This is an opinion website that offers information of a general nature and none of the opinions should be construed as advice. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Good Looking Loser. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals.
Affiliate Disclosure: At absolutely no expense to you, if you make a purchase, we may receive commissions from some links on this website. That is how our community supports itself. I don't recommend anything that I have not used personally or believe in. Thanks!
Hey guys, long time no see, but don't worry I haven't quit. I've sort of been on vacation mode for most of December. I went snowboarding on the weekend of the 12th, which was a lot of fun, but I got pretty sick and was fighting that off for the next week. The week after that I kind of goofed off, though I was dealing with a bunch of high-stake stuff at work. I'm taking all of this week off, and using the opportunity to get back into AA drills and try to finish up the program. I'm a little rusty having gone a couple of weeks without doing drills, so I'm repeating most of the Week 6 daytime drills. On Saturday I got back into the groove by repeating Day 38, all 40 reps in one go. As I expected, it was a little challenging to get back into things, but it wasn't long before the ball was rolling. The plan is to knock out the rest of the "review" drills tomorrow and Wednesday, and then I'll have Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to get through as much of Week 7 and Week 8 as I can. Since I literally have nothing but free time, as long as the crowds aren't nonexistent it should be possible, though challenging, to complete the rest of the program by next Sunday. Either way, I should be able to at least finish Week 7. I'm getting eager to start trying this for real.
Haven't been doing the online dating at all, I've just been lazy and I'm sort of waiting to finish all the "training" so I can explode out of the classroom blazing on all fronts. I need to a nice, sharp haircut with short sides and take a nice picture of myself with my electric sitar to replace my current guitar pic. I'm going snowboarding again on Jan. 9, and this time I'm gonna try to get an action shot or two, or at least one of me on the trip with all my gear (I look badass, unlike last year when I looked goofy, because I bought all new clothes and everything and it all matches, fits well and looks good).
I can't lie, I'm a little frustrated with myself it's taking me 6+ months to finish the AA program (I have a full time job, gym, and other stuff going on, but I just know I wasted a lot of time). But I've learned a lot. What holds me back in many ways is when I get into lazy, weird funks and just waste a lot of time. Now that I'm acutely aware of it, basically the only thing that goes through my mind when I get sexually frustrated is, "you're not putting in any effort", which is really the truth, much better than the self-loathing things I used to think. That's something for me to work on over next year (general self-discipline and not getting stopped or controlled by "bad state"). I've made a lot of improvements in my mood and drive either way, so I'm excited to see how much progress I can make over 2016. Training is pretty much over, so now it's time to get some action.
So far 2016 has been pretty good, though I’ve legitimately been really busy with work so I haven’t been doing AA drills as much as I’d like to be. I did manage to start Week 7 last week, where I got through the first half of Day 48. I only got through half because I was super sleep-deprived that day and was just exhausted. The drills were fairly easy and I got pretty much all good reactions.
Planning on finishing the second half today and continuing forward with Week 7 this week and weekend. One thing that’s been on my mind, that has been creating some extra anxiety for me, is that I haven’t done a real (non-drill) cold approach yet, even though obviously I’m able to, given I can do the Day 46+ drills. This upcoming 3-day weekend is a good opportunity to try that out, so I’m planning on doing 10 or so “real” (though not super-aggressive) approaches this weekend, if for nothing else so I can tell myself, “I’ve done this before”. There’s a point where continuing exclusively with drills is becoming a form of avoidance: I can approach for real now, but I’m a little nervous about it, so I’m actually obsessing over AA drills as a way to avoid actually approaching! Of course I’ll still finish the program, it’s just time to start throwing real approaches in with the drills (and as Chris always says, I’ll never confuse which one of the two I’m doing).
I still haven’t gotten back into online dating. I’m honestly just being lazy and putting it off. I went snowboarding this last weekend and got a couple of cool pictures of myself, so I’ll throw those up on my profiles. Some time this week (possibly tonight if I get to it) I’ll take a solid picture of myself with a musical instrument, that’s a little more edgy/badass than the one I’ve been using. Then I’ll have a solid list of photos to work with, even though there will be room for improvement moving forward (still working toward that 8% body fat haha).
