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-I asked girls where I could get good wine, and if they had recommendations. It was a litttle weird considering I was on a college campus, and most of us are under 21, but it worked out, lol. It's getting slightly easier.
Today was high fiving ten girls, and doing it twice. This was easily my hardest day so far, and I put it off for most of the day. It didn't help that during the weekend the school is pretty deserted, so I just felt kind of retarded going up to a random girl and giving her a high-five for no reason. I high-fived some guys too so it wouldn't look like I was just targeting the girls. Anyway, after a LOT of hesitation I did manage to do it. First round took probably 7 minutes, then ten, which is good enough for me.
PS I just realized there's a challenge coming up that is supposed to be done in a bar (squeeze girls' arms). But I'm not old enough to go to any bars, and if I squeezed random girls' arms in a mall security would get called on me. Should I just skip this day?
So yesterday was really weird. I came home since the quarter ended at my school and for some reason when I woke up today I just felt really depressed. I had made a small dent in my anxiety up to this point but everything just kind of came flooding back to me. I began to have a lot of really negative thoughts, like if I was actually going to be able to change my life, and so on. I tried to do the drill for the next day (high five 20 more girls) but just found it really hard and couldn't continue after two girls. Also contributing to the increase in anxiety was that, up to now, I had been doing most of the drills on college-aged (my age) girls, so it didn't feel weird talking to a lot of them, whereas now that I'm at home I have to go to major malls, where all the women are either 1) too old for me or 2) can't tell if they're actually college-aged or high schoolers. This made the drill a lot harder.
So, instead of quitting, I'm just going to restart the program so I can adapt to the new environment.
Day 4 v2
-I asked the time from 5 girls. Pretty easy. The main thing is that sets of 2+ girls are still too hard to go up to, I'm going to try and do at least a few of those tomorrow.
Day 5 v2
It's seriously occurred to me that pretty much all of the social freedom I'd built in my first go through this has been lost. It's so important to keep the momentum up so I don't feel inhibited around people. Anyway, asked more girls for the time, pretty uneventful, but definitely not as free as I was before.
Days 4, 5, 6
Ok, I'm back in the game. I am now in another country and will be for the rest of the summer. I have decided that my anxiety ends here, and ending it (on multiple fronts: daygame, nightgame, and social circle game) is my #1 priority while I'm here. I did the entirety of the first three days of drills again. I'm in a maaaasssive city with so much potential, and a lot of free time until classes start, so I'm going to do multiple drills a day until I get back up to my previous level/the drills get harder. My time here is limited to a few months so it's important not to waste too much time before I head back to Podunk, USA. The drills weren't too hard, but I got a slightly higher percentage of people outright ignoring me. Usually, if I repeated my question right after that in the local language, they would stop and try to help me, so I don't think they were just being rude, just didn't understand the English.
Going out alone at night, night 1
I'm going to be doing this program too. I read that there were a lot of foreigners in my (Asian) city, so I was very surprised to find there were only a handful of others on the dance floor. I have no moves, so being one of only a handful of non-Asians made me feel very self conscious, and I had to fight the urge to immediately run out. Anyway, I tired to do the drills but it was waaay too loud to even talk (I tried a nightclub). I must have suffered some sort of acute hearing loss, because when I stepped out I was almost deaf, and my ears are still ringing 12 hours later. Note to self: Get earplugs. I'll try a different place tomorrow.
I will start social circle stuff when classes start next week.
Day 7, 8
More stopping people on the street and in stores. As per usual, i felt a bit weird, but I can feel my social freedom increasing.
Going out alone at night part 1
Went into another nightclub. This one had a separate bar area so was better than the night before and I did the drills. As soon as I went in, I again felt massively uncomfortable because I felt like I stood out but I managed to not just run away. Truth be told, the bartenders barely understood anything I said, whether I yelled at them over the music in English or the local language, but oh well. After the nightclub I found a western bar, went in for the first time in my life. Was pretty nervous, especially considering most people there were other westerners in their mid or late twenties, and I'm still technically a teenager lol. Afterwards, I walked right out.
Day 9, 10
More stopping girls on the street. I still have that weird feeling of "I stand out, people notice me and think I'm weird." Day 9 went pretty ok but I really had to push myself through day 10 for some reason.
I accidentally did my first cold approach yesterday (I'm on very little time this summer, so I'm ignoring Chris' rule). I asked the girl next to me on the subway about how to say something in the local language, not intending to hit on her, but the conversation went pretty decently so I got her contact info.
Going out alone
I went back to the western bar and challenged myself to order a drink. I went up to the counter, and made very lame/awkward conversation with some French guy next to me. I ordered a shot, took it, and ran out of the place, lol. Again, just felt reaaly self conscious, being so young and not knowing anyone. I've never been to a bar not alone so I'm not even completely sure how it works.
