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Definitely. It's all about ignoring all the little rules and just going for it.
Day 7 drills are done! This time I really got in there, every time for the first rep. Very first rep in the parking lot, I spotted her before I even got out of the car. I even followed a lady into a store. It definitely makes all the difference to really focus 100% on “get in there”. This time it only took me 20 minutes, and mostly because the mall was pretty empty. Several times I did the next rep immediately after the first one, just walking right up to the next girl I saw. The very last rep, I spotted a pretty hot girl leaving a store on the floor below me, so I went down the stairs and caught up to her.
Started Week 2, and completed Day 8 drills yesterday. I really got in there for all first reps. It took me about 25 minutes. I had to do a few extra reps because the first girls I asked hadn't been to the location before. It gets easier every time. I can already feel how this is rewiring my brain. It is so atypical of me to be in a place like a mall, see an attractive girl, and immediately walk right toward her instead of, if anything, trying to avoid her. Strangers are beginning to occur to me differently: as opportunities for connections, not as something to be afraid of (not like anyone was ever super mean to me, I was just a whiny little bitch).
I am going more edgy with my Tinder pictures, and I haven't gotten any dates yet but I got 15 matches last night. So I think I'm starting to get the hang of that. We'll see if that happens again tonight. I still have massive room for improvement with my profile, and I still need to hit up OkCupid (already have the profile, just haven't hit any girls there yet).
Okay, Day 9 drills were done Wednesday. That day took something. Definitely the most challenging so far. The first girl I asked what time is it and have you eaten at this restaurant, when I said "thanks" and walked away she was so baffled! It was good though, I need exposure to that kind of stuff. I was glad that a couple of times I got "no" to the second question so I can get some exposure to asking the third when it makes no sense. Chris is right: the most common response is to assume you didn't hear the "no" so they just repeat it. One time though these two girls I approached and did that to laughed and said something like, "that was some kind of test!". That's crucial. Emotionally healthy/outgoing people are amused by random encounters that make no sense. It's an aspect of life they enjoy. Only people who aren't where they want to be in life are "bothered" by the lack of logic. I have learned this about myself. Little nonsense like that only pisses me off when I'm not where I want to be in life, stuck in my head and logically analyzing everything to death (paralysis by analysis).
Didn't feel good yesterday, so I took the day off and basically wasted the whole day. Wish I didn't do that. Anyways, did Day 10 drills today. They were actually easier than Day 9. When I got to the mall I realized, "uh oh, this mall has a movie theater in it, I can't do the drills here". But I realized that's approach anxiety, so I just went in anyways. Everyone was very helpful and just told me there's a theater upstairs. A couple girls seemed somewhat weirded out by the "any good movies lately" question but others responded very warmly, making suggestions and such. Another good day. Planning on Day 11 drills tomorrow, though I may get tied up with holiday shit.
Don't worry, I'm still here! Took the weekend off for the holiday, I should have done some drills on Sunday but I was lazy and waited too long until everywhere was about to close.
Yesterday I jumped back in. Day 11. I was Mr. Nosy and asked about cell phones. This one was good for me, because I have that whole "I don't like bothering people" nice guy bullshit I need to unwire. For me, part of getting over that "nice guy" stuff is understanding how it's all backward. Who's more "douchey", the guy who dresses edgy, does what he wants, is upfront and doesn't have an agenda, or the guy who thinks because he follows a bunch of weird rules he made up and never talks to people, that makes him better than everyone else? Either way, there were no bad reactions, just good and neutral ones.
As usual, I got in there immediately for the first reps. When I finished the 5th set, I had enough social momentum I spontaneously did some extras: I immediately asked the next girl I saw for the time, then approached these two hot girls and asked all four questions, and they all came pretty "naturally", with little to no anxiety.
Might be going on a date with a Tinder girl on Thursday. Matches are coming in more slowly (~4-6 per day the last few days), I think my profile adjustments worked against me. Trying some new combos (will upload pictures I am using soon).
I messed up my schedule by getting up too late and wasn't able to do drills on Tuesday. Did day 12 drills on Wednesday. It felt weird at first to actually say, "I'm the sweetest guy ever" but after some of the reactions I got it didn't feel weird. It went quite smoothly and took me somewhere around 20-30 minutes. I have almost no anxiety during the interactions and only a little apprehension when approaching, that is basically gone once I've done a few reps.
Yesterday I was supposed to go on a date with a girl from Tinder but she thought I lost interest because I didn't keep texting her after I set it up haha, so we rescheduled for this weekend. She felt bad enough about it she called me to apologize.
Nice going, man - you've overtaken me. For some reason, I've been finding day 12 super hard. The days immediately before it went pretty well, so I'm not sure what's up. Just got to keep on trying, I suppose.