I’ve been doing a pretty good job of cutting back on smoking weed, which invariable leads to me being more productive and in a better mood. Last week pretty much every day I waited until I had completed everything on my “To Do” list, was in my robe and ready for bed, before I smoked weed. I have found some tricks that make giving up the habit of being perpetually stoned way easier. Weed works primarily as a GABA antagonist, which results in raised dopamine levels (hence the intensified, psychedelic experience of reality when high, and eventually being unmotivated once you start running out of dopamine), and probably norepinephrine too (hence getting paranoid when getting too high). I was surprised to discover that weed only raises serotonin in low doses, and actually lowers serotonin in high doses (my doses are massive, by the way). Weed raises melatonin massively but I already knew that (hence insomnia when quitting).
So, long story short, what I’m doing to make withdrawing as painless as possible is to restore the neurotransmitters that end up abnormally low when I stop smoking. For weed this is mostly dopamine, so I’ve been taking L-Tyrosine supplements throughout the day, which mostly eliminates the withdrawal symptoms (leaving behind only the old psychological craving: “gee I’d like to get stoned now”, instead of “I feel like shit, I need to smoke to feel normal”). I’ve also taking L-Tryptophan to make sure my serotonin levels are sufficient, and adding in some SAM-e, which is a necessary cofactor in the conversion L-Tryptophan->5-HTP->Serotonin. I take lots of fish oil throughout the day too, as well as high doses of magnesium, Vitamin D, and iodine, all on top of a solid multivitamin base. That, plus a high-quality diet, is really emphasizing how much better sobriety can be (most of the time, I have no issue with occasionally indulging in drugs, just not all day everyday). When I stick to that regimen, I feel great and my desire to smoke is minimized.
I’ve had to delay the AA progress because something else has come up. But I’m really, really excited because I identified a long-standing problem that I finally know how to solve, and it’s not even a difficult solution. My productivity in all areas has been in sharp decline since November and I finally figured out why.
Two weeks ago I started struggling extra hard with constant lethargy, to the point I would literally wake up after a full, good night’s sleep feeling exhausted and wanting to go back to sleep (and doing so whenever I could). This has actually been a low-level issue for me for the greater part of the last several years, and it’s been gradually getting worse over this last year. Over the last 3 or 4 months all of my daily activities, including AA drills, online dating, waking up on time, the gym, even sticking to a diet, have gotten increasingly daunting for me, and ironically I stressed myself out even more by worrying about being lazy.
I have the tell-tale symptoms of
(including the random energy bursts that actually prevent me from getting enough sleep, plus the combo of tired but wired), and I’ve known for a while (>6 months) I’m probably in the third stage and dealing with it has constantly been in the back of my head. However, two weeks ago when I was thinking about what to do about it, I suddenly remembered I know exactly what the problem is, and it’s stimulant abuse. I was drinking 300mg of caffeine every morning (5 shots of espresso) at the peak of my caffeine use. I vividly remember two periods in the last few years where, for unrelated reasons, I stopped drinking caffeine entirely, and suddenly I started waking up energized and ready to go by 7am, and naturally getting sleepy around 11pm and always sleeping well (waking up and not wanting to sleep more was an incredible experience for me). I have learned repeatedly, starting back when I was a teenager, that I’m a “slow metabolizer of caffeine”, so I'm extra sensitive to it. Recently I got back to the point where I basically couldn’t function without that first jolt of espresso.
So I know what I need to do, and I’ve already started: no caffeine or stimulants at all until I’m waking up refreshed and excited about life again (last caffeine I had was a single espresso shot last Monday before a workout). The amino acids I’ve been taking to help with smoking less weed have generally calmed me down a lot, and I’ve actually been in a really good mood lately, despite being so exhausted I’m mostly sleeping. I know, directly from experience, that by simply avoiding caffeine I’ll recover from being constantly lethargic, and then everything should start going more smoothly: particularly dieting and gym, and the perpetual pursuit of pussy. I’ve struggled with just plain having no energy for these things, and dragging myself through them instead of enjoying them, and I’m really excited to, well… be excited about them again.
