TOPIC: My AA journal. In my opinion, IT'S FINISHED!

Day 2
What I did:
-signed the petition
-started my journal (here)

Miscellaneous:
So I went out with a friend (guy) to a bar to have a drink. Because I told myself that if someone invites me outside to do something it's better, as much as I have time to go, to break the monotony. I didn't go to talk to girls, just to have a drink and to make some pictures. I will attach them at the end of this post.

Day 3 and Day 4 together

Day 3

What I did:
-Go to www.OKCupid.com and start an online dating profile.
-Read "Rooster's Guide to Plenty of Fish"
*Remarks
-On "plenty of fish" I tried a lot of usernames but it kept saying "sorry, the username is already taken" so I only signed up on okcupid.
-These sites don't really work for me, because there are not a lot of girls in xxxxx on okcupid.com
-I'm already on facebook: www.facebook.com/xxxxxxx
and on tinder on which I log in with facebook.
-I don't have good pictures

Day 4

What I did:
-Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE: asked girls and women for the time (5 incounters, one of which was two girls, ) and another 2 girls, alone in the evening.
How I felt:
-My voice was fast, squeamish and a little high pitched, like a girl's
-I was nervous and felt weird about asking people for the time when I had a cell phone with me
-I was feeling like people were watching me.
-It felt easier to approach older women
*Remarks
-I try to include this program into my daily life. I went to school to do something and my friend wanted to tag along. I told him about my program after meeting him so I could avoid the question: "why are you asking random girls for the time?"
-I feel that I can to this program actually better alone/solo.

Day 5

What I did:
-Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
-Walk up to 5 women again an ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE.
How I felt:
-My voice was a bit stronger
-I was a litle less nervous than the day before
-I was breathing a little better
-I felt some of that social momentum.
*Remarks
-I did the whole drill in about 20 min
-I only approached girls my age this time
-I hesitated on some girls but I believe I can do this drill a little bit better/faster.

Day 6

I repeated Day 5
-Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
I went to the bank today to do something so I asked 5 girls for the time. I actually wanted to do the follow-up of day 6 "ask them directions to somewhere and ask them if they've been there before". But I got borred really fast and I got dissapointed that I've met very few girls on my way.
How I've felt:
-I was more relaxed than last time, less scared,
-I've felt the social mementum but it died really quickly.
*Remarks
-I have to stop thinking of all the bad shit that might happen because they don't exit
-I have to stop feeling weird about doing these strange drills
-I have to go to places more populated in my city.
-

I'm writing this after about 30 min since the last post.
Something is happening to me. I'm nervous, not in an angry way, in a way that I wanna do something, anything, productive, like call a friend and hang out. Am I changing? I feel better writing this.Um, maybe if I clean my room. I will re-read Chri's post about 15 tips to decrease anxiety naturally. I have some shit to do for school. some shit to learn.

I have come back after some time, I don't now, about 2 months?
So, I was busy with exams, still busy. I have fallen in some depression or something
I did day 8 today
Day 8 Drill (Level 1)

Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Directions, Leave
Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Leave
Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Do you like it?, Leave
If the girl says "No, I haven't been there" repeat the drill on another girl who has and ask her "Do you like it?"
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.

I woke up, 9AM, did 1.5g of phenibut and went to town around 1PM and drank 200ml of wiskey. A great combination. Maybe it's cheating. But fuck it.
The drills were fairly easy. I had a temptation to do more exercises (talk to more girls) but I figured that it's better to take it easy. Consistency is important. in my mind. I can't rush this program. Even if it takes me 1 year to beat approach anxiety, what does it matter?
Maybe you guys can give me a little support? I don't really need it but it would help.

Day 9 Drill (Level 1)

Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Leave
Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Did you like it?, Leave
If the girl answers "No, I haven't eaten there," you need to still ask her "Did you like it?"
Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.

and

Day 10 Drill (Level 2)

Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Leave
Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Have you seen any good movies lately?, Leave
Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.

I took some txxxx before doing these drills today. I got them from a good friend of mine. They help but they also have some side effects. Maybe I took too much (350mg).
What I have noticed is that some girls are really helpful and polite and some don't even stop and answer my questions, they just slow down their walking speed. Just like Chris said, I can expect very different reactions from the girls. Some are available, some are really not. I even had 2 or 3 girls which smiled at me, and in that moment I was thinking that I could ask her name, where she's from, get her phone number, etc. But I did not. I just did the drills.
I felt the social mementum. The next drill was easier than the previous one.
I hope I can get through this whole program alive.

Day 11 Drill (Level 2)

Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, Leave
Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Leave
Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Do you like it? Leave
Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 20 girls in total.
This is a particularly significant day so I encourage you to redo it (several times, if needed) until you feel good about it.

