in the majority of situations. I'm not confident in my ability to interact with them in terms of escalating or my killer instinct, but that will come with time (I'm confident with basic conversation and flirting though). While I feel this way about approaching, I still don't do it a lot. I want to do a few more weeks of drills before I start getting back into that so it doesn't get in the way of my drilling. Because of this, I've been cutting back how much I go out big time (I used to go out 2-3 times a week but it's usually 0-1 times now).

My short term goals are to crush the drills for the rest of August and once the students come back to my area (it's a student city) for the fall term, I hope to be ready to do some damage. I won't be done the program, but I should be past week 5 and into my approaches, so the bar stuff will complement the daytime drills well. I've had a problem in the past of putting off approaching at the bar and just drinking to 'buy myself time' and going too hard and ending up wasting the night and even sometimes embarrassing myself. This also severely hurt my bodybuilding efforts. I hope to go hard with my nutrition, drills, and working out for the rest of August so I'll be feeling great in September and have enough social freedom to be effective at the bar and have the ability to go out without sabotaging myself with alcohol. Better control will mean better nights out and feeling better in general with better bodybuilding results. Social freedom will fuel the better control and will allow me to reap the benefits of being a man.

The last thing I want to work on for August is getting my style sorted out and out of the way for September, so I'll be dealing with that the next few weeks. I don't know what the future has in store for me but all I can say is I'm hopeful and I'm just going to keep working hard in every aspect of my life to make it all that it can be.

I might finish the program by the end of September or it might take me some more time. I can't be sure but that doesn't really matter. All I know is I'm going to stick to the program and embrace what comes. I'm so happy I found this community and very grateful to Chris for what he's built here and shared with everyone. I'm also grateful to those I've reached out to so far who've given me advice and support and to those who've given me input in my threads.

The future looks bright.

Monday:
- Completed Day 32 (26/18 Reps) with 3 challenge reps
- did it at a college campus in approx. 15 minutes
- did one extra first rep right when I got out of my car before recording as well as a bunch of bonus reps since I was walking back to my car past girls anyways and I wanted to make the most of my drill time
- my second challenge rep was kinda weird so I did a third right after it so I'd finish on a good note
- one girl offered to take me to the place I asked for directions to, but I told her she could just tell me (I wanted to do more drills, not walk with her)
- one girl was in the middle of telling me she was in too much of a hurry to give me the time so I interrupted her and asked her for directions and she ended up giving me those
- made a point to embrace the weirdness associated with asking people for the time right after asking someone else who's still in earshot
- at one point I went into rapid-fire mode for a portion of time where the reps were around 2-3 seconds apart
- while editing the audio, I noticed I was saying, "Excuse me," again which I'll try to avoid going forward
- this day looked really easy when I read the description and felt easy in practice
- I thought the challenge would be no harder than the regular third rep but to my surprise it was actually a bit harder
- this campus is pretty barren during the summer and the majority of the girls are foreign and awkward which you can hear in the audio, but the student population will be prime again soon
- I tried to get this day done as fast as possible, so I didn't focus on more ideal girls this time around
- video of the reps below:

