TOPIC: VLOG: George and Rodger's spooky Halloween adventure

Hey guys.

Probably nobody remembers me here, but I started an AA log about a year ago. Spilled my guts about various issues, and realized very quickly I was not ready to start the program. I had a porn problem, and still struggle with social anxiety.

So followed Chris’s advice, and I got a shrink and some meds. Plus I graduated from my tiny college and I’m moving to a destination soon to start my first job in a couple weeks. So I’m out of my cramped social sphere where I could have gotten a reputation for doing this.

Georgie don’t break his promises though. This time I’m back and ready to do it. I had a lot of disadvantages, but I guess Rooster thinks I’m hot… so that’s one advantage.

The volcano is back baby. Don’t sleep on me, cuz I was just sleeping on you.

Day 5

Went to a target first, then bookstore for second set. You guys are right, target has a lot of girls for some reason. Even though it is literally the same as any other superstore, almost all patrons are women.

Even though I started this program more than a year ago, did one day in the field, and took a long break.... I think it helped me. I felt so much more comfortable doing this than I remember last year, nervously doing laps of walmart with my heart in my throat. I guess that goes to show how far I have come in general on working on social anxiety.

I am using the same rules as Mr. Q: approach hot girls, average girls and below average girls. Otherwise this would turn into a weird hottie scavenger hunt and last 4 hours. I just talked to every female as long as they weren’t little old ladies. Bookstore had more girls my age anyway so that turned out ok in the end.

Day 6

Man was this hard at the beginning of the day, and man was it easy by the end. Wow. I felt really, really good after today.

Went to another target on a strip mall near my house, and bounced to some of the other stores for the full 5 sets.

I noticed that some girls/ women were very slightly uncomfortable based on body language, and a few of the convos were awkward. Then I realized I was just barely talking above a whisper, and they were just copying my nervousness. If I just bring some energy, they will reciprocate. I then proceeded to ask some girls time/directions while forcing myself to have some more open body language and louder voice.

They were nicer to me. Just like that. After that, I didn’t have to pretend to be comfortable. The rest was easy. I started the day going after unintimidating unattractive people, and by the end I actively was seeking out the cutest girls I could see. This was after less than 2 hours. Great day.

There was this gorgeous girl at the library later while I was working on my new employee forms. Great ass. I actually talked to her. The only thing that kept me from taking it anywhere beyond normal conversation was NOT my anxiety, for once: it was my promise to Chris that I wouldn’t chase that pussy. Yet.

Day 7

Building more comfort today, it was almost boring. Talking to the first girl I saw wasn’t very hard, but it shaved more than 45 minutes off of my time. Nice. A couple cuties but mostly average girls / women older than me.

Hit strip mall again today, i decided that I should go to each location twice in a row since it is unlikely that the same people will be shopping somewhere 2 days in a row.

Most girls were neutral to me today, some very nice, and some fairly standoffish with closed body language. I guess it’s not all what I bring, there are just some chicks with trust issues. Still, I wonder if I could be doing anything else to make me seem less creepy. I know social nervousness like poor posture, soft voice, and other things can make you look like a serial killer to some people and put them on edge. Lol. I have fixed these things, but there must be something else keeping me from seeming to be my warm and genial best. Any ideas?

The hottest ones were actually the nicest to me haha

Day 8

Gotta say, I identify pretty strongly with Amir in Chris’s audio. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety, but I’m on meds. Hopefully I make it too.

That said, I did a lot of laps today. Mostly because I changed locations to the mall for the first time, which was a little intimidating. I still talked to the first girl I saw, but it took a while after that to really get rolling.

As much as I wanted to puss out and go back to my old location, I stayed, took longer and completed the drills. Now I’m more comfortable at the mall and will probably go there again tomorrow. This time, I didn’t have to warm up by talking to really ugly 40 somethings either.

The hot girls are SO much nicer than everyone else. Funny how I’ve been told the opposite my whole life...

Day 9

Another one that was tough starting out but so much easier by the end. I didn’t go to the mall because I had to pick up something at bed bath and beyond, so I decided to do the drills in the strip where it was located, which also contained a grocery store and walmart.