So i took some phenibut and 200ml of gin for this drill.
What I have to implant in my head is this:
1. Why I'm doing this: So that I can hit on any girl i see.
2. I have to accept the ideea that it's possible that I will become known as a weirdo/retard, but if this is the price I have to pay for the reason above, then so be it
3. Maybe it's the same as no.1 but, I will become FREE.
I should feel some anxiety while doing these drills. So, I should challange myself (do hard drills/questions) and don't be too drunk or too drugged. I have to push my limits. If I don't push it I won't know what my limits are.
Now it has become really easy to ask "hey, do you know what time it is?" I will stop asking this question for this reason. But also another reason is this: some girls simply run away after telling me the time and even if they don't run away, I find it hard to follow up casually with another question like: "also, do you know where I can find... x?"
No great achievement is easy. All come at a price.
It doesnt matter what comes out of your mouth. As long as the girl likes you everything will be awesome. Chris is right. I had one group of 2 girls of which one of them said to the other (to the one I approached): "let's go! (he's a weirdo)". And I had another situation in which the girl said: "are you asking me for my phone number"?, and I said "no, I'm asking you where I can find a store which sells phones". Maybe it was a mistake, and I should have started hitting on her, maybe I'm just looking for excuses for being afraid to react or maybe I can just say that I was just following the drill and nothing else.
Anyway, everything I've said above I need to internalize. I can't consciously think of this stuff in the middle of the interaction. This is all just motivation for myself to continue doing these drills the next days.

I notice you use mood enhancers a lot to do the drills. I think I've only been under the influence of phenibut for day 7 I think. Does it help you do the drills more easily? and if it does, doesn't that defeat the purpose of the program?

Yes, they do increase my mood. And also, yes, they do make the drills easier and this is the realization I made in my last day of drills (day 11) which is that I should cut back on these enhancers. I should use them more seldom/ only when absolutely necessary.

Today I did day 12, day 13 and 3 reps of day 14, of which only 1 was successful.

Day 12 Drill (Level 2)
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, Leave
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, Leave
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, I'm the sweetest guy ever, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
You can do this drill however you like, but I generally tell guys to not be "sarcastic," you should come across as sweet and harmless for now.

I did the first 11 reps of this day in a park. The first 5 or 6 reps were the hardest. After that I was more loose. What is most momerable is that on the third rep, the girl was really helpful. She didn't know where to find a place that sells nice candles but she asked their 2 friends (1 guy and 1 girl) and they were very helpful and friendly. In another situation, I said to the girl "hi" and she said "good afternoon", like you would say to an older person (35-40 years or so) and I questioned her about this. I said "how old are you and how old do you think I am?; Why are you greeting me like this". I think she took it like a scold, like I was mean to her, but I really wasn't. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I feel like I'm improving. I was in the moment, calm.
Man, you should have seen me when I finished this day. I was so proud. I was holding my chest up high, walking proudly. I felt like I achieved something. I listened to Chris's day 13 speech and went and ate something at a fast-food.

Day 13 Drill (Level 2)
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, What type do you recommend?, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
Hang in there, the 4th girl may or may not know where to get wine. You should still tell her your good news and ask her what type of wine she recommends.

I didn't have much problems with this day. Only that the questions felt awkward, especially the question "what type of wine do you recommend?". I wasn't very scared. I focused on my questions, on my drills. I was always thinking about the next question. I managed to approach better than the previous drills. What I mean is, I approached almost every girl between the ages of 18 to 30, group no more than 2 girls, no guy around and I avoided, also, the ones which were accompanied by their mother and the ones which were with their children. Seems like a lot, but, yea, I don't know. When I will do full-on approaches I will definetly avoid these girls.
Then I hit day 14. And I didn't expect it, but this day 14 hit me like a brick wall.

Day 14 Drill (Level 2)
Give 10 girls a high-five.
Guesstimate how long it took you and record it in your AA Log.
Repeat this 2 times today, you will high-five 20 girls in total.
This drill is fairly easy for most guys, it can happen pretty naturally when 2 parties are walking.
For the guys that find it the hardest, just as always- I remind you that the FIRST rep is the hardest, so GET IN THERE and you'll be more relaxed.

I went to a mall, went around it 2 times, got really pissed at myself. I did one rep but unsuccesful. I wanted to slap myself. I was sad and I wanted to go home. But on the way I convinced myself that I will give it one more try in the park which I talked about in day 12. I finnaly did 1 successful rep. Was really proud of myself. I was dancing, in my head. I tried a third rep on a girl which stopped me to give a flier (that was her job) but I failed. So I went home. I'm reflecting now on my reactions. I will not give up. I feel like shit when I'm failing. I know I will be very dissapointed if I stop this program and I don't wanna feel this way.

Nice. No drugs this time. Day 14 was very hard for me as well at the start. I did one set at the mall, I did it in the mall and went into a Macy's and got rejected real hard in the store. I felt like a dumbass. The key is to get in there, and keep sticking your hand out for a high five with very little lag time. The interactions for these should last no longer than a few seconds for each high five, except for the girls that ask you 'Why?" I did part B of 14 and day 15 at a college campus(easier to do there than at the mall) and part A of 16 at the mall. Some drills 'feel' harder to do at certain places and some feel easier.

Try doing day 14 at a park or a nature walk path or at the beach.

I think the point of these type of drills (days 14, 15, 16) drill is to introduce you to doing shit that attracts attention so you slowly stop caring what people around you think, and I think that's your sticking point, caring what others think. Give it another go with that in mind. Good progress man. Keep it up.