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Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 5 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 10
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 10 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 20
I only did 4x the five-second ones, did not have enough time.
The reactions were all ok so far.
Those were two girls talking with each others, and I just stayed in to see where this is going. When i told them what I was doing, it came off as a bit apologetic, from my tonality and "uhm..." "ahm..." etc. Do I still care too much?
There is no place I'd rather be and no one I'd rather see.
I got this gem from Dangerandplay.com in a podcast about developing charisma.
Since I adapted this mindset, my drills go that much better, because - even though I am at first a bit skeptical and aware of the possibility that she may not be that cool - I am very positive and only focus on this girl the very moment I am talking to her.
Being social as a cure against anxiety?
I feel rejection does not affect me much at all. Even when one girl in the audio said the counting was "weird", that did not really affect me. Half a year ago, I would have been mortally embarrassed by potentially coming off as a "weirdo" or "creep". Not anymore.
Why, then, do I still feel anxious from time to time? It can only be a "reflex" from decades of social conditioning.
So I started to talk to "normal" people around me as well, and that helps. Because if being outgoing and talking to people is "what I do", then approaching a girl is not a problem anymore either - or so I hope.
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 5 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 5
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 10 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 20
Darn, I just realized I needed to do the 5 second part 10 x - will finish that tomorrow.
1. Feeling anxiety
2. Reactions in the expected range
3. Eye contact
What went well? 1. Reactions in the expected range
2 - 3 girls were completely unavailable, 2 - 3 girls really liked it, the rest was in between.
I always walk up with a smile to get their attention and bring some positive energy - that's what I feel happiest with myself. Then it's really up to keeping her "locked" by...
2. Eye contact
... looking her into the eyes. Eye contact comes much easier to be now. That used to be really hard for me. Not anymore, even though I did not really specifically practise.
Does not sting at all. I just shrug it off and move on. I think Chris' recent night time video #2 where he gets very harshly rejected helped me put into perspective what I can expect. I had one girl smiling at me, and as soon as I introduced my name, she would immediately walk away. Now I know this can absolutely happen.
There was also a blog post where Chris explained how you creep out a lot of girls when you are aggressive, but you also get laid.
So when I thought about that, rejection (#3 above) was not a problem, even though some girls probably felt creeped out. Man, half a year ago I would have walked home in shame, let alone the THOUGHT of creeping girls out would have made me deeply insecure. Now I see it more as successful screening.
If a girl took her hand away before I was done counting, I'd tell her "you didn't make it till 5/10, wanna try again?" In 1 - 2 she agreed to start over. Most often she said "no", but then I just smiled at her and said goodbye. In the past, I would sometimes explain what I was doing - that worked as well, but I also got some useless comments because the girls would try to make sense out of what happened. I find telling her to do it over and leaving with a smile makes me feel much better.
What do I want to improve? 1. Feeling anxiety
I waited a MONTH after I started day #56. Why did it take me so long?
For whatever reason, I felt really anxious. So I got to a couple of attempts on several days in between, but paired with a packed schedule form work, I never actually finished. So today I started my day in the lab early, left early and gave myself from 5 pm to sundown to finish. And it did take me 3 hours. But I finished.
The days in between, I was scared. Why? Because I had gotten into my head and I had not taken this serious enough. I needed the time to finish the exercise - I did not realize that.
The second problem was that I was reading some articles where feminists talk about how complimenting them on the street is harassment etc. That made me a bit insecure.
How will I improve? 1.Feeling anxiety
No more reading blogs with women and white knights complaining how they are getting harassed and how we live in a "rape culture" etc. This is insane hate spewed by people who have a negative view on the world and mostly do nothing else than sitting behind their computer screen and complain. The only thing I can worry about is SCREENING. And with that mindset today, I was much more positive and the anxiety was gone. It's as mentioned on goodlookingloser.com and on
- if you are a strong masculine man and your looks, social freedom etc. are above average, you will always get girls. So I just have to keep working on that.
I will also take more time for the last week of the AA program. It's apparently what it is - this takes more time, so I am going to take the time.
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for as long as possible, Leave x 10
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for as long as possible (count out loud), Leave x 20
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 10 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 1
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 30 seconds (count out loud), Leave x 1
Repeat of missing part from day 56:
Hey, I’m [Name], Handshake, Hold for 5 seconds, count out loud, Leave x 5
I finished everything, including the challenges.
1. Either "in" or "out"
2. Counting out loud does not make a big difference
What went well?
1. Either "in" or "out"
I realized that half of the girls would either retract their hands after no more than 3 - 4 seconds, or were happy to hold my hand for longer than 10 seconds. I even managed to get two different women to hold my hand for 30 seconds. Screening in action, I think. The duration of the handhold was INDEPENDENT of their very initial reaction. So most of the women reacted friendly when I said "hello", but then ca. half of them would not let me go on. But had I talked to them and "made conversation", I would have probably run into several sets that would go nowhere. Women that were not available.
2. Counting out loud does not make a big difference.
The 10 silent repeats amounted to: 7-7-4-10-4-10-3-14-10-2 -> average 7.1 (seconds)
The 20 repeats with loud counting: 6-10-10-11-4-7-5-3-2-3-3-10-5-3-10-32-3-12-12-4 -> average 7.75 (seconds)
The more energy I show when I walk up; the stronger I go in, the better the response.
Do you use the same place for your drills? I'm at day 56 and can't get pass it. This drill is so creepy so I can't do it in a mall when there are lots of people around. And it takes me very long time to do the drill. So I keep repeating the drill for like 4 days now. I feel my anxiety is coming back. Or maybe I'm just tired of drills bearing no results. Week 8 is really where it gets hard.
I am always doing the drills at a little park on my way home from work.
Day 56 is hard, I agree. But these days are the ones that you learn most from.
If I find it hard to do the drill with people around, or with girls that are walking, in coffee shops etc., I dial it down a notch. For example, instead of walking girls, I approach girls that are standing, because that is much easier for me. After a few positive feedbacks, I get going for doing the more difficult sets.
So if you don't like the mall, try a park instead. Go to places that YOU like, so it's never a bad day overall. I personally find malls a bit depressing, so I don't approach in malls. But coffee shops are nicer - while still inside.
People hug each other in coffee shops all the time, so to strangers, you are just two people who know each other already.
Just try to get through the drill in more than one day if it is too hard at first. I think that's fine. Maybe, once you have completed it in four days, then you can try it in one go, otherwise move on to the next drill and do the drills you did not feel completely good on as one repeat after you finished the last day of the AA program.
For mindset, it always works better for me when I tell myself "I bring value and brighten the girls' day." Or you could say to yourself something like "I am a cool guy and girls love me. Not all of them, but some of them do. I'm going to find them."
Are you doing online dating as well? Having dates independent from the AA program will also help you get through the drills more easily.
But yeah, week #8 is hard. It's kind of a bonus week as I understood it, so you wanna finish it, but no pressure.
I am at day 58 now, I'll post more soon and then I hope maybe my struggle sand successes will help you too.
Shoot me a PM if you want further help/clarification.
Thanks Florian. When I read your log it's like reading a log for a social experiment. It's so methodological. And you mention you work in a lab so I guess you are a researcher or something like that . There is an anti-wisdom trend on this forum,that is, there is no use reading books or something like that. I can understand this because you can learn picking up girls by learning from others or by trial and error. And people who are really good at it are those who grow up in the street or one of those cool guys. I have digressed. Yes I think your advice is right- starting in places I feel comfortable and get the momentum going and then go for more difficult stuff. I did lots of drills in coffee shops but I find it not easy though because of the attention I get. One day I approached this girl in the coffee shop and she was rude and told me to go away. I said God bless you and then I felt like I am a beggar. It's a weird but funny feeling. But all in all its been a great journey for me. I laugh whenever I have this thought that I have made hundreds of girls blush.
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