I find that I am better able to scrounge up enough girls to talk to in places that I previously thought didn’t have enough. So that’s good, I must be getting in there more.

Also, at one point, I was kinda orbiting a girl at a distance, waiting for the moment to talk to her after she had finished talking to her friends. Then, I realized that this was the wrong approach, and I went around and talked to 3 other girls while she was still preoccupied. Came back, she was gone. I would have been wasting my time if I kept waiting. Progress!

I only had one conversation that made no sense. “Have you ever been there?” “No.” “Welldidyoulikeit?” “ I uh…. I have to go.” It felt good to get done and know that I was so much more comfortable than she was during the interaction. I just giggled the whole car ride home. Guess I’ve officially creeped out one person…

I now realize that it’s like Chris said, and some girls are just more open and ready to chat than others. Some are just more friendly than others and it’s NOT MY FAULT if one specific girl is standoffish and weird. I know it doesn’t matter what I say, but I just want to make sure I’m doing everything else right… For instance I know I still have trouble projecting confidence, and girls can smell that a mile away. Some girls stay, some girls edge away while talking to me. The hot ones or ones my age usually stay, 30 somethings and up usually flee. Suggestions?

Oh yeah. And, I've been doing a drill a day with no breaks until today. I am itching to get back out there, but have some obligations today that require me to stay at home. So I guess I'm hooked! I can't wait till tomorrow when I can go out and approach more girls.

As for the online part of this program, I've been running Pof/okc/tinder on and off for the past 2 years. All in all I think I've gone on maybe 15 dates? this has gone all the way to the bedroom... drumroll please... ONE time. I am really sick of girls online wasting my time. I restarted my POF this week for the program and hit on 50 girls, but I'll be surprised if I see any results on there until after I move. Despite this, I currently have no desire to go back to the supplicating long-term relationship life that I was living, even though I got sex more regularly. I am convinced that it will come when my AA is defeated, and surpass what I had.

Here's what I look like when I go out, and a shirtless pic.

good job man big ups make any excuse you can to take action its not about success its about changing habits and making your way towards your goals

find any reason you can to smile in the face of adversity! keep it up

Day 10.

Fuck.

I don't know what happened. I could only talk to 2 girls and then I gave up. Couldn't get in there. What? How did I lose so much progress after taking a ONE DAY break?

Tomorrow I'm going back to Day 8.

Day 8-2.

CRUSHED it.

I will have to remember how good this feels.

AND I went to the mall again. AND I approached a LOT of hotties today. One, a stunning blonde, was even working with her headphones on when I stopped to talk to her. And she was nice to me!

This is great. I will do day 9 again tomorrow.

Day 9-2.

this one was a breeze as well, got through in under 45 minutes. wow.

Notable girls include a gorgeous leggy hottie who was almost as tall as me (i'm 6'3) and a cute foreign girl who totally thought I was going to ask her out, she was lightly teasing me the whole conversation.


Some takeaways:
I was dreading this day because I didn't want to do the interactions that didnt make sense. I think it may be because the only time I got a truly nonsensical conversation the last time i tried day 9, I got a negative reaction from a very shy girl. All but one of my 3rd reps this time were illogical. as soon as the first girl didn't react negatively, I was fine for the rest of the time.

I guess this shows that I am still outcome dependent. I should work on that more. Also, I had a fast heartbeat all this morning and thought I was getting sick, but after I came back from this drill it was gone. Being nervous about stuff is so much worse than the actual stuff. God know what I would be like without meds right now.

Day 10-2

I LOVE this. It is SO MUCH FUN getting to talk to so many NEW, HOT, FRIENDLY GIRLS EVERY DAY.

Highlights:

Cute tiny thin redhead with glasses, real princess type. Here is another one who thought I was gonna ask her out, I think. She was very shy but into me. I'm starting to feel bad for not asking out these girls, I'm just kinda leaving 'em with nothing.

Beautiful well dressed black haired babe. The sort of person I thought for sure would be out of my league. Again, super duper friendly and helpful to me.

various other girls who I would otherwise not be talking to or have the bravery to even look at

I need to get used to touching more. I kinda awkwardly keep my distance, and I also know my hands get cold when I'm nervous.