Hey Thikron, I'm reading your log and I'm glad to hear you got past it! I can definitely relate to feeling weird about qualifying myself. Some thought I've had lately about it is that, at least for me, it started to turn into a weird narcissism that's totally self-absorbed. Ultimately I was modest in a roundabout way to prove how awesome I actually am, which makes the whole exercise a hypocrisy. It helps me too to take myself less seriously. I am starting to internalize Chris' insistence to "Be That Douchebag".
I did Day 13 drills yesterday. They felt pretty similar to Day 12, so there was a little challenge but ultimately it was pretty easy. I actually preferred asking a question last instead of ending with a statement. I didn't get any good wine suggestions though haha. One thing I know is getting better is I am passing up fewer opportunities and making fewer excuses.
Day 14 later today... now this is gonna be interesting! It's quite a shift and I'm curious to see how it goes. It makes me a little nervous to think about being seen high-fiving girls (interestingly enough, the anxiety here is about everyone except the girls I approach), but as I've gotten used to thinking to myself over the last couple of weeks... who fucking cares?
Alrighty. I get a big, fat stinky F for Fail today! Went to the mall, paced around for about 30 minutes, finally went up to a girl to get a high five. The first one actually gave me one. The next girl looked at me weird then walked off. The next girl asked, “why” (I responded, "why not") and then walked off. The next girl gave me a high five. The last girl I tried it on was sitting down using her phone, and made a face like I was the biggest creep on the planet the turned away, haha. It took its toll on me, since this was the first time I got “negative” reactions, but there was a part of me thinking, “what’s the big deal, it’s just a high five”. Then I gave up and went home. I was there in total for a little over an hour.
For the first time I really felt significant approach anxiety, enough to actually get me to quit. It reminded me perfectly of the experiences I have had when going out to bars/clubs alone. I am fairly comfortable being out alone and I don’t hide in the corner, but I get that frozen-up feeling when I see a girl I want to talk to. Exact same feeling today. As I mentioned earlier, the anxiety is pretty much entirely about the surroundings. I don’t really care if a girl looks at me weird, but I apparently care if a bunch of other people (who I’ll never, ever see again) witness it.
This is gonna take something, because I have always had high sexual anxiety. I always feel weird touching girls, even when they are touching me, and that got me “friend-zoned” a couple of times. In high school right as I was starting to date my girlfriend from back then, she was literally sitting on my lap in my car for several minutes and I didn’t kiss her (it’s okay, I grew some balls and made out with her the next day). The touching part has always been an issue for me, and this is the beginning of chipping that away. This is crucial for me. I will repeat this day as many times as it takes until it’s as easy for me as the repeating Day 4 would be.
Here’s my game plan for now. Doing this at the mall triggered some additional worries that I will need to tackle gradually; basically involving the security guards seeing me and throwing me out or something. Definitely paranoid, but that got in the way of me doing these drills. Also, if I could make excuses for myself, the mall I went to was genuinely filled up mostly with teenagers and families. So tomorrow, bright and early in the morning (not so early I’m the only one out), I am going to head up to Santa Monica and run the drills at the pier or the outdoor shopping area nearby, which in my experience is pretty packed with people walking. It’s out in public, so there’s nowhere to get kicked out of. Also, I assume that at a place like the beach people are more loose and open to this kind of thing and I won’t get as many refusals.
But I am demoralized for having to leave the mall today. Once I successfully complete Day 14 somewhere, I am going to return to that mall to do it there. Once I can easily complete Day 14 at the mall I went to today, I will move onto Week 3.
Much needed update! Sorry to leave the community hanging, I’ve been lazy about posting updates.
I didn’t get up early enough on Sunday to go to Santa Monica (I’m having big issues with discipline, which I’m starting to address directly). Then in the afternoon I went on a date with a girl from Tinder, which wasn’t too awesome, I wasn’t really into the girl, and I ended up spending wayyy too much time with her (>4 hours).
On Monday I tried to execute the Day 14 drill at the Redondo Beach Pier, but I couldn’t get out there until about 8:00, and by that time there weren’t enough people around and I only high-fived one girl.
Took Tuesday off to meet up with another girl from Tinder, but she cancelled at the last minute and that put me in a bad mood so I just skipped the day. I need to not let myself use that as an excuse to skip a day again.
Yesterday, I went to the Venice Boardwalk in the afternoon, and there were tons of people walking around. It was perfect. So I nailed the Day 14 drill, with each “set” of high-fiving ten girls taking me about 15 minutes each. At the end I felt really good, not only because it was a personal victory for me to just do this drill, but I felt a strong sense of belonging in the big crowd of people, which is different from my usual feeling of alienation or wanting to escape.
So I’m finally done with Week 2! Do I have noticeably less anxiety than when I started? Absolutely, there’s no doubt. Today I might go meet up with a girl from Tinder, but if not I’m going to go back to Venice to do Day 15!
I haven’t updated my journal in two weeks, but I promise I haven’t quit haha. It’s just been a pretty crazy couple of weeks with work. My company just got bought so we’ve been scrambling. Also, my experience with online dating has actually been distracting me some from doing AA drills. I’m ready to jump back in with daily exposure and make sure I don’t use any excuses to take any days off. Like I said earlier, I should be able to do drills 6 days a week or more. I just need to improve my self-discipline.
