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Re-doing day 24. Had two one hour blocks available to work on drills. The first hour did 13 birthday approaches. Then business for a few hours. Twelve more approaches in the second hour. Plus 5 from the other day.
So 30 total, day 24 done.
Day 27, where's the beach, got one approach done in two hours walking Newbury St/BU campus. That sucks, but this is a good drill for me. I have a thing about making girls I don't know feel safe. These 105 pound humans that could be taken down by any guy in decent shape.
But it's too much of a concern, so this is great for me. I don't mind being intimidating wherever I go, but subconciously the touching the shoulder thing seems to cross a line.
Also didn't get in there today.
Plan for tomorrow is to mandatory have the first 2 approaches done in the 1st 10 minutes or less, set it up for finishing in a reasonable clip.
Not really posting right now for advice, but I'm going to go on a mini tirade/diatribe anyway. The purpose of this log is to keep me accountable and always moving forward. And to work things out in order to help me move forward. I'm here for pussy, simple.
I know we're all supposed to be very similar, your problems are all common, but regardless my AA is fucking weird. My look was always very good, but in the last year it's become great. I am almost always as good or better looking than any attractive girl I do drills on. I'm not just the best looking dude in the packed mall I was just in, I'm the best looking fucking person. I know it, and the girls do too. They have to stare at my dick when they're intimidated. And yet I find it hard to walk up to a shabbily dressed unattractive 35 year old woman and tap her on the fucking shoulder.
I've had my penis in 30 pussies, most of them attractive to very attractive (note 3 of them paid for), probably over 40 female mouths, and 7 female asses. And yet I find it hard to tap an unattractive, shabbily dressed 35 year old woman on the fucking shoulder.
I know I have AA, but I feel like such a hater. I feel like I don't want to give a fucking thing to any of these girls no matter how young and attractive. Like, I'm not doing it. I know I have AA, but my AA feels like pure rebellion. Like you're not getting it, I'm not giving it to you (to girls), I'm not reaching to you. My "game" in life has always been passive up until the kiss. Using my looks and serious aloofness to get pussy. It was limited so limited in its effectiveness. Passive. Make them come to me. Make them need me. That's all I ever knew (though I often had good killer instinct, it got me laid.), and this program makes me reach. It's fucking HARD for me. I'm so trained to be aloof, unattainable.
I skipped 27 temporarily to get momentum. Did, and completed day 28. Was relatively easy. Day 27 is next. I'm embarrassed as fuck flexing in that drill. I don't like to reach! But have to do it.
These drills.may be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I rebel and bitch to myself most of the time, but as I do more and more I become more and more effective. I become what I never was.
After numerous family fires, I finally am free from the family for the most part. They are dealt with and I'm focused again, I hope. Had forgotten how much family had the ability to fuck with my focus. Got day 27 done today despite my embarrassment with the beach flexing. Feel good about that. Next is day 29- already finished 28 nerd glasses.
Day 29, double super high five, I've got four done, and then another girl that put up one hand only, so 4. All five girls I fived fived me back, which I think means I'm being.way too choosy. It's hard for me to double five girls in front of other people. Took me several hours to get 4. Sure it's tough to find girls with two free hands, but I could be getting in there better. I can do better.
I'm also re-doing this one as my day 31 re-do of a tough drill. Will only help to get ten more done.
I'm doing day 30 bar squeezes next Friday night, due to schedule, so I'm now going to do day 31- which is again another round of day 29 double high fives, and then I'm going to start week 5, and hit up day thirty next week on Friday night to get the squeezes,
So as for day 31, I look at how I was before I started this program, I'd been laid plenty, I'd been with some very hot women, but I was so passive, boyfriend-y, no stranger to one-itus, always feeling inside like I wanted more abundance, more variety, Always feeling like I could do so much better in the area of pussy, and always wanting to do so much better. Always wanting to be a full-on player.
Now, I look at females entirely differently. They are completely different. Through this program my one-itusness is fucking gone. I see abundance. I feel like I can talk to girls I don't know so much better, it's intense- the difference. I still have AA, but it's like I have this powerful new awareness and confidence while I still have the remains of AA. I probably have a third as much AA now as when I started, something like that. I still get embarrassed doing drills with an audience around a lot of the time, but I'm completely comfortable out on the street, looking for girls to approach. I've grown.
I'm sure I'll grow immensely through weeks five and six. I don't get in there enough and with enough ferocity. I'm still sort of too laid back out there, sometimes I'm drifting, not executing. Especially lately with a few of these tough drills, 26, 27 and 29. I expect to get better at this in the coming weeks. I have a naturally aggressive, assertive side, want to exercise that side of me and get rid of the laid back shit. Then when I start really approaching again I can reincorporate the laid back stuff, as long as I'm still running the interaction.
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Kratom is next!
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