Probably the thing that really pushed me overboard starting after Halloween was intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting is fine… unless you have adrenal fatigue, in which case it just makes things a whole lot worse. Besides, it’s been basically nonfunctional for fat loss, and I made the mistake of focusing only on losing fat, while letting the healthiness of my diet decline. I’m returning to the low-carb healthy (mostly home-cooked) diet, which started working very well the last two weeks I was following it back in October (during which time I also didn’t drink coffee). And I’m eating breakfast to avoid additional stress from fasting. I’m also making sure to get adequate sleep, and taking some vitamins and minerals (C and B complex, magnesium) to assist in the adrenal recovery, plus some licorice root, and drinking lots of water. These actions should have me recover as quickly as possible.
Speaking of fitness, I’ve managed to get down to 13.5% body fat, my lowest yet, thanks to limiting carbs lately! Onward to 8%. I want to get a picture of me shredded with a surfboard on the beach to throw up on Tinder before the summer.
I’ve been taking time to recover since stopping caffeine (with no caffeine, I’ve been mostly sleeping outside of work and gym… my body is obviously desperate for rest). It will probably take me 6-8 weeks to get fully back to “normal” (well, it's more like 12-24 months to fully recover, but I should be back at workable energy levels by 6-8 weeks), but by either next week or the week after that I should be good to continue the AA program to completion. Now that I’m directly addressing my fatigue, my rate of progress should improve dramatically. I honestly should have put everything on hold and done this back in June, but as long as I do it eventually and stop hobbling along toward my goals. By dealing with my fatigue, I can sprint toward them.
The other thing I’ve been thinking, and this was sparked by Chris’ latest article about losing virginity, that obsessing about cold approaching is a mistake right now. After all, I’ve only had sex twice in my life (not with two girls… two times). It’s great I’ve already beaten most of my AA and basically ready to cold approach, and that’s helped me in other ways including with online dating, but I think for a few months or so it would be better for me to usher in a “golden era” of online dating, before focusing too much effort on cold approaching. I still plan to do both moving forward, but I’m going to shift online dating into priority #1. A very sensible goal is to obtain a fuckbuddy from Tinder/OKC as my #1, nothing else matters until it’s done, goal for now. Finishing AA drills and cold approaching are now #2 (or #1b), until I accomplish that goal. Together, they are both still my main goals, but I’m readjusting which one deserves more attention.
I have pictures ready, gonna take one final one this evening, and get the Tinder profile up and running again tonight.
Hey man, just wanted to drop by a text. So, you are past day 46 and you still don't feel like wanting to approach? That's interesting. I guess that makes sense. When you do want to start approaching you want to be more aggresive, right? Not just compliment, small talk, ask for phone number.. You want to screen a little bit more, right?
Day 39 audio, around 13:30: "Some girl who can enjoy sex anytime she wants denies you, who can't much at all and just basically just slaps you in the face and spits on you. You know, not actually doing that, but, let them fucking have it!"
Rules: Sit close to the girl. Never take propanolol again. If the girl wants to talk, lets talk. Stronger handshake. Not smooth. Eye contact, smile. Walk proudly/fix posture.
It's not that I feel the need to only approach more aggressively than the Day 46 drill. It's that I quite honestly haven't had the "fuck it" moment yet.
I wouldn't be surprised if at some point while getting through Week 7 I have the "fuck it" moment. But I'm not gonna force it. I still feel like doing the drills is gaining me something and it's not a waste of my time.
I see you're almost there. Either way, completing Day 46 is life-changing. I'll never forget that day, it's burned into my memory.
