TOPIC: Dashedhopes' Approach Anxiety Log

So I've been taking the week off from the program just for school but next monday I'll be back at it daily. I've been slacking and haven't been as productive as I should have. I had an epiphany while reading GLL's new article and It just shook me that I keep reverting back to my comfortable life of watching tv, eating junk and doing school at sub-average grades. It's depressing. I need to get back on track for sure.

However, this post isn't quite about that despite it being really important. Today, my friend brought my attention to a girl who I did my drill on who posted on a group called UoGuelph Compliments. UoGuelph is my university (University of Guelph). It didn't show her username because she sent a message to the group and the group posts it. It said, "To Tristen who came up to me while walking past the library...It all happened so fast but you're cute too! Wish I'd gotten your #" She screwed up my name but I knew it was me because I did this drill a lot.

The question I have is do I need to worry about this? Should I worry that people are going to figure out that my comments aren't genuine?

I'm a bit paranoid that it's going to fuck up my rep in school. I should maybe start doing my drills in the next city over.

Day 42 and Day 43
So I did the last set of my drills from last week and got them done. I walked around for probably a little less than 45 minutes which is not what I like but I got like 15 girls done in a row like less than 20 minutes which I feel is more important than the wait time.

Eventually I'll get over the "First Approach" and be able to just go up whenever I want because that's the hardest part I find. I thought 7 last approaches from the last drill would be way too easy so I did 3 sets(9girls) of the next drill. I had a tiny bit of anxiety and let some girls past before I started the next one but it went away quick which I am glad of. Some girls were really weirded out but then some girls were really happy of my compliment, which undoubtedly made doing the drills easier because I get a confidence boost when girls are actually receptive to my approach.

Today was even good for me too because when I started doing my drills I was just getting out of the shower from being done at the gym and I forgot my moisturizer. So I knew my skin up close would have been disgusting since I am on accutane (It peels and looks gross when dry). Normally if I notice this I usually get a lot of anxiety that girls would be grossed out but I didn't give a fuck and I just wanted to get in there and finish them. I'll make sure next time I bring my cream haha cause it doesn't feel very nice to have chapped lips, dry face, and cracking hands nor does it look nice.

I can't wait to do these tomorrow. Until 3 days I think till I can start for real approaching girls!!!!! I am hela fucking excited.

Hey Tristan,

In response to your question "do I need to worry about this? Should I worry that people are going to figure out that my comments aren't genuine?"


If you are concerned about your reputation, go to another location. I would not worry about it. The objective is to beat your AA. If people ask you why you are doing this just say "I want to put a smile on people’s faces." The program will increase your social freedom where you just simply don't care about other people think. Keep in mind you will need thick skin and a short memory to play the numbers game.


You're almost done with the program. Finish strong!

Thanks a ton man, means a lot. I am not worried at all anymore. I was a little concerned at first but it didn't get much attention on the group that it was featured so It's ok.

I just need to stay consistent. I don't plan on quitting, ever. I'm gonna be cold approaching like a mad dog after this.

Whenever I say things like, " What about my reputation!" I just reply to myself by saying that if I didn't do this my rep might be fine but I will be a nobody still and I still won't get girls. It's all or nothing.

Cheers ~

Today was a good day, I went to the gym and hit some PR’s got a coffee and started doing my drills. I was pretty satisified with what I was lifting.
Anyway, today was, High five, you’re cute --> I’m [Name] --> Handshake

I was doing this intermittently throughout the past like 4-5 days. I would do like 3-5 drills per day. These ones I feel you get a rejected a lot more than the other ones because the reason behind this drill is to legit hit on the girl. The other ones were that we were looking for the time or directions. A lot of the girls are super awkward right away and don’t know what to say or do right from the get go if they aren’t already walking away.

It’s apparent that you are going to have to lead the conversation hard core and it’s not going to be smooth what so ever. Which is cool because in like 3-4 days I have to ask what they are up to today which is a huge next step to being able to actually hit on girls which Chris allows us to do after that day.

Next drill is going to be hard because it’s DIRECT eye contact and some other guys have complained that this one is difficult to do. Some girls most often just won’t give eye contact. I think I am going to do what another guy recommended which is literally just force eye contact and just sit next to them until they give me 3 seconds of eye contact or as long as I can get.

thanks for your support! its really helpful
i see u slowed down a bit too, but you are still fine
be always consistent now...we are so close

Hey man! I am still consistent but I am progressing slowly. The eye contact drill is really hard, I get separate anxiety from both maintaining eye contact and doing the approach. I was just focusing today on keeping eye contact for a full 3 seconds. I did this to over 30 girls. The next time I go out, I'll do the actual drill. I am going to just approach any girl that gives me eye contact just cause it'll take too long other wise.

