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Yeah, you have to congratulate yourself on reducing fapping that much. I know it can be a mental block with the sex but you will only ever be capable of doing it if you start actively striving for it. I'm still not as good at sex as I'd like to despite my lay count of 25. Still a bit anxious sometimes which hinders my physical capabilities.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
It's hard and it hurts. I know, and I understand. Not to that extent because I've lost my virginity from cold approach 2 months ago at 21, but I do understand the pain, suffering and a sense of insecurity that is caused by you being a passive observer looking at your peers, friends, family and hollywood celebrities enjoying (what seems) passionate romantic/sexual life while you feel incompetent to achieve the same and powerless to start on that journey. And that feeling in your case went on for years and years.
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that I notice a strong dichotomous polarity in your thought patterns. On one side you are saying that sex is overrated, meaningless and basically not worth it, while on the other hand writing your thread title defining yourself as a "30yr old virgin".
I understand that you've built a belief system discrediting sex and its value in order to protect your Ego (I don't have it and I don't care because it sucks and it ain't worth it), but trust me, and I'm telling this with the best intentions, you will do yourself a huge favor if you, despite the huge pain it will open and force you to deal with, drop that belief system. Sex is beautiful, its our primary need, and a source of great enjoyment and satisfaction.
Don't let yourself be defined by your virginity. You ain't a "30yr old virgin". Fuck those societies labels. Try to embrace your pain as hard as it may be. If you decide to try and commit yourself to the process of you changing, you will sure as fuck be able to make it, even tho it may seem to you at this moment that its impossible. Its not.
You are a 30 year old confused, hurt, but aspiring fighter who is still kicking. That's a reality. I understand the thoughts of desperation and "I have no chance of making it" that underline your posts, but I tell you not as a motivational bullshit, but as an objective truth you can't fully see because you are blinded by the pain and sadness (which is completely normal, don't put a judgement on your emotions), that you can fucking make it. It's not too late for you to achieve any aspiration you had in terms of your relationship with other sex.
It will require a fuckton of fanatic courage. Dealing with our own deepest troubles and demons always does. But once you're on the other side the path you've crossed doesn't seem as dark, hard and impossible as it did when you were beginning. You just need to make the first damn step, as hard as it may be. And then another. Trip. Fall. Get hurt even more. But then make one more step further. And just repeat so until you reach your goal.
I believe in you. No feel good bullshit, no lies. It is the truth. I really do believe in you and you really can do it.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.