Tuesday:
- Completed Day 33 (21/20 Reps) with one challenge rep
- the program said to do four sets for a total of 20 reps but I without the challenge it would only be 16 reps, so I did an extra set to get the 20 reps in and I went for the challenge for the last set, which put me at 21 total reps
- I did the drills at a college campus and it took me approx. 22 minutes
- I made a point to watch my inflection when speaking so my inflection wouldn't suggest 'doubt' in what I was saying and also refrained from saying, "Excuse me," at the start of the drills as I have in the past --- there's a difference between sounding polite and sounding like a pussy and I'm making a conscious effort to address this
- I thought it would be funny to use the nursing wing in the campus as the place I was asking for directions to like I did the previous day since I figured it would cause confusion with me saying I fell and I was definitely right about that (it would sound like I was asking for directions to medical care but the nursing wing is just where nursing students study)
- I had used this location for Day 32 since the nursing wing is the furthest point in the building from where I enter at the start of the drills (this entrance is by the book store) so it was a logical location to choose to maximize the distance travelled so I could get all my reps in in one 'lap'
- I approached girls by themselves and also girls in groups with just girls and girls in groups with guys as well
- one guy (who clearly knew my target and who seemed threatened somehow) came over and watched from behind as I talked to a group of two girls, but I just continued the drill as normal (it was a long one too, so I was laughing at him on the inside)
- I made a point to embrace drilling rapidly regardless of whether witnesses saw me drilling on multiple girls or girls I'd already drilled on saw me drill on others
- one example of this is when I did a book store directions drill where I complimented the girl's shirt on my walk back to my car right beside a girl who I had asked for nursing wing directions (I had complimented her shirt as well)
- I really felt like I was GETTING IN THERE and capitalizing on almost every opportunity
- I tried to do the drills in a really serious tone so it wouldn't seem like I was joking and I tried to be sincere with the compliments (I chose an article that actually looked cool which included shirts, shoes, glasses, etc.)
- one girl started walking quickly toward the book store in a rep and instead of speeding up to follow her, I just kept going at my own speed, which made her come back to me (a beta behaviour would have been to speed up to 'chase' her)
- instead of walking with her until she stopped talking and/or walking, I just told her she could tell me how to get there and thereby dismissed her (I wanted to do more drills, not walk with her)
- I'm really satisfied with how this day went
- Day 34 tomorrow!
- video of the reps below:

Wednesday:
- Slaughtered Day 34 (20/12 reps)
- did the reps at a university campus
- I walked into this day seeing the rep count and saying, "Holy shit! Only 12 reps? This will be easy!"
- I've come to learn that even the days with rep counts like 30 fly by if you embrace the GET IN THERE mentality
- the first 12 took only 9 minutes which I'm happy about and the bonus 11 reps (8 counted and 3 failed reps) took an extra 7 minutes
- the reactions ranged from the girls being weirded out to the girls laughing and trying to keep up with the interaction
- one girl actually looked at her phone which was in her hand to see if it was ringing just like Chris said might happen
- the first twelve reps went by generally smoothly and I had a decent walk back to my car so rather than just call it a day, I decided that I'd do bonus sets on my return trip, especially since I didn't encounter much adversity on the initial reps
- I made a point to embrace the fact others would see me and did it publicly without much care for witnesses
- the first rep was right when I got out of my car and the second was a few steps away to a girl sitting and reading behind a short fence seated in a restaurant patio with a bunch of people within earshot (she was still there on the walk back to my car so I did the 'Ring Ring Ring...' part to myself as I walked by for kicks)
- you can't tell from the audio but I'd shout the 'Ring Ring Ring...' part to get the girls attention from a distance
- I had the GET IN THERE mentality of just getting it done as fast possible and not caring about what people thought
- I'm so satisfied with how this day went and feel like things are coming together
- the first bonus rep (failed) was right as I got the voice recording app going (I had turned it off after my twelfth rep before deciding to do bonus reps) to a group of 3 middle-aged women and in my haste I fucked up the wording --- no big deal
- another failed rep involved a girl with headphones who looked like she was deep in thought so I tried to be extra loud, but she didn't hear me through her headphones and just kept quickly walking away without acknowledging me
- the only weird feeling I felt during my sets besides the slight discomfort in fucking up the drill with the three older women was here because I did it extra loud and didn't get to finish so people nearby just heard me yelling 'RING RING RING BANANA PHONE' at some random girl
- the weird feeling was microscopic and as soon as it came up I choked it out (I even drilled on two girls walking towards me moments later who saw it happen to piss on the weird feeling's grave)
- a few times as the girls walked away before I was done with them (which happened a few times), I'd shout out the rest of the drill after them (not necessarily shout, but I raised the volume to a necessary level as I went so they could hear me)
- Day 35 tomorrow morning and Day 37 at night (Thursday is the day that works best for me for the bar drills and I'll still do Day 36 the following morning so I'm not skipping anything)
- video of the reps below:

