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Thanks toroidal. I think I actually hit a wall on the first day of this whole program, since I was just so afraid of people in general. I think it prepared me to push through future walls like this one.
anyway, here's something you guys should enjoy:
God, what a glorious day. I got in there immediately and high fived a girl and her mom. from there, my first set couldn't have been more than 3 minutes.
did not puss out on a single girl. If i thought she was hot, I went for it. If there was nobody around, I high fived a friendly old lady instead of doing laps. So many great reactions, I think it was because of my improved confidence and also my hair looked good today.
So, so good. I did not do the challenge, not for lack of trying (I ACTUALLY DROVE AROUND LOOKING FOR A PLACE WITH A LADY SMOKING OUTSIDE. NO AVAIL.) So instead, I high fived an entire group of 7-8 cute teens. They giggled. So did I.
It was almost as natural as asking someone for time or directions.
This sort of great triumph SHOULD have made me feel great for the rest of the day. But unfortunately something came along to put a damper on me... [rant incoming]
This is why I didn't want to start up my POF again for this program.
It only ever seems to bring me down and make me feel more lonely.
For the umpteenth time... I got yanked around by a girl playing the text game. She flaked on me for a date I was super excited about. She just got evasive and wishy washy and avoided having to do anything in person with me.
This is probably about the 30th time this has happened to me. No exaggeration. I am not kidding. I am so, so sick of being given the run around by girls online. I don't want to do it any more.
Of the 3 people I've fucked in my life (longterm gf, a fuckbuddy, and a hookup one night) ONLY the hookup came from online because I kind of already knew her.
I've gone on 10+ first dates with internet girls, mostly kinda unattractive because the cutest ones flake or wiggle out of it. I have a trove of dead phone #'s that I will never use again. I have GOT to find a way to screen these timewasters out. How?
With this program, I am so thrilled to be out in the world where actual hot girls give a shit about me, because it seems that I can't get anyone online that isn't a catfish or timewasting. And I'm a good looking dude!
Just needed to get that off my chest. any criticism or constructive advice anyone can lay on me would be great. I just feel like the online portion is dragging me down and eating away my self esteem, which is the opposite of what chris wants.
Well guys, I didn't get any real responses yesterday, but luckily I kinda answered my own question.
I wanted to be able to screen better online. So I read a ton of Chris's screening stuff and went through the online screening bit more carefully. Updates sure to come as I decide what to do about POF.
Day 17 (ABCs)
This was actually not too bad. Not the easiest drill, but was doing it on hotties with no problem in no time.
I did it in a series of small stores today because it would have been bad form at the mall. At the mall, I could have let myself speed past girls and say the abcs and kinda run away before they could react. I wanted to hold myself accountable to doing a full walk up every rep. So I did!
Wasn't quite brave enough to sing them, but chris just kinda said them in the audio. As a compromise, I said the abc's, but like a voice actor or maybe someone on a children's show might say. Complete with the curious eyebrows and perfect pronunciation.
Some were confused, some were amused. no real bad reactions. Talked to a super hot blonde today that just seemed like a total sweetheart, she seemed thrilled that I was reciting the fucking abcs to her.
Worst reaction was probably from a pair of watchers. Some people in a car saw me do my last rep on a girl in the parking lot and just sped past me with a disgusted stare. Hopefully they didn't get my plate number...
pretty easy. It was a little bit of a bummer when some of the girls didn't like my shirt ("eh, its ok") but most of them said "yeah it's nice."
Some of them realized I was approaching them indirectly I think. That creeps girls out MORE! funny how we do it to avoid risk, but really you should just be direct.
Also, funny sidenote: I walked in to a hollister today. Oh my god. It was like shrinking down and going inside a beehive, or an anthill, but every bee was a hot girl. I know where I'm going back to very soon...
also, a question for you all. I find myself forced to approach groups a LOT. sometimes it prevents me from getting in there. what are some other people's thoughts on groups?
Understandably, I was very tired and almost didn't want to do this drill. But I did it. AND I DID THE CHALLENGE! (open every rep with 'how's it hangin')
The gay voice set went pretty ok. the last woman asked me if she was being pranked after it was over, and I just left without saying a word. Maybe my gay voice was obviously fake and the other girls were just being nice?
For the 'SUPER SERIOUS' set, I just said the lines without a hint of joy in my voice or any sort of human expression on my face. And I tried to channel all the stilted awkwardness of my week 1 self. I think it set some people on edge.
the other two sets, there were some girls who knew they were being hit on and clammed up a little bit. I actually got the 'deer in headlights' look from a few of them when I walked right up and asked how it was hangin'. No really negative reactions though, some giggling. nobody was super open. If these were real approaches, I don't think any of these girls would have given me anything.
