This is an opinion website that offers information of a general nature and none of the opinions should be construed as advice. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Good Looking Loser. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals.
Affiliate Disclosure: At absolutely no expense to you, if you make a purchase, we may receive commissions from some links on this website. That is how our community supports itself. I don't recommend anything that I have not used personally or believe in. Thanks!
On the other hand, I went to a concert last night, and that was a total failure AA-wise. When I got there this guy introduced himself to me and we chatted briefly, but I didn't initiate any social interactions. There were bunches of girls standing around everywhere, even a few by themselves. The problem was I didn't get in there. I got settled into "standing around, occasionally checking my phone" mode and quickly got stuck there. It's not impossible to get out of that, but it's a lot harder to get from there to social butterfly than to get from "zero" to social butterfly. Standing Around Mode is -100.
The concert was a band called Lotus. I love seeing that band, it's jamtronica at high-tempo with a disco beat, tons of fun to dance to and the fans always get really into it. Later in the night, there was this girl near me who I swear was rolling her face off. She kept looking at me and smiling, and even sort-of talked to/interacted with me a couple times. By that point, I was so deep in anti-social mode I didn't really talk back, and honestly kind-of blew her off. That really pissed me off. Part of me went into this, "you're still at step 0, you have tons of work to do before you get to where you want to be", which the second part may be true (depending on how you define "a ton"), but then I got ahold of my negative thoughts and said, "you have your on nights and off nights. On nights, you'd be making out with this girl (if she was available for that) right now, like you have in other situations. You're actually pretty close, you just didn't get yourself rolling tonight". Also, I'm not actually done beating AA yet. Should I have done drills on some girls there? Yeah, a good idea would have been as soon as I walked in, to walk up to every group of girls and say, "you girls are cute" and introduce myself. But then again, that's a "harder" drill than what I'm on right now, so while a useful challenge, it's nothing to freak out about that I didn't.
Another thing is, it's these failed nights that really push me into overdrive. You know I really think that's what sets this community apart from "normal" people. Most people hate insecurity and always see it as defeat. A normal guy would take this nights where he gets frozen up by anxiety and ends up feeling like a loser, and gets traumatized by it and vows to never go out alone (or at least, for a concert or something, decide from the beginning to not even try to talk to anyone) again. But with me, it's these kinds of experience that make me obsessively dedicated to achieving a level of social freedom 99% of people will never experience. That's another thing I remembered. Everyone else there was in their little group. These two girls near where I was standing, basically just stood there and chatted with each other the whole night. There were a few hippie guys dancing wildly and getting laughs and high fives from some people, but I didn't see them really talk to a lot of other people. The guy who talked to me at the beginning talked to a few other people, then I didn't see him anymore. Good for him, he's very abnormal. I'm not some socially retarded loser who can't talk to people. I just don't (yet) have the balls to go make a bunch of new friends every time I go out, even on "off" nights (I can only do that on my "on" nights). I have extremely high standards for myself.
My "mental problems" are everyone else's normal
The whole thing made me more determined to work on nighttime anxiety. I didn't go do that on Friday night. I took that day off, which I needed. It's a good idea for me to plan a day off from this stuff (if for nothing else, because like I said above walking around for 1+ hour is a pretty decent workout). I'll be snowboarding next weekend so I'll plan to go out and do the arm squeezing drill on Thursday night. so I might take Thursday off from day drills and rest before I go out.
Have you tried taking a couple grams of phenibut before a concert? That shit turns me into a social butterfly at a show I'm into. I'll go to the show alone and dance around and make friends with all sorts of random girls. I feel like I don't have AA at all when I do that. During the day while sober though my AA is awful. You should try going to more of those shows. It's like a totally different thing that approaching girls during the day to me.
I was actually on phenibut at that concert. I've been a regular phenibut user for a couple years now.
My experience with it is basically the same as with more powerful drugs like ecstasy. They always make me feel good, but whether this translates into being a social butterfly, it's very hit or miss. Phenibut's never really changed my social/approach anxiety much. With more powerful stuff like E, a few times I've taken it I became a completely different person socially, going around talking to everyone. Other times (the majority, actually), I don't talk to anyone I don't know, and it might even make it worse because I feel so good I don't care that I'm not talking to anyone. It removes insecurity, which is bad because insecurity drives action.