So with online dating, two Sundays ago (July 19) I went on two different dates with girls from Tinder. Unlike the first one I went on, I was definitely into both of these girls and both dates went really well. The second girl I saw, I haven’t been able to see again, we’ve both flaked on each other (we’re both pretty busy, she works most nights). I don’t know if she’s still interested, but I’m gonna call her tonight and see if I can work something out with her.
The first girl I met with, I saw again this Tuesday. She lives an hour away and drove all the way out to see me after work, and didn’t leave until about 11:30. We grabbed dinner and watched a movie back at my place. I wanted to make out with her but I just didn’t make a move on her, I only kissed her on the cheek when she left. I am really, really pissed at myself for not escalating, and hopefully I didn’t ruin it, but she was really talkative right up to when she left so hopefully I’ll see her again. Problem is, I’m too into her. She’s very hot (8/10 on my scale, if not 9/10), and we have a lot in common and easily converse for hours. So I’m getting one-itis, and actually stopped using Tinder for the last week or so. All the usual stuff is happening, like freaking out if she doesn’t answer one of my texts, etc. So yesterday I jumped back on Tinder and I’m hitting the numbers hard again.
Now to update on the AA drills. At my last update I had just finished Day 14.
The next Thursday (July 16), I went back to Venice and did Day 15, which was pretty easy. First round of high-fives I did in about 5 minutes, second I did in about 6 minutes (only took longer because the crowd was thinner).
Was busy that Friday and Saturday, then went on the two dates on Sunday and also *finally* found a house in Hermosa Beach I’m moving into this weekend! Was busy Monday, then tried Day 16 on Tuesday at the Venice Boardwalk. Failed. Just couldn’t get my momentum going. Tried again on Thursday, failed again (same reason, just couldn’t get into it). On Saturday, I dedicated the whole day to getting Day 16 done. I tried a few places, like a book store and the mall, but there weren’t enough people. I went back to Venice and finally nailed it. Each set took about 30 minutes. By the end I was pretty much completely comfortable walking about up stationary girls and giving high fives, and I was very happy to be done with the high-five drills! I will probably repeat them in the near future. My favorite was when I walked up to two girls, asked one for a high-five, she looked away and weirded out so I started to walk away, then her friend put her hand out and I high-fived her and immediately pointed at her and said, “you’re awesome” then walked away.
This evening I’m doing Day 17. It will definitely feel weird but I should have less trouble making an idiot out of myself than touching girls, ironic as it is. Looking ahead, the next big challenge for me is going to be the bar drill (squeezing girls’ arms). I actually don’t have an issue with being out at bars alone, but I’ve never done something like that. It will be a fun challenge!
Even though I was busy these last weeks, I should not have taken so many days off. I need to address my poor discipline, and I have some ideas of how to do that. But I feel bad for taking time off and I’ll remember that next time. Beating AA is my #1 goal now, since I’ve successfully found a new house. Work should go back to normal, and I know now I can’t use online dating as an excuse to not do drills. I won’t stop the online dating but I’m going to be less obsessed about it because I’ve gotten now that if I’m serious about it I can get results from it. I haven’t slept with anyone yet, but I can pull hot girls to drive an hour to go on multiple dates with me, and I still think my pictures could be *much* better (especially social ones), so it’s already given me the mental boost I need to stick with the AA drills (i.e. reminding me I have lots of options and attractive girls are interested in me).
I am making my promise to the community, who has helped me massively with getting started on fixing my sex life (thanks so much by the way, guys), to update this journal every day. I owe it to you guys to keep you in the loop on my progress. Since the community has helped me so much, I want to give back, and I need to get to a point where I can effectively help people to do that. For now the least I can do is not rescind on my promise to do AA drills *every day* (and if I had a date planned it needs to be either go on the date *or*, if she flakes, do the next AA drill) and update the journal. In fact, I am probably going to start a VLog in the next week or so (once I settle into my new place). I want to beat AA in a timely manner so I can move onto my next #1 goal of building a kick-ass social life (a side effect of which is I’ll get good social pictures to push my online dating to the next level).
I will post an update tonight after I execute Day 16.
Alright, yesterday I made Day 17 my bitch. I slapped it around and told it, “who’s your daddy”.
The whole set took me about 25 minutes, mostly due to the thin crowd at the mall. The first girl I approached completely ignored me, so I didn’t count that one. For the rest, except for 1 or 2, all the girls thought me reciting the ABCs was hilarious. Once I got going I was running up to girls from behind to catch up with them, approaching stationary girls, everything. I felt great when I was done.
Today’s gonna have to be my day off this week, ‘cause my whole schedule is packed. Tomorrow I am moving but should be able to find some time to day Day 18 and possibly Day 19 too.
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