TOPIC: Conquest of Mediocrity - Approach Anxiety 2nd Attempt

Introduction to my second attempt of the Approach Anxiety program:



0:00 - Last time, made it through Week 6 over a period of about 4.5 months, took this long due to taking time, sometimes up to 2 weeks, off. Quit for 6 months.

1:27 - First challenging drill was high five, took a week to finish it, later repeated all high five drills with 80 reps. Repeated all of Week 4 to make sure it was easy. Nighttime drills made me nervous, repeated them, once squeezing over 40 girls arms in one night.

3:15 - AA significantly lowered, was able to escalate quickly on girls met online, got more confident with girls at bars, squeezed arms just to do it, culminated with dancing with a hot girl and making out with her.

4:30 - No strongly negative experiences, some bitchy/standoffish girls, never had issues with security or cops, never had anyone freak out, several strongly positive reactions especially in later weeks.

5:26 - Got depressed from struggling with weed addiction, got lazy, made excuses, stopped all girl-related stuff including online. Started using kratom and phenibut, beat weed addiction, felt great, started up again.

7:10 - Started AA Program again at Week 7. Should have restarted from the beginning after taking 6 months off, instead struggled to get through Week 7, wasted time, took several months.

8:54 - Took a few more months off from everything girl related, tried real approaches last November, did a handful (all girls were married), decided I was too nervous about it, started AA program again at Week 5. Did very well, was nailing drills, bullshit excuses and laziness made me stop everything again

Lessons Learned

10:42 - Can’t take time off. Must take every opportunity to do drills, even if just repeating drills. Only valid excuse to take a day off is to go on a date, or unworkable logistics. Discipline is key. The are no valid reasons you kept quitting everything. You know this about yourself now, you make excuses saying you don’t “feel like” doing stuff, and let yourself off the hook. No matter what, never let yourself off the hook. Recognize excuses for what they are, everyone wants to be lazy and that’s fine but it’s not fine to give into it. This is the beginning of a new chapter, where dating is a normal and routine part of your life. It is not this novel thing you do for short periods and then stop. No more “taking breaks”. If you have to see it as a chore, so be it. Every day is an opportunity to find girls who want to sleep with you. Continue 30 Days of Discipline regiment indefinitely.

15:35 – Going on vacation in early August for bachelor party and wedding. Vow to do drills during that week, even if it means stepping away from friends and family visiting.

16:23 - No other major commitments. Don’t start any new projects or expect to get a lot done on other stuff until this is done. That stuff will still be there a few months from now.

19:16 - Have a life. Go do social stuff, preferable at venues with girls (i.e. bars/clubs), once per week. Being a workaholic and never having fun will burn me out and make me feel like a loser.

20:36 - Every excuse to not complete a drill is approach anxiety. I had a big problem, especially in Week 7, with creative avoidance, particularly saying “there aren’t enough girls”. Obvious AA will happen, but don’t kid yourself. Accept it is just AA, and that letting it stop you is letting AA win. There are no other reasons.

22:15 - Don’t stop online dating. Taking a day off to go on a date, and possibly get laid, is not a bad thing, because if I stop doing it to do more drills, then I will start having outcome dependency, and getting impatient. It will mean I can’t get laid at least until I finish the program, and I will want to finish it fast instead of finishing it right.

Day 4 and 5 Log - 06/28 and 06/29

Day 6 Log - 07/01

Day 6 (Repeat) Log - 07/02

Day 7, 8, 8 (Repeat) Log - 07/03-07/07

BIG breakthrough in attitude today! Watch video for details.

(It's in the first 14 minutes of the video, everything after that is less important).

I've been quite busy with online dating lately, and also with work (I've had to work on weekends), but I've also started to get lazy and taken a few days off from drills. I've made progress since the last VLog, but not much. I've been hanging with girls quite a lot though. I'll make a VLog update tomorrow.

If you want to get through the AA program, you gotta do the drills every day. You're not gonna make it if you take long breaks in between drills.

Ask yourself, do you really want to do this? Do you want social freedom and the ability to hit on girls aggressively? If yes, then you need to do the drills consistently and push yourself

Eric, your response could not be more appropriate.

I can't offer myself or anyone reading this anything valid about what happened. I was doing things right when I started, at the beginning of July, then I dropped off after July 7 and didn't come back until almost three weeks later. Whatever excuses I'm making about going on lots of dates from online or whatever else are all bullshit. I just dropped the ball and lost integrity.

To be honest, the answer to, "do you really want to do this" right now is no. I'm doing better with online dating than I thought I could and it's making me think I should just do that for now. There's no use to anyone for me to lie about having these thoughts. I don't think I should listen to that voice, but it's there. Another part of me says I have to ignore that and get through this anyways. Because the answer to the question, "Do you want social freedom and the ability to hit on girls aggressively" is an emphatic yes, and I think that's what matters. I want the results, but not the work. I'm just being immature and lazy.

I failed. This is supposed to be my #1 goal, but that's just a bunch of meaningless words if I go half a month not doing anything with it. I did drills a few times in the last two weeks, but that's hardly even worth mentioning. I don't know if you read my 1st attempt log, but I'm not going down this road again.

The AA Program instructions say to not take more than 2 days off in a row, which should ideally be days to go on dates.