Also, for the second day in a row... GROUPS! I thought the point of this program was to approach 90% of women regardless of situation. I would be doing that right now, if not for groups. they are my number one source of 'not getting in there.' Most solo girls I want to do drills on, I can go do drills on. Thoughts?
Seems like there's a skill jump at the beginning of each week. I did not finish this one.
Usually, I look for older unattractive ladies to do the first few reps on when I get a new tough drill, then I get the confidence to do hotties for the rest.
Today was like the opposite. I got the feeling that if I go in with a shit eating grin and a prankster attitude, the younger girls might just be intimidated or weirded out/giggle, but I feel like the older women probably wouldn't take any of my shit.
Since this was a weeknight at target, it was mostly moms and older women/girls. TBH, I was a little afraid of what they would do to me if I just went up and acted like an ass. I got through one set and left. I will try again tomorrow, maybe at a mall. I would like to get the courage to act prank-y around older girls soon though.
and another unrelated thing...
as I said before, I have social anxiety and I'm on meds for it right now. Getting to bang lots of hotties is my number one goal, but I was also looking for this program to increase my social skills in general. Though it does not do so automatically, I discovered, it does give me the tools I need to improve my social abilities on my own. I made my own drills for getting to know people in my new office (similar to how toroidal was discussing in his aa thread. also I think someone else on here designed general social 'drills' recently but I can't find it.)
I talked to 5 people I hadn't met yet and made small talk. It was a good experience because I could feel the AA building up when I just wanted to talk to my fellow peers. I'm going to keep doing this until I've met everyone. Also I'm going to a baseball game this weekend with everybody.
well, today I found a new mall on the way back from work. I'm gonna move soon to avoid this long ass commute.
but god, this place was huge. I had no problem finding enough people to do the drill.
I did young girls first, then old. Once again, contrary to what I had thought, there were few negative reactions and the older girls behaved no different from the younger on average.
I was surprised by how many people genuinely thought I wanted to buy suspenders. A lot of them were weirded out by my request but still didn't know I was just kidding I guess. A few girls did figure it out by the end, but by and large it was like asking for directions.
I tried to be a wiseass today, as per chris's mentality "i'm just fucking with her." This mostly just amounted to me going around with a shit eating grin on the entire time, and not caring as much if they acted oddly. I also noticed that I had a lower, sexier voice while doing this 'character.' it was unintentional.
Tomorrow I will try to go out and do day 21 at a bar!
Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t posted in about a week. I hit a few roadblocks, greatest of which was getting kicked out of a mall. I NEED YOUR INPUT on how I can get back on track. I can’t continue the program until I know where to go from here. Days 21 and 24 have questions in them that I hope somebody can help me with.
But, let’s start with the good news. Here is a day I knocked out of the park (har har)
Day 23 (sesame street)
I went to a baseball game last friday. I was planning on just doing day 21 (squeeze arm) at a bar later that night. But there were sooooo many honeys walking around that baseball stadium all dressed in hot pants and I thought, what the hell, I’ll be mad at myself if I don’t do something with this.
So I did. Between innings for most of the game, I went around the stadium doing sesame street. Most girls giggled or smiled, there were only 2 bitchy ones. Once again this just revealed to me that it’s their problem, not mine. It was great because there were so many girls. It was hard to find ones without friends or boyfriends around though. I still need some advice on how to approach groups.
One super hot girl was with her friends and I asked her. She leaned over and was about to ask her friend how to get to sesame street when she realized what she was about to say and cracked up. I jabbed her in the arm and said, “see? You almost did it.”
And later, I saw a hot older woman that looked like she was just a bitch and would not take any shit from me. I did the drill on her, and she laughed the most bubbly, good natured laugh ever. Yeah. remember how at the beginning of this week I was afraid to fuck with older girls? No more.
This day got me into the mindset of fucking with people for the first time I think. On suspenders day, a lot of people genuinely tried to help me. But everyone knew I was just dicking around today.
One drunk lesbian chick told me to do the drill on her girlfriend after I asked her. I refused and went away. Then I saw her later on the way out of the stadium and had to banter with her about nonsense for a full minute or so to cover my ass while waiting for the crossing guard to wave us. Skill.
Then later that night I drove off to do day 21, which gave me some slight issues…(cont’d)
So, I didn’t go to college around where I live now, and I’m out in the sticks a little ways. I did some research the night before and found the best reviewed bars I could on yelp. I think? The thing is, how do you tell if a bar is going to be a dance bar or “just a bar” with food and stuff? The two are lumped together when I try to look them up.
Anyway, I went to a college bar which supposedly had tons of patrons. Except it didn’t, because when I walked in, there weren’t even 10 girls in the damn place. Drove to the other place I looked up that seemed popular, same thing. Deserted. I had to go home after that.