The biggest factor to whether I have an "on" night where I meet people, talk to girls and possibly make out with one of them, is how quickly I get over the initial hump and get out of my head. That always takes a bit of effort. The sooner I do it, the easier it is and the more on-a-roll I get. The longer I take. the more I get stuck in my head, and create the overanalysis quiet/ruminating feedback loop that keeps me in my head. I really just need more practice and exposure. I really want to go to more shows like that, I just need to find more shows like it. Lotus is "Jamtronica", like the Disco Biscuits, STS9, etc. None of those bands come around L.A. that often, surprisingly enough. There's gotta be a scene for it here though. There are tons of EDM shows and I like the girls there too.
I also wonder if I'm actually holding myself back by convincing myself I still have AA because I haven't "finished the AA program". Well, if that's true, the solution is simple: just finish the damn thing. Then I simply won't have that excuse anymore. Plus I know that's really not true. I genuinely do still have some AA left. I tried doing real approaches last month and I just paced around a lot missing opportunities. Guys can approach with AA, but not in the same way they can if they actually beat it completely.
Finished last half of Day 39 on Monday. Even though Monday is one of the slowest days at the mall, I went right after work instead of going home first, got there before 6pm, and had plenty of time to find 20 girls to talk to. No issues with the drills, they were all easy and I got right in there. I said, "you're cute" to a girl with her friend.
Yesterday, after another fucking girl from Tinder who's been stringing me along cancelled last minute and almost derailed my who evening (which culminated in me getting so extremely fed up I had to have a long down-to-Earth talk with myself, which I recorded and posted
), but I took the opportunity to go start Day 40. I finished a half of it, with basically no hesitation. I was very persistent with the few girls who refused to give me a high-five, more than I've ever been with any drill. Definitely proud of myself.
Hahahaha dudes, the funniest thing happened last night!
I went to the mall to finish Day 40. Did exactly that. Went quite well, best part was I did the drill on a few girls who were sitting down, which is good because that's a little more challenging for me. Ready for Day 41.
Okay, so this one girl, when I walked up to her, I did the drill (hey wait... you're cute, I'm Dan, high five), but then thought... "this girl looks a lot like that girl I hit up on Badoo last week that flaked on me three times". She was obviously very thrilled that I did the drill on her, I could see a big smile on her face as she walked away. She also came off as really shy. I walked away, laughing at the idea that this could have been the same girl. The girl's name on Badoo is "Anastasia".
Then, half an hour later or so, I got home from the mall, and I get a buzz on my phone. Open it up, and see this notification from Badoo:
You bumped into Anastasia
And she definitely knew. I said my name as part of the drill, which she knew from Badoo, and she got the notification too.
Did Day 41 on Monday. Wasn't very happy with how it went. I got all 20 reps in but I avoided a lot of opportunities. So I repeated it yesterday. Pretty satisfied with that, though I was on phenibut so I'll probably repeat it again this weekend when I'm not on phenibut. I talked to the same girl twice haha, she said, "you've already talked to me". I also, without thinking, asked a girl for the time while I had my phone out looking at it. She glanced at my phone briefly but then got hers out and told me. See that's the thing. You might think people will "call you out" for stuff like that (they will if you do something really ridiculous like ask the same girl for the time twice 5 minutes apart like I did last summer but they aren't mean, just confused), but they don't. They usually comply and try to be helpful.
I've noticed I am pretty persistent with finishing the drills like the ones that involve two high fives. I'll stick in there for a while, probably longer than I should on "real" approaches when it's obvious the girl doesn't want to talk to me. But I'm not approaching girls, I'm doing drills and working on social freedom.