Whatever I'm doing, it's not the AA program. It might work, but it's not the thing that has worked for tons of guys and honed in over years by experienced mentors. I basically reached this conclusion myself yesterday when I went to the mall to pick things back up. Even in week two, it's already too difficult. I need to just start over. I've been stressed about how I'm going to fit the 10 day vacation I planned and bought tickets for long before I decided to do this again, which starts next week, and how I'm going to keep up with AA drills. I can do what I can, but I think it's a better idea to restart now, make whatever I progress I can until I go, then when I get back, restart again.

Is this a waste of time? No. I'll be 4-5 weeks behind where I could have been if I hadn't fucked up. I won't remember the difference after this is all done. What will waste time is for me to bang my head against the wall on drills I'm not ready for. If I take a week off from lifting I have to significantly lower the weight. This is no different.

My whole thing is discipline now, and I fell into the pattern I always do. Things started going well, I got laid, and then I let go and my discipline collapsed. The only thing I can do now is learn the lesson from it. The last thing I should do is lie to myself and pretend it didn't happen. I completely dropped the ball like I always do, but at least it took only two weeks (way less time than the other times, which tended to be 3-6 months) to fess up and admit it to myself. No huge loss, but only if I turn it around now.

I'm going all the way back to Day 4.

I said I was going to spent time from the moment I get off work until the mall closes every night doing drills, and get there as soon as the mall opens and stay until it closes on the weekend, unless I have a date. Why did I not do that? I didn't even approximately do it a single time!

Do you guys experience this kind of frustration with yourselves? Sometimes it makes me feel useless thinking about how poor I can be sometimes at keeping my word. I am giving my word to put that level of dedication into this. It does not matter if it's the "right" or "best" thing to do. I said I would do it, and if for no other reason, it will show me that I can keep promises to myself. It's been two fucking years since I committed to beating approach anxiety, and it's only my fault I'm not already out there getting laid from cold approach.

I'm furious at myself right now. There's no point in hounding myself, but the anger is fully justified and appropriate. I'm better than this. I know I am. Even though I slip sometimes, I know I am destined for a better life than most guys because I have the capability of discipline in me that others don't. I wouldn't be going to the gym at 7am on work days, I wouldn't be at <8% body fat, I wouldn't even be trying to do this program if that wasn't true. I have to stop tolerating this from myself. I know I can, so I must. I'm going to post more about this on my journal, but not too much because it's a form of time wasting to blabber on this forum. I'm going to see a girl tonight and I need to cook dinner and get ready for it. Enough of this lazy bullshit. I'm sitting in bed right now writing this. Fuck that. I'm not letting this happen again.

sweatervest wrote: Do you guys experience this kind of frustration with yourselves?

Fuck… man… do I?

That's the hardest battle I have with myself.

It's like I KNOW what I need to do, and arguably the steps are not that difficult (just go out every day… that's pretty much it). But still my master level evasion skills kick an I work my ass of in everything and anything except what important (or at least what I promised myself was/is important)—AA program (in a bigger picture getting laid, fixing my fucked up brain when it comes to sex/relationships/intimacy).

sweatervest wrote: I said I was going to spent time from the moment I get off work until the mall closes every night doing drills, and get there as soon as the mall opens and stay until it closes on the weekend, unless I have a date. Why did I not do that? I didn't even approximately do it a single time!

Do you guys experience this kind of frustration with yourselves? Sometimes it makes me feel useless thinking about how poor I can be sometimes at keeping my word. I am giving my word to put that level of dedication into this. It does not matter if it's the "right" or "best" thing to do. I said I would do it, and if for no other reason, it will show me that I can keep promises to myself. It's been two fucking years since I committed to beating approach anxiety, and it's only my fault I'm not already out there getting laid from cold approach.

I'm furious at myself right now. There's no point in hounding myself, but the anger is fully justified and appropriate. I'm better than this. I know I am. Even though I slip sometimes, I know I am destined for a better life than most guys because I have the capability of discipline in me that others don't. I wouldn't be going to the gym at 7am on work days, I wouldn't be at <8% body fat, I wouldn't even be trying to do this program if that wasn't true. I have to stop tolerating this from myself. I know I can, so I must. I'm going to post more about this on my journal, but not too much because it's a form of time wasting to blabber on this forum. I'm going to see a girl tonight and I need to cook dinner and get ready for it. Enough of this lazy bullshit. I'm sitting in bed right now writing this. Fuck that. I'm not letting this happen again.

You might be setting your goals/expectations way too high which is causing you to burn out and stop all together.

Maybe try setting your goal a little lower (like not staying out for so long on each day) and try that for an extended period of time until it becomes normal and easy to you. After that you can raise the bar a little higher (spend more time out each day)... Initially it might be slower but at least you're staying consistent and working on the specific goal each day/week rather than not doing anything at all

Just gonna offer you some advice here, cause I hope you do the program.

You're thinking about everything way too much, I can just tell by the length of all your posts. Honestly you just need to commit to this program. When I started the first time I was iffy about it. The second time I knew it was do or die and that I was gonna see it through if no matter how long it took.

Look at it this way: Chris has a program that is the solution to your problem. You need to shut your mind off and accept that it's going to be hard and that you will feel a lot of anxiety. It is what it is though, after a while you'll get over it and you'll be on autopilot. But like I said, it's up to you, either you want it or you don't.