Thursday morning:
- Crushed Day 35 (16/16 reps) with 0 challenge reps
- did it at a college campus in about 27 minutes
- I actually found myself enjoying the reps and having fun today
- when I parked, I had a mix of slight anxiety and excitement but I knew from experience it would disappear once I got started and not resurface as long as I kept getting in there and embracing the social momentum
- the campus was a bit of a let down today and was super barren
- as always (at least for the summer), the campus had mostly foreign, awkward girls who were socially retarded
- I didn't really have the option to focus on more ideal girls due to the lack of people so there are some reps with them
- I didn't really skip any opportunities when doing my lap, so that gives you an idea of how deserted the place was
- one foreign girl was sitting alone in a computer lab and when I walked in to do a rep, she was very bitchy and strange and I found the rep hilarious
- for the last rep, I wanted to do a challenge rep on a hot girl specifically because none of the girls I drilled on up to that point were all that attractive (I would have happily drilled on hot girls and actually prefer them but there were none around)
- I decided I'd walk around and search for an opportunity which isn't really ideal but it was my last rep and I didn't think it would take too long (this was about 20 minutes in)
- after 5 minutes of lurking and not finding anyone, I decided I was wasting too much time and went up to the first girl I saw
- she had headphones on and it turns out she was on the phone
- as I started the rep, she said, "Hold on give me two minutes," in her language to the person on the phone and looked at me
- I decided she wasn't fit for my last rep and just walked away
- I turned the corner and started drilling on a chubby blonde who gave me a cold look and escaped into the bathroom door beside us
- I then drilled on the next girl I saw (fat brunette) and started doing the challenge rep but after realizing she had a hearing problem, I just said, "Cool," and aborted the mission because she didn't hear or comprehend what I said and I'll be honest that I kinda felt bad (I felt guilty for 'picking on the disabled girl') --- not sure if it was the right call or not
- there was a chubby blonde sitting at a table in my path a few moments later so I just got it over with with her and didn't bother doing a challenge rep
- the challenge rep didn't really look any harder than the regular fourth rep (maybe slightly if anything), so I didn't really feel any motivation to do it unless the girl was hot
- I figured I wanted to do it on a girl who would know it was 100% clear that she was a girl (some girls are fucking insecure holy shit..!) so I could actually get into the bro joke and have some fun
- it's not a big deal but I might just do a challenge rep from this day some time just to have the experience but I'm still very satisfied with today
- I think it's noteworthy that along with the pre-drill anxiety, I'm starting to feel some excitement
- it's a completely different feeling and the best way I can describe it is it's the feeling you get when you feel like you can't sleep the night before a trip or event you're really looking forward too
- Day 36 tomorrow and since today is a Thursday, which is personally the best night for me to do the bar/club drills, I'll be doing Day 37 tonight (I'm slightly altering the order which I don't think is a big deal in this case)
- video of the reps below:

Thursday night:
- Completed Day 37
- did it at a bar in Toronto (same place I went to for my first bar drill)
- finished all 20 in about an hour
- the place wasn't very packed and I may have drilled on the same girl more than once but it's not really a big deal because I didn't do any knowing I had already approached the girl (some looked familiar after I got up close and walked away however)
- this place was a 3 storey bar so it was pretty good for 'doing laps'
- the first girl wasn't that attractive and was sitting with a group of friends and I heard her call, "Come back!" (her and her friends were amused) as I walked away but I kept going as the drill instructions say
- I made sure to look at the girls and clarify what I said if I needed to (a lot of the time they couldn't hear what I said)
- I found this bar drill way easier since I wasn't just squeezing girls and walking away without saying anything but probably wouldn't have been able to do it without the earlier squeezing practice (being comfortable with the 'form' really helped)
- my 'form' for squeezing is pretty comfortable now
- I find that the girl doesn't focus on the squeezing at all if you're looking directly at her while you do it, but if you look at your hand, she looks there too and reacts
- none of the reactions were notably positive or negative
- the only time the girl pulled away from my squeezing was when I looked at my hand at the start but she was smiling when I said the dialogue and I clarified what I said to her because she couldn't hear and was pleasant the whole time
- at around rep 16 a decently hot girl who looked and acted a lot like my ex-fuckbuddy got called over by some dude near me and kept looking at me
- she looked at my drink and asked if I was drinking water and we talked a bit
- I was tempted to start pursuing her but I had to finish my drills so I let her go (I answered her questions but didn't escalate and her friends were waiting on her beside me so she said she was going to go dance with them)
- after the drills, I was tempted to find her and see where it led but I decided I had a long drive home, had a really busy day the next day, and that there were tons of girls to pursue and I shouldn't be so focused on one good reaction so I left (I was especially tempted because she looked like my ex-fuckbuddy so it's good I didn't give power to that)
- I was very satisfied with how natural the squeezing felt and how far my 'form' has come, how fast I was able to do the drills (it would have been way faster if there were more girls around), and how the drills went in general
- I'm so excited that I'm starting to make progress on physical dialogue