How do I find the scene in my city, and how do I differentiate quiet bars from the places people dance? I’m going to be moving to a place with GREAT logistics one week from today, but I am staying with my parents for a short time while I transition from college → first apartment. Even though I am going to a place with more scene, I still won’t know how to find out where shit is going on.
So that was disappointing. But the REAL reason I’ve taken 4 days off is what happened next, on monday when I did the birthday drill. (contd)
I was super relaxed and confident all day this drill. It should have been a great day.
But I noticed something a little off, that gave me a hint that maybe it was ME who was doing something wrong today? I dunno for sure.
Did the drills at a mall at around 5 on a monday. I did it like
What do you want for your birthday?
If they said “I don’t know” or tried to worm out of it, I just asked them like
“But… what do you want for your birthday?”
“What do you think you want for your birthday?”
Convos didn’t make much sense. But unlike other days, where I would get mostly positive or neutral responses, MOST of the girls I talked to seemed very nervous for some reason. I think they thought it was a trick of some kind. A lot of them shot long glances at their friends while we were talking (those “Save me!!” glances.) one girl even said, “you’re scaring me” and walked off. So the ‘Normal’ reaction to my drill was “fearful” or “suspecting a trick.”
I don’t think I have as much outcome independence as I used to. But this is different from how most days went and DEFINITELY different from sesame street or ABCs, where most girls just laughed it off and were very good natured about it.
Anyway, none of this fazed me, I was super chill and confident even after the mall cop came up to me. He said several girls had reported strange behavior and he escorted me to my car and told me I would be banned from that mall for several months.
This isn’t a big deal because the mall is quite far from where I live, where I work, and where I will be living after next week.
It shook me up though. Why today of all days? Birthday is pretty innocuous, what’s gonna happen when I ask a chick “would you fuck me if I had nerd glasses?” Going forward, should I expect most girls to look at me like I’m a serial killer or something?
Also, since I’ve been living with my parents for about a month while I was job searching, they knew I was off doing ‘a program to help my social anxiety’ (not entirely a lie, this program has also been HUGELY helpful with getting me to make new friends at work AND get back in touch with people I used to know). When this happened they asked me to stop doing it.
Big deal, I am moving out in a week, this weekend I can get right back to it.
But getting kicked out of the mall also removed my teeth a little bit. I mean, I have another 45 days left of this. How will I not get kicked out of somewhere else if I bring my best every day? I don’t want my ass on some watch list for being a pedo and getting kicked out of every mall and college campus in my part of the state.
I used to care if a girl would like me or not when I walked up. Now I don’t care so much about that. Now I ask myself, “is she gonna report me?”
I don’t want this journey to be over before it even begins. I have made so, so much progress with this program. I think it’s really helping me with my life. It’s helping me stay off porn by interacting with hot girls every day, and its training me to be more social. And I want this for myself. Each day the last 4 days, I go to bed thinking about how I didn’t do a drill that day.
I have the discipline to finish this out, I know it, but I don’t want to go to court or anything. And I don’t want this to shake the confidence I need in order to be able to do whatever I want, which is the mentality I need to be building.
Help me guys. I don’t know how to keep moving forward from here, because this has affected my mentality and my mentality is what I need to strengthen.
Congrats on getting kicked out of a store! I still don't have that honor yet haha. I did get an aiport security guy to tell me to knock it off (on "What's for lunch" day).
I think I haven't managed to get kicked out of a store yet because after a while of doing drills I get paranoid that everyone is "onto me" so I leave. Trust your instincts. If you have a few bad reactions, change venues.
I don't really remember but I think I had some bad reactions from birthday too. "Who's your daddy" is definitely the worst. Also the nerd glasses challenge isn't so bad: since it's the last line you'll have a sense of who it's "safe" to say it to and who not.
I honestly felt like week 4 was giving me a bad rep (did almost all them at my college) and that I was gonna be locked away or something. But nothing happened. I'm know cold approaching girls at my college and they seem none the wiser.
I'd say week 4 + 8 you should do in places you don't mind not returning to. And change venues often.
In terms of why that day went bad for you: it might've been the way you were saying it, might've been your vibe that day, your appearance that day, something in the air, collective girl fear, I dunno. I hate doing drills off campus tho...girls always seem more flighty in the malls and stores. Baseball stadium seems like a legit situation. I gotta try that sometime, thanks
EDIT: For social drills, I think Deltsbrah has a list in his lose virgininty log
EDIT2: Just saw your near Cleveland (from pof profile). Lemme know if you come to Michigan and want to do drills/day game (I suck at night game but would still give it a go)
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.