Some girls at school really eye fuck the shit out of me. Sometimes they don't give a shit whether or not I notice them staring. Which if you think about it, is really rude. I am not complaining though hahaha, they can stare all they want at what they can't have

I've been trying really hard to just do some sort of anxiety training each day just so that I don't lose exposure and make it hard on me the next time I try to do the drills.

ALSO! I got my GLL T-shirt!

Ok so.. I was having difficulty with the eye contact drill and I'm not making excuses but I am taking time with it so that I can do it properly. I do this with most of my drills because I want to bang out 10 approaches in like 10 minutes without much anxiety before I move on so normally I need to get into momentum to do anything. I get into this phase by really thinking about the point of the drill and how I can make myself more comfortable doing it. I hate to skip drills. The only ones that I have skipped were the bar ones cause it sucks in my city. I'll do them but it's not integral right now.

Anyway, that is why I did what I did. I wasn't going to post this cause I felt super fucking embarrassed especially with the veterans on here dissing me just cause I am voicing my opinion and defending a cool guy. Fuck the drama and fuck some of these guys. They are no better than me. They had to start somewhere.. I am 19 and working my ass off day to day, that's all I can do. Posting anything other than my logs or constructive criticism to other AAer's is counterproductive.

The story... I was at the gym and frustrated cause I couldn't do my drills, not even 1 rep. I was just trying to get good eye contact and it was just as hard as doing regular drills. I went to the gym shortly after just saying fuck it. For some reason I felt the need to approach 1 girl, any girl. I did. I finished a set and I was already sweaty as fuck like normal. I didn't give a fuck. I approached this girl with her friend who was doing her set, "Hey I thought you were cute, and I wanted to come say Hi, I'm tristan [Handshake]. That was it.. she said her name and then she just sat down to do her next set. It was probably the worst an approach could ever go.. Like worse than I've imagined. It may as well had been a drill. I didn't have a plan or really care where it went but I had nothing to say after I was done.

At first I was a little embarrassed and thought I should leave but I didn't. I think that would have been the worst outcome if I left because I got that embarrassed but I was there to workout. I worked harder than ever and just kept going with her there.

In retrospect though, 4-5 months ago there would be 0, absolutely 0 chance I would have had the courage to do that. I've never seen a guy in the gym hit on a girl. I had the courage to do something that 99% of guys wouldn't be able to do. There is probably a billion things people could say but to not document or record this would be a shame. This is a sign of shear improvement. This wasn't a drill, this was me seeing a cute girl and approaching her. There was no plan or outcome dependancy. I wasn't able to facilitate a conversation but I am certain the next time, I will be able to do it.

In a month or two I am going to look back through these logs and realize that progress is real. People have asked if this program has helped and in my mind I couldn't really say yes even though I did. However now, I can say certainly that the program fucking helps.

I am so proud, despite fucking up so bad haha.

great job in that approach, you did great just to get in there and im glad u feel it.
I felt the same in my first approaches, i dont even care or notice how do they go, but the fact of being able to do them is a great result.
About eye contact, you didnt do eye contact in previous drills? i was fine with eye contact at this point because i always did it in the hi5 drills (not required ofc but it worked much better). If u dont feel confortable you are doing well to take your time with it

Thanks Gepetto. I am going through another tough drill that I can't get through. This eye contact one is fucking freaking the shit out of me. I need the motivation but I am just going to have to take it in he balls and just fucking do it. Hard drill

Good news though.. This Friday I am going to the Eaton Centre which is one of the biggest malls in Canada (Arguably the biggest with the most visitors) and I am going there for almost 12 hours. I am going to dedicate the whole day to doing drills and running cold approach. I'll obviously bring my laptop to do some reading and work in between a bit just because the day will be extremely exhausting.

I am meeting a guy from GLL there who is on this forum and is very experienced. I am hoping that he'll help me get these drills done faster and more efficiently.

This is good news because I know that I am not going to spend 10 hours walking around some massive mall.

...

Thanks a lot for the advice man. I think it's a bit more complicated than that for me. Some drills I am able to just get in there but it's something in my head that creates problems and solutions when I am doing the drills. I always find an issue with my environment that says, "I can't do this". I've had it before but when I get over it, I can usually do the drill fine. I had with the ABC drill, the Arnold Drill and the You're cute drill. I can do all of these really easily now but before I was walking around the mall for hours and still wouldn't do it. It was really frustrating.

I'll get it and once I get into momentum, I am going to be tearing through these drills. I am really sick of my anxiety that is holding my mind in chains. I'm close to being able to just approach girls but I still need practice for sure.