Quick update: not much progress this week, still haven't finished Day 49, but not because the drill is hard (it's surprisingly easy for me, I think my AA is pretty much gone now), just logistics. I keep telling myself there aren't enough girls when I go to the malls to do drills, and I think there's two things I need to do to pick up the pace:
1: Be less picky. I don't need to do these drills only on really hot girls. Sure it would be better (better exposure therapy), but if it's the difference between finishing a drill in 1 day vs. a drill taking over a week, then I need to cast a wider net. I can do it on older women too, who may find the whole interaction amusing and flattering.
2: Don't be lazy. If I have to pace around the mall for 4+ hours to get one drill done, then I'll just have to do that. My day job right now is kinda weird. I basically don't have anything to do even though I keep asking for stuff (we just got bought by a giant corporation and our whole department might get laid off soon, which frankly is great for me because this job is just holding me back now, big corporations are retarded and can't manage themselves or utilize the talent they hired). No one will notice or care if I dip out early, or for a couple hours during lunch, to do drills. I can spend 4+ hours a day doing drills, I just don't want to (I can feel the "fuck it" moment coming). But I'm going to if that's what it takes.
I've also figured out that the best thing to do is hang around certain department stores in the mall instead of walking around. More girls in there looking at clothes and shit than walking around the mall.
Progress update: new style items, logistics problem solved, Day 50 and 51 complete, what the fuck is a "hot book guy", funny responses, progress/goals with physique, getting dedicated to creating good sex life by sacrificing other things.
By the way does anyone else also think I talk way too fast? I need to cultivate a more calm, "chill" vibe.
Been pretty busy lately, been a few Tinder dates and had some friends visit from out of town this weekend.
My three weeks of PTO starts tomorrow. I have 21 days off, and 13 days of the AA program left. No excuses. This is the time to finally finish this thing up. I have no problem spending hours at the mall every single day to get this done.
Okay, it's time to focus and get this shit done. It's been more than a year now. I had a relapse of anxiety but I'm back to normal now and feeling good.
I've cleared everything else out of my schedule. The only other things I'm up to right now are gym (which I do 3x a week first thing in the morning), work and two side projects, where those projects are things I can do while I'm at the office or late at night when there's nowhere to do AA drills anyways. The volleyball classes are done, I'm not starting MMA classes or anything else, and I'm not getting involved in anything social, in fact I'm also gonna stop doing online dating because that's actually been fruitful enough it's taking up too much time. It's me and the last dregs of my AA, mono a mono, and I'm not doing any fucking thing else until I finish this!
Right now I am really fucking frustrated because I spent a couple of hours at the mall today and in total spotted maybe ten girls to approach (I'm rusty and pussed out every time so today is a zero day, fuck). I don't know what the hell is going on but ever since I started this up again a few months ago, except for a handful of times there have been so few girls to approach I can barely get through half a day of drills being at the mall for a couple of hours. In more than two months of this I've gotten through only four days. This has happened repeatedly at both the malls nears where I live, and even at the fucking Grove up in Hollywood, which I drove all the way up to on a Saturday and found a bunch of fucking families walking around.
Last fall there were several times I knocked out three or four days of drills in one Saturday afternoon. It might be because I'm going too late. Or maybe I've become way more picky because I'm actually flirting with girls (though I seem to remember talking to a lot of hotties last year). I'm gonna dig through my log here and see if I can remind myself of the times of days I was going before. But damn I am sick of this and I have got to figure out what the issue is. I'm going up to Santa Monica tomorrow morning so I will be at the mall up there the moment it opens. I am planning to stay there the entire fucking day from opening to closing time to get as much done as I possibly can. There's nothing else for me to do. This is my #1 goal and nothing else matters until I am done with the AA program.
The GoodLookingLoser.com forum offers visitors the ability to exchange information and thoughts. Nothing contained within GoodLookingLoser.com forum is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to GoodLookingLoser.com or of Goodlookingloser.com itself. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals. Visitors are to make their own independent inquiries before acting on any information contained within the website forum.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.