Friday:
- had a super busy day and didn't get out to drill
- Friday and Saturday are my days off this week (tons of work)
- at my gym, a dude I've seen before got a noticeable haircut and I thought it looked good
- I've seen this dude around at the gym for a while now and he used to be really fat and has come a long way
- I had a suspicion that he would have social anxiety (I was right) and thought it would be nice to tell him his haircut looks good even though I've never talked to him before
- I went over and asked how many reps he had left on the machine he was using to ease into it but he walked over to the weights to get more weight after answering me so I just left
- about 30 minutes later I went over to his new location and asked if he got a haircut, asked where he got it (so it would seem like I wanted to know for myself) and he told me it was some place in a nearby city named Milton
- after this, I told him the haircut looked really good
- he seemed really happy and told me that I was the first person to compliment him on it
- I won't lie... it was actually hard to do since I historically haven't done things like that but I strongly feel the world would benefit from people doing things like that more so I pushed myself to give it a shot
- I had the thought that he got a cool haircut and it was in my power to make his day better at no cost to me --- not only was it cost free, it actually provided me with exposure therapy so we both won (this was actually in line with the mindset paired with where I am in the drills, so it was fitting)
- I want to try and be more social and friendly like this and have been making little efforts here and there to do so, from being more talkative with people I come across to smiling at people as I walk by even if they're overwhelmed by anxiety and can't even look at me
- this dude could possibly become a friend now which is cool
- it would be dope to point him in the right direction with things and 'pay it forward' since it seems like he's putting in a serious effort to make a change and there is a lot of advice I could pass along very easily whenever we're at the gym at the same time
- before going out to the bar to chill with friends (which I usually do on Fridays), I was going to try to do the Day 36 drills but the place I chose looked like it was a waste (a lot of old people and 'shitty' people were walking into, out of, and in front of the Walmart)
- I'd rather do the drills somewhere I know it would be quick and efficient (like a campus during busy hours) and I wanted to go chill and pre with my friends before going out instead of showing up just before it was time to head out, which I do a lot because I'm so busy
- as for the bar, I looked forward at the week 6 bar drill and tried it out a few times to see where I could take it
- we went to two separate bars
- at the first bar I ran into a girl I matched with on tinder and she seemed really into me and invited me to some show she had an extra ticket to but I think she got mad and left (decided I was just another player) when she saw me talking to a pretty hot girl I've hooked up with before (this other girl always jumps back and forth between the polar opposites of being interested and hating me at bars and I have no idea why she thinks I care because I already conquered her)
- this girl was with another girl I made out with before (not proud about this because she's... undesirable) who is apparently her best friend (I met them separately) and the icky one started getting mad at me while I talked to the hot one so the hot one said they were going to the bathroom and left
- I wasn't really listening to anything they were saying and I asked the hot one what she was drinking, asked if I could try it, drank most of it, then let them go
- I tried the week 6 bar drill on four girls (two at each bar) and screened the first three as 'not down' quickly
- the last one was into me and bought us shots (she paid haha)
- I took her by the arm and pulled her to the dance floor saying, "Come, we're going to the D floor."
- we did some vulgar shit on the dance floor and I told her to turn around and when she did I went for the makeout and turned her around again to resume the vulgar activities
- a few minutes later I told her to give me her hand and to follow me and I walked her out of the club
- on the way to my place, she asked where we were going (it was clear but I guess she wanted me to justify it) and I said, "We're going to my place."
- I guess I didn't handle this well enough because she started bitching at me and said, "Nice try," and told me she was going back to the bar and I could come if I wanted but she wasn't going home with me
- I said, "That sucks (in a sarcastic way). Nah, I'm good I have to wake up early. See ya." (I actually had to get up early and only slept 5 hours before a 14.5 hour work day)
- looking forward to getting better and better at this
- the girl I took out wasn't bad but not anything special --- the best way to describe her is 'comfort food'
- I'm impartial about not getting laid last night and don't really care
- I know I'm going to get better and better at it and there are so many great experiences to come, so I'm all good