On Wednesday, I was extremely sleep-deprived and felt terrible all day. I barely made it through my legs workout in the morning. While I was working out, I made a big decision (talked about it in my
): change my sleep schedule so I wake up at 8am and target a 12am bedtime, instead of waking up at 5am and targeting a 9pm bed time. This will make doing nighttime stuff way easier and sleep deprivation won't keep screwing me. But on Wednesday, I went to the mall to start Day 42, did a single rep of "hey... you're cute, I'm Dan", then I decided the most productive thing to do was to go home, relax and get a good night's rest. Related to this, I think I should take one day off per week from my goals to rest. That will help me not get burned out.
Yesterday, I did Day 42. I was on phenibut again. It was a little challenging at first but it got pretty easy by the end. By now I have started getting "real" rejections, usually when I go for the handshake. One girl said she has a boyfriend, another said, "I'm married, if my husband sees you right now...". That of course is sexual availability, which has NOTHING to do with me. It's even more interesting to watch my mind immediately go to my looks whenever I get an "unavailable" reaction. It's all in my head. That being said, I consider negative reactions, or at least rejections, to be the most valuable part of this program, so I usually don't try to look good when I do AA drills (I don't go out of my way to look bad, but I also don't go out of my way to look good). I looked particularly not good yesterday:
It's mostly my hair, which looked awful because it wasn't styled with stuff that holds it up (that makes a massive difference to how good I look, see my journal for pics where I look good, don't underestimate how significant small details like haircuts, grooming, tans, etc. impact your attractiveness).
Some girls yesterday seemed nervous. Others seemed into the interaction. My whole experience online has taught me that this does not matter. There is no correlation between how a girl acts and whether she actually sleeps with you. Probably the only thing that "matters" is how she responds to, "hey wanna come over and watch a movie tonight?" Yesterday I also saw two hot girls together walking next to me, so I said, "hey... you're cute", then after she laughed and thanked me, I said to her friend, "you're cute too!" Was definitely proud I did that. I wanted to continue doing extra reps but I had to stay late at work and didn't get there until 7pm, so by the time I finished the 20 reps it was past 8pm and the mall was emptying out. Plan to repeat Day 42 today.
Last night I went to a bar just to start getting used to being at bars. Once I got there I decided to try squeezing some girls' arms. Described what happened in my journal, I went to squeeze this hot drunk girls' arm but I ended up just kind-of brushing her arm with my hand. Then I went and actually squeezed another girl's arm. Then I walked past the first girl again, she grabbed my cheeks and said, "you're so cute!", I said, "you're cute!" and hugged her. Overall very good experience that helped me internalize that going to bars by myself can actually be fun.
I should also say... I don't remember at all doing these drills the first time (back in October/November 2015). I went back and read that part of this thread, and there are some weird points. I said that Day 41 was my first time doing high-fives together with other things, but Day 40 has high-fives, and I have no recollection of doing that day either. All the other days are quite memorable for me, especially the first time I did 38 and 39. I remember doing Day 45, 46 and 47, but that's it. Did I inadvertently fuck up and skip drills or something? Who knows, but I know I ended up spending about 1 day/week doing drills throughout that time (that was a bullshit two months of my life, I don't know what happened but I really dropped the ball with everything). I never really did Week 6. Not like I'm doing now. No wonder I never felt comfortable approaching.
This time will be different. I plan to spend an entire week repeating Day 46 over and over until I'm completely and utterly bored with it.
Yesterday I repeated Day 42, no phenibut assistance. Did a pretty good job. I got several reactions that were... annoying. Basically girls acting scared and refusing to open their mouths or even look at me and just scurry away. "Do What You Want" is an important part of Week 6, but I'm not entirely sure what I want to do. These aren't exactly negative reactions like the girls being bitches, but I feel like it's rude. I never think of anything to say at the time, and I do prefer to be "unshaken" by it. That doesn't mean "don't be reactive", it means my reaction is to stay in a good mood and make it clear to the girl her sour mood is her problem, not mine. But if I get annoyed by that reaction again, I thought of something I can say: "oh okay I guess you never learned how to talk".
Last night I went to bars and they were weirdly slow. The first one I went to was almost empty. Hung out there for 10-15 minutes or so, then bailed and went to another one. This was had some people in it, but it was mostly people sitting at tables eating food, and a handful of girls on the dance floor. I grabbed a drink and alternated between chilling on my phone and walking around the place, and I squeezed one girl's arm as I walked by. She got kind of freaked out, turned around really quickly and looked at me. I smiled at her and told her she's cute and kept walking. I feel really weird doing the arm squeeze drill when the bars aren't busy. That will be a good challenge at some point, to do that drill when there's only a few people at the bar and everyone sees me do it.