I went to a different nightclub after this. This night was way more tolerable than the previous two, and I didn't care about sticking out nearly as much, but I'm pretty sure it's because I had a bit to drink and didn't go in basically sober like on the previous nights. Like two nights ago, it was way too loud to the challenges, so I didn't bother. Stayed for two-and-a-half hours. I enjoyed the dancing but whenever I'm close to a girl I dance away because I'm uncomfortable dancing with them, even after a few drinks. I remember some formative dancefloor rejections that turned me off from the experience. I need to figure out how to get over that.
Online seems to be working out. One girl agreed to meet up with me tonight, so assuming she doesn't flake that would be my first real date ever. There are also a few other girls (mostly from Tinder, one or two from a language exchange app) that I think I have a decent chance of getting out in the next few days.
Stopping girls and asking them about cellphones. Felt the usual anxiety, oh well.
Later in the day I went on a date with that girl from Tinder. I think it went pretty well. I went for the kiss two times but was turned down on both occasions. Still, this was my first time ever going for a kiss (or being on a date) so I'm pretty happy with myself. I feel actual tangible progress now. I liked her, I hope we can meet up again.
Afterward I tried to go clubbing but they wouldn't let me in because this place, unlike the others, required me to have a passport. I felt a little less conscious though talking to people in line, and even though I wasn't let in by the bouncer I felt pretty decent about myself.
Day 12, 13
Candles and wine. I still felt really good after going out with a girl the previous night so these were reallllly easy for me. I just walked up and down the subway and pounded them out really quickly. I didn't even really care that I stuck out.
But then....I tried day 14. Holy shit this is HARD. I wandered around probably the most crowded nightlife area on the face of planet Earth (seriously it's unreal, probably tens of thousands of college students running around in party mode) for like two hours and got one high-five. This exercise is just reallly awkward for me. I thought going to such a humongously crowded place would be an advantage, but I think it was a bit of a disadvantage because it was really hard to get people's attention. This day definitely brought me to my knees. I'm gonna try again tomorrow.
After this, I went clubbing again. Something weird happened. For the first two night I went clubbing alone, I was anxious. The third, I was just bored. This fourth time I legitimately had a ton of FUN. I was the only white foreigner guy (though there were Asian American guys) but I just didn't care about standing out anymore. I danced on the platforms all night long and pulled guys and girls up to dance up there with me. I probably hit on like 8 girls, increasing my lifetime count of girls I've hit on to 9 including subway girl from a few days ago. One of them seemed really into me and wanted to dance, and I went for the makeout like 4 times, but eventually she left. I also went for a makeout on two other girls, increasing my lifetime count of girls i've tried to kiss to tonight's three + yesterday's date. But they're all rejections, I'm still kissless lol. I think I have a decent chance of fixing this tonight, though, being a Saturday. Also, I smoked for the first time in my life when I copped a cigarette off someone. I think I did it wrong and the cigarette snapped in half. Not sure if I want to keep trying this.
Note: Unlike in previous night, I was also serious about being pretty drunk, which probably contributed to my enjoyment of the night, hah.
Onward. The high-five day walled me back home, and I'm not going to let it stop me here, especially with the progress I've been making.
This was definitely, as expected, a pretty hard day. The culture in this country is pretty closed off so even though I tried going up to girls and being like "hey, high-five!" a few times it didn't really work. The rejection from trying that also gave me a fair bit of anxiety. So, what I started doing was asking girls the time, or other stupid questions (like "where's the statue of liberty?") and then high-fiving them when they gave me the answer. I'm honestly not sure if it's cheating, but oh well.
At night I moved into my dorms at the university I'm going to be studying at over the summer. I ate with a group of people, was really outgoing, lead them, teased all the girls, etc. which is ok but part of me wonders if I'm just being kind of a clown. My ultimate impression of them was that they were all pretty boring, didn't want to go clubbing or anything. So then I met up with another group that was much cooler, and we went barhopping together, my first experience doing it. They all seemed a bit older than me but I don't think they noticed. I was pretty anxious starting out, but I had a much better time once I started to drink.
I have another first date with a different girl tonight. We've been chatting online for a few weeks. I think it will go pretty well. I'm going to go for the kiss (I'm not sure first-dating kissing is common in this culture but I don't really care).
The girl I went on a date from a few days ago has also agreed to meet up with me again in a few days, so she must be ok with me. Second date so I don't think she'll turn down the smooch down again lol.
The date went ok. She was way more touchy with me than the last one even without me having to initiate, but when I went to put my arm around her sitting down and make a move, she moved it away. Still no kiss.
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