Saturday:
- had to wake up early after drinking late, drive 2 hours, work 4 hours, drive back 2 hours, have a 2.5 hour break, drive 30 mins, work 5.5 hours, drive back 30 mins, and sleep at 3 am so Saturday was devoted to that
- will do the Day 36 drills tomorrow depending on how dead I am (I may just work on chores and catching up on stuff) or else I will hit it hard Monday
- almost at week 6... things are coming together!

Sunday:
- was totally dead from my long Saturday so I stayed home and did chores and caught up on work all day

Monday:
- Completed Day 36 (17/15 reps with two challenge reps)
- it took me around half an hour mostly due to a poor population sample and low number of people, not for a lack of GETTING IN THERE (this mall isn't a great place to drill and one passerby when I was walking around mentioned how they don't like the mall for their own reasons, which I included in the rep video for kicks)
- I only got to 5 compliments for my first challenge rep because I couldn't think of more but did 8 for the second
- did my reps at a mall since the summer term (which is already dead enough) is over everywhere and campuses are barren
- I hate doing malls now because they have all kinds of people in them with a lot of undesirables (old people, kids, families, etc.) while campus girls are pretty much exclusively all viable options
- the people were weird and would usually not respond or be weirded out (very few laughed)
- the final challenge girl initially said thanks, then was weirded out for a second, then realized it was funny and just laughed
- the first challenge woman acted similar and even pointed out she didn't have a purse (to which I replied with the line Chris used in his example audio)
- usually the reps with a low number of compliments were well received, while the reps with a medium number of compliments weirded the women out, and the reps with a high number of compliments were clearly a joke to the women even if I was sincere so they laughed
- I'm so excited to hit Week 6 tomorrow with Day 38 (I already did Day 37 last Thursday night)
- I can't believe I made it this far and can't imagine what life will look like in a few weeks
- I'm a little pissed the campuses are going to be barren for the next 1-2 weeks but I'll try to make it work
- video of the reps below:

Tuesday morning:
- Completed Day 38a (22/40 reps)
- did the reps at a university campus which was an absolute ghost town (the summer term, which is dead enough, is over)
- this took me about 30 minutes walking around and I didn't really skip any chances because I wanted to get as much done as possible before a meeting I had at 3 pm
- I hate splitting days up because it helps enable you to skip reps but the campus was dead and I had a tight schedule
- the reactions ranged from a girl scoffing at me for whatever reason she thinks she had, to girls being slightly weirded out, to girls saying thanks and smiling
- one girl even said I made her day and was delighted
- the reps where you just say, "You're cute," as you walk by are a little more awkward because there's no lead up to the compliment and you just say it as you pass by so you don't really get to see the reaction if there is one
- I would ideally do these on girls I specifically find cute but because the campus was dead and I wanted to get a good amount of reps done (I did however skip the very unattractive girls)
- I did drill on a few older women (not extremely old) as well
- no girls were above average today
- I decided not to take footage of these reps because they're so quick and lack substance and it would take a lot of time to edit the video without any clear purpose
- also, these are reps I can do anywhere throughout the day and don't want the hassle of having to start a recording every time
- I may start recording these again when there are longer interactions and the campus is busy enough to do rapid reps again (or when my camera glasses arrive)