I did Day 43 today. Phenibut assisted, powered through it pretty quickly with no issues. A few girls wouldn't give a high five, even though I was pretty persistent. Didn't really get any negative or annoying reactions though. I plan to repeat it again tomorrow.
After that, it's Day 44, which is the eye contact drill. Same as last time, I don't want to waste time waiting for girls to give me eye contact at the mall (which doesn't happen very often), so I will do that in parallel with other drills. Then its just Day 45, the group drill, then the big Day 46. I will need to spend a few days on Day 45, then like I said I'm going to spend up to a week doing Day 46 until it's nothing to me. I won't start doing real approaches or move onto Week 7 until both Day 46 and Day 47 (final bar drill) are completely effortless for me. But I'm so close. A couple of weeks now and I'll be there. I'm very excited. I'm ALL IN on this right now an it feels good.
Keep it up I complete up to week 7 and I can tell you that it has changed me for the better. For example. A year ago before I started the AA program it would take everything I had in me to talk to one girl a day and I could barely do that consistently.
Now from doing these drills approaching a few girls a day is easy. My anxiety has gone down by alot.
Keep at it and I wish you the best.
= goal achieved
Complete AA program by the end of Jan 2018.
Complete my web development portfolio by August 2018
Complete 100 approaches by 2019.
Get accepted into a college/university in Canada/USA
Thanks bro. It's made a huge difference for me too. I never thought I would be able to do this kind of stuff. The first drill that was nearly impossible for me was the high five drill. Yesterday I high-fived 21 girls then told them they're cute and it hardly phased me.
Today was a half-ass day in general. I only did 30 minutes or cardio instead of the whole hour, then I only did 9 reps in the repeat of Day 43. I think I was just being lazy, but one issue was I decided to do a long fast and one big meal in the evening today instead of a small meal in the early afternoon then big meal later. Honestly I was craving junk food from a restaurant and could only fit it into my calorie budget by making it the one meal of the day. A lapse in discipline from seeking the simple pleasure of a decadent meal. I had just finished the cardio and was doing drills at the mall, with nothing in my stomach, and got really light-headed and exhausted walking around. I could have eaten something at the mall but it would have spoiled my planned meal so I just left early instead. Not great, but shit happens. It wasn't a zero day though. Just didn't do 100% of what I committed to doing.
That being said, one thing that helped me quit early is that the Day 43 drills are already boring. I'm at the point where as soon as I spot a girl, even if she's right in front of me, I just do the drill without hesitation. The only issue I have, and this is something I may need to work specifically on once I finish Week 6 and start doing real approaches, is I still sometimes avoid situations where a lot of people are nearby and will overhear me. I've worked on that some the last couple weeks, but that's an area that's lagging behind. I have essentially no anxiety with the girl I'm actually talking to. When there's no one else around I'm fearless. But that fear of being watched is a major part of approach anxiety. One thing I like about these drills that start with high fives is that you know everyone can see you doing that. The interaction can't be mistaken for a simple conversation. Giving someone a high five in a mall is "weird".
So there were maybe 2 girls I let slip by because she was right in the middle of a crowd and I would have either gotten in the way of people or slowed down the foot traffic or whatever. Overall I think I surpassed the 90% threshold. And I have no trouble with girls sitting down if they're not sitting right next to a bunch of other people. I'm doing pretty well, I just think challenging myself specifically with the girls where I know people will actually hear me hitting on her is a worthwhile pursuit later.
Since I said I was going to repeat Day 43, I will stick to my word and do the remaining 12 on Tuesday (tomorrow is my designated rest day). But frankly I feel like it's just to say I did it. I probably don't need to. I realized walking around the mall today, I'm ready to start working on Day 45 and especially Day 46. I'm at a point where it's definitely doable, so I can get my foot in the door to work on it until it becomes completely boring and easy.
