TOPIC: I'm killing AA for good

Day 11

Milestone day.

Got my first date via Tinder - while spending hours upon hours in the past texting girls with mile long text threads to make sure they would be really really into me, when what happened in reality was that I probably got dates with girls that would be willing to suffer through these enormous "funny man banter" and still go out with me. Those were actually not many girls, surprise surprise. Never did I show my intentions up front. As a result, the conversation almost always fizzled out.
I now used Rooster's online dating examples and the GLL's guidelines to screening her for trying to get her out on a date asap...
Girl today was actually one of the hottest I have seen so far on tinder. Maybe that's why everything went so smoothly - she knows what's up. The text exchange was relatively brief and went something like this:

Me: "Tagged, you're hot"
Me: "Hit" (typo, ha ha... giving the whole interaction an innocent, yet slightly sexual note from the get go)
Her: (referring to one picture where I was with a dachshund puppy a few years ago) "Hi... is that your puppy? Dachshund?"
Me: "I wish... for a brief moment in time though, we were Team Awesome "
Me: "He helped me hit on girls." (now it's clear, if she answers, she is fine with it and possibly DTF)
Her: "Nice. Its a perfect pup."
Me: "Thanks. So what makes you different from all the other girls here?"
(I still felt as if the conversation could still only be some fun banter for her, so I wanted to make her work for me a bit more)
Her: "Hell if I know... I haven't chatted up any girls on tinder."
Her: "I'm probably the only [her name]" (she puts in some effort and comes up with a witty, slightly sexual reply and quite original solution. That warrants a reward - a date with me ;-)
Me: "That is actually true. Let's chill later this week. Something easy like - coffee. Let me know if you're down. My number is 555-555-5555"
Her: "Being this week is almost over... tuesday?"
Me: "Unfortunately busy during the day... I can do in the evening."
Her: "After work is good... or possibly this Sunday."
Her: "and your name?"
Me: "Florian"
Her: "Ah well you may be the only one as well"
Her: "Here's my number: 666-666-6666
(Great, that worked out well. I said "later this week", because if I said "weekend", she may feel she has to cancel plans for me. She initially suggests a weekday - honestly I could not make it that afternoon, so suggest a "no big deal" alternative, and then she comes back with sunday. She may have had that day free from the get go. If not, I would have been down with tuesday evening as well. I live in Jersey City, so a brief coffee date in Manhattan and THEN suggesting her to get to Hoboken, which is a cab drive away from my place, is probably the least painful alternative in terms of logistics.)

I called her asap, and we confirmed date and place, together with some callback humor about us being the "only ones" with our names on tinder. Simple yet effective. The phone call was brief, maybe not even 2 minutes. Makes no sense finding commonalities on the phone after 10 pm when we have already a date lined up and everything points to a green light.

The rest of the phone "game" was logistics. We'll meet sunday in Central Park, she'll confirm sunday morning via text.

How did I avoid making this into a big date thingy on the phone? I just told her that I wanted to explore New York a bit more by walking and we should meet up. I really want to explore some more walking routes in NYC. I even have a good web resource with walking tours. So this date is in any case a win for me. I am doing something that I wanted to do and she can tag along. No big deal, no big expectations.

What were the 20% that yielded 80% of results here?
1. Starting the conversation off with something funny and sexual.
2. Moving things forward towards a meet up.
3. Making VERY BRIEFLY sure she is for real and not just putting in some fluff text.
4. Immediately calling her with the goal of SETTING THE LOGISTICS.
5. Wanting to close the deal.

I imagine for Same-Night/Day Lays from cold approach I will have to have the logistics arranged and escalate physically, the 80/20 principles above then apply in a similar way - calibrated to each girl individually. Learning calibration is the reason why I have to hit on and approach as many girls as possible.

Ah... ok. Now to the drills. I will have them in the next post, to