Tuesday night:
- went out with a friend to a bar with the intention of trying the Week 6 bar drill on some girls like I did on Friday (not for the program but just to get some experience and see where it goes)
- I actually approached 11-12 girls decently aggressively (the arm squeeze, etc.) and didn't feel awkward about the physical contact at all
- there was a bit of anxiety right before initiating, but once I did it once it was very minimal thereafter
- no girls focused on the arm squeeze at all since my attention was entirely on their face when it happened and nothing 'bad' happened during any of the interactions
- one girl made a face and turned back to her friends to ignore me but that was about it in terms of negative reactions
- most girls had a short conversation with me but no one was clearly interested (when I noticed this, I'd move on)
- it seemed a few had potential for me to go further with but they weren't extremely into it (shy or for whatever reason) so I moved on
- in the future, I hope to be better at handling those ones but it will come with experience
- I left without over drinking (which was historically a problem usually caused by standing around being bored and having nothing to do but sip at drinks or really early on hoping to have the alcohol be a man for me) which I was really happy about (so was my wallet)
- my friend approached zero girls as usual (probably the story for most guys at the bar last night as always) and I approached 11-12 with negligible outcome dependency and just left feeling amazing at how far I've come

Wednesday:
- Completed Day 38b (the final 18/40 reps plus one extra to total 41/40)
- I could drag the extra rep over to Day 39a, but I'll just leave it as a bonus for Day 38 since it's just the one and bonus reps don't hurt
- did the reps at the same university campus as yesterday (it was deserted) in about 30 minutes
- I noticed today that girls take a bit of time to process what's happening and that if you give them enough time, a girl who initially looks weirded out will likely smile and say thanks to these drills
- I noticed I should slightly delay the delivery of the compliment so they can register that I'm stopping them for something first (I know what's going on but they don't so they need time to process)
- only one group of two I drilled on was above average today
- I heard one group of three laughing (not in a bad way) a few seconds after I drilled on one of them and walked on
- once again, the drills with more dialogue felt a bit more natural but I still GOT IN THERE almost every opportunity I saw
- Day 39 tomorrow!

Thursday morning:
- Completed Day 39a (6/40 reps)
- did the reps at a college campus
- after one lap to the nursing wing and back to my car I only encountered 6 girls to drill on (skipped some ones that I decided weren't appropriate for the drills)
- the campus was super dead but it won't be long till the students are back
- no notable reactions occurred during this day (it was pretty typical)

Thursday night:
- went out to the bar with my buddy
- aggressively approached 8-10 girls which I'm happy about
- a bunch said they have boyfriends (whether they do or don't actually is not my concern)
- I just moved on after screening them out
- none were super into it but two did talk to me for a while
- I got one's number (cute brunette) 'just because' since she wasn't available (she had to get up for work at 6 am the next day and had a friend to babysit who was super drunk and also is moving 4 hours north for school on Tuesday)
- she's been responsive via text but is a waste of time since there are plenty of other options every night I go out that I don't have to text and date
- slight ego boost: some of my new coworkers happened to be there and witnessed me screening while they didn't talk to anyone; it was nice having them witness my balls (one coworker even saw the girl who's number I got at the same time as me, gave me a look acknowledging her cuteness, then watched as I walked over and grabbed her arm and made her smile and laugh while we chatted)
- the one friend I came with who is around 10% BF at 185 lbs and around 5'10" (he does really well with girls) was impressed by the physical stuff and was even inspired once to try it out (he uses opinion openers or waits for whatever he gets to come to him usually) so gaining more respect from a respectable dude was cool
- obviously I'm not doing this to impress anyone and the main priority is to do it for ME but little ego boosts are nice perks to have and winning the respect of others is nice bonus too
- one other girl seemed semi into our interaction and added me on snapchat but I'm not going to follow up with her
- she can watch the cool stories I post at work and while I'm living my cool life and I'll talk to her if I see her again but I'm going to leave it at that