I went to a bar last night. Was on phenibut and had one drink when I got there. This time there was a good crowd. I squeezed a bunch of girls' arms and for a lot of them I gave them eye contact and said, "you're cute" or "hey cutie". I got two positive reactions from this, which is super important. I still feel like it's "just weird" to squeeze a girl's arm, but having two girls react by flirting back with me solidified that only some girls think it's weird, a.k.a. they're unavailable. Now I'm not saying the girls who reacted positively were sexually available. I have no idea. Positive reactions don't mean availability. But that kind of touching is a small basic bit of screening. The point is, I know some girls don't have an issue with it and at least seem to even enjoy it.
It would have been easier for me to actually start up conversations with some girls than to walk past them or have them walk past me and squeeze their arm. Way easier in fact. But that really speaks to what I'm doing here. I'm not going out to "meet girls". I'm not going out to have nice conversations. I'm going out to GET LAID. Facing my anxiety with physical screening and being touchy-feely with girls right up front is way more productive than working on something that's already more-or-less doable for me and will risk wasting my time. I want to screen hard up front and not talk to any girls who don't want to wrap their legs around me that night. I can handle the rejection. All the AA drills, and especially the bullshit time-wasting validation I got from online, has hardened me enough. Yeah, it hurts a little bit, but I can handle it, and I have the right attitude about getting rejections, even bitchy ones.
I also noticed that the adrenaline rush I was getting from being at the bar and actually engaged with drills instead of standing in the corner is starting to come off as excitement rather than fear. I was actually insanely horny when I got home afterword just thinking about how it's a real possibility that one of those girls there could have gone home with me, and all that stands in my way is screening them. The hotties I can tell it will take some work for me to really be able to screen them, but at least in my head I feel ready to screen above-average girls. Obviously that's just words, doesn't mean shit until I actually do it. But mentally being there certainly doesn't hurt. I am really enjoying this. Going out by myself is what I want to be doing right now. It's way more exciting than staying home on weekend nights or even hanging out with friends (I prefer to be at the bar alone, fewer distractions), and even if it's months before I actually take a girl home (frankly with how things are going I doubt it will be that long, but it's okay if it is), the possibility is so exciting to me. I was in a great mood today because I actually committed to going out three nights and I genuinely felt comfortable doing so.
Monday was my designated rest day. Tuesday I finished the remaining 12 reps of the Day 43 repeat. It took a long ass time because the mall was so empty, but it was easy. I'm ready to move on.
So next is Day 44 and Day 45. With Day 44, like I've mentioned, I don't want to get stuck waiting for enough girls to give me eye contact, but I do want to make an effort to get more eye contact. Clothes I feel are a major way (that doesn't require months of improvement like getting more jacked) to do this, so I'm thinking of experimenting with this on the weekend. So what I'm focusing on now is Day 45, which is groups.
I was at the mall today for almost an hour walking around looking for groups but I didn't end up doing any drills. I eventually decided to quit for the day. This plus not finishing all of the Day 43 repeat last Sunday are two instances of dropping the ball lately. I've felt bad both times so I need to remember that and not keep slacking. However, the mall has been genuinely less busy this week for whatever reason. What I should have done is repeated Day 43 on girls alone while I looked for groups. I saw some groups but they were unattractive or old women. I have some experience with groups already, I've all the basic "you're cute" and variations from Week 6 on girls with friends. I always did it with usually two girls who were both young and cute. That might be too specific to get through 12 reps.
Another thing was I had chores I've been putting off like cleaning my room that were bugging me, so I got them all done tonight and they're off my mind now.
Tomorrow I'm heading there straight after work and not leaving until either I get all 12 reps in or the mall closes. Then it's time to start focusing on the Day 46 milestone. Tomorrow is Thursday so the three-day nightlife begins and I can work on the arm squeezing drills.
The GoodLookingLoser.com forum offers visitors the ability to exchange information and thoughts. Nothing contained within GoodLookingLoser.com forum is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to GoodLookingLoser.com or of Goodlookingloser.com itself. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals. Visitors are to make their own independent inquiries before acting on any information contained within the website forum.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.