Friday morning:
- Completed Day 39b (11/40 reps for a total of 17/40 reps)
- did the reps at a university campus
- it was pretty dead again but I just wanted to make some progress today and not skip the day
- I was hungover from the night before and not in an optimal state when doing the drills (even with listening to some pump up music before-hand) but I still wanted to give it a shot so I did one lap to the SLC and back to my car
- same as usual: some were weird about it, most were neutral and said thanks and behaved (gave me their name and acted normally), and some were delighted
- I drilled on some student mother who had her baby in a stroller at a bus stop and she was one of the friendlier reps today and actually pretty cute (the last rep of the day)
- one peculiar rep (second last rep of the day) happened: I said, "Hey wait a second. You're cute," and she kept walking and looked back and said, "I don't know where Sesame Street is," and I finished the rep by calling after her, "I'm Michael!"
- obviously I drilled on her before (I didn't recognize her at all though) and it was a bit of a surprise that she remembered what happened so well (it's been a while since the Sesame Street day)
- I just smiled and laughed as it happened and decided to not give it another thought (other than during my journal write-up) since it didn't serve any purpose trying to analyze what happened or why it did
- I'm really starting to embrace doing what I want and not caring if things go weird on the odd occasion which is awesome
- more Day 39 reps tomorrow (going to the beach)

Friday night:
- went out with some friends
- the bar wasn't packed but had some hot girls and I aggressively approached 5 or so
- I was in a low state this night since I was so tired from Thursday night and I tried to nap a bit before going out but couldn't fall asleep so I was really tired and not 'present' when I went out
- the reactions weren't all that great for these approaches
- in most cases, the girls left at the part when I said my name and went for the hand shake (some without even saying their name) and one girl who I grabbed while she was walking actually shook loose and just kept going instead of acknowledging the fact someone had grabbed her arm which was bizarre
- my friends wanted to go to a different bar about 30 minutes in which was by far worse (way less crowded, way less girls, and much lower quality of girls) so after getting there, I decided to call it an early night and go home (had to get up early for the beach anyways)
- in the past, regardless of my state or the crowd at the bar, I'd stay till the end and didn't have the ability to realize when it would be more efficient to leave early, get some rest, and try later so it's really cool I was able to do this
- I also noticed greater control with drinking at the bar which was cool

Saturday:
- went to the beach with two friends to get our tan on and have some fun (it was a really nice day out)
- I was with friends so I didn't do any Day 39 reps because they wouldn't count since I had friends with me (I still did some fun AA conquering stuff though... more on this below)
- these friends have naturally developed a high level of social freedom which helped make it a really fun day
- one friend mentioned how some guys he knows go up to girls at the beach with whipped cream and say, "Hey wanna get creamed?" and proceed to spray some in their mouth, on their face, or wherever
- after this, they engage in a little bit of conversation and go for a number or ask if the girls have plans later
- I thought this sounded fun and was all for trying it out, so we each bought some whipped cream (each person got a different kind) and brought it with us
- I had 5 approaches (some groups and some single girls) and my one other friend had 2 (the third friend had zero)
- one of my approaches and one of my friend's approaches resulted in creaming
- for my approach that worked, the mother of one of the four girls said, "No they don't," when I asked but one of the girls further down where my friend was said okay so he creamed her (she was the only one who was down)
- the mom eventually sided with us and laughed at what my friend said when the girl asked where the cream was going and my friend said, "Wherever you want me to put it."
- one girl I asked in the group said, "I'm good," and I asked if the girl my friend creamed was their leader because she was clearly the coolest one
- the interaction died off after a bit of conversation but it seemed like the girls would have been way more receptive if the mother wasn't there
- my friend's shoe accidentally dropped out of his bag there and when we found it while searching for it, he asked the girls why they didn't say anything when we left because he assumed one of them obviously saw the shoe drop
- the interaction that my one friend had that worked out resulted in him getting the number of a girl who was married (they were there as a bachelorette party group apparently and the bachelorette was also pretty into the interaction) who said, "I might be married but I still know how to have a good time."
- the girls told us to meet them at some bar named Gables there later that night which we said we wouldn't do (I had work in a city 2 hours away and we came in my friend's truck so it wasn't even possible)
- we ended up having a lot of fun despite the beach being randomly dead (it's usually really busy and should have been especially since it was SUCH a nice day but the young people who usually come were probably busy with school stuff since frosh week is coming up I'm guessing)
- it'll be fun to go creaming more often and we're gonna try it out next Sunday (weather permitting)

Sunday:
- took today off to catch up on some work and rest
- will hit Day 39 again tomorrow morning

Monday:
- Completed Day 39c (23/40 reps and one failed rep for a total of 40/40 reps)
- did the reps at a nearby college campus in approx. 30 minutes
- the campus had orientation activities today and actually had a lot of cute girls walking around
- I drilled on girls that ranged from those who weren't that great to some pretty cute girls (I prioritized GETTING IN THERE)
- my first rep failed
- for this rep, when I said the dialogue, for some reason the words came out sounding weird like I had a strange accent or something (I have no clue why --- it shocked me just as much as the girls) so I didn't bother finishing by saying my name and just let them go as they walked past me
- one rep shortly after this resulted in the girl laughing and her friend calling after me, "She has a boyfriend!"
- we were walking in opposite directions along a square trajectory it seems because I bumped into them about 15 seconds later
- they were 'talking shit' about me by saying something like, "How desperate do you have to be to..." and then abruptly stopped when they saw me (it was obvious from them abruptly stopping and the looks on their faces that they were talking about me)
- I just laughed, kept walking, and shrugged it off
- those girls are such losers for not knowing how to take a compliment and I feel sorry for them for reacting the way they did
- not only did they fail to see the drill as funny and bold, but they thought the opposite (they viewed it as desperate somehow) and let it feed their egos which blows my mind because it's just so illogical and bizarre
- these two girls weren't even cute (the one I drilled on had unattractively arranged features and her friend was average at best)
- after this, my reactions were either neutral or positive
- one girl tried to start a conversation with me and was laughing and loving it but I ended it quickly and politely and said, "Take care," and moved on (she had a buzzcut which I find extremely unattractive so that helped motivate me to move on ASAP)
- I found that after the girls could process what was happening that they actually were surprised and happy a lot of the time
- some of the less attractive girls got weirded out but they don't matter anyways
- I was stoked the campus was actually busy and I could get all my reps done
- I feel that as the reps went by I developed better timing and was able to let more personality and charisma though and this created a sort of positive feedback loop where the reactions got better as I got more comfortable
- ever since doing the 'Who's Your Daddy?' drills, I subconsciously adopted a mentality of trying to get the whole drill out as quickly as possible to avoid failure and I'm starting to realize that mindset is still there a bit and I'm trying to let it go (even if it results in a girl 'getting away')
- all in all, it was a successful drill run
- Day 40 tomorrow!

Tuesday:
- Completed Day 40a (20/40 reps plus a number of failed reps)
- did the reps at a mall in approx. an hour
- I recorded footage of the reps with camera glasses but halfway through the glasses started shutting off due to low battery and I missed a failed rep or two (I know at least one was missed for sure)
- once I noticed the glasses were dying, I started monitoring whether the recording light was flashing (which I could do by looking hard left) so I didn't miss recording reps thereafter
- I noticed the light turned off just as I was going to go for one rep
- I technically should have done it anyway because the girl seemed to be staring at me so it was pretty much an invitation (you can see it in the video before it cuts out) but I walked past to restart the glasses and lost the opportunity
- the reactions were typical (some good, some bad, and mostly neutral reactions)
- I would have got the reps done way faster at a campus instead since a lot of girls at the mall were with their moms or boyfriends and some were questionably young looking
- I noticed after engaging one girl that she looked pretty young (first failed high five rep)
- not a huge deal but obviously it's to be avoided
- my second rep involved some dude freaking out at me
- it looked like he was with the girl on his right, so I drilled on the one on his left but apparently that was his girlfriend so he got mad
- I just told him to chill and proceeded to do my reps
- I did the first half of Day 40 and decided to stop there for the day since the battery for my glasses was dying out and the reps were taking extra long due to the 'mall factor'
- listening back, I noticed certain reps that I like the delivery better in and will try to emulate those going forward (specifically how I say 'you're cute')
- going to complete Day 40 tomorrow!
- video of the reps below (actual video footage this time!!!):



PS: Ignore the time stamps at the bottom of the video. Those are all fucked up and there's no way to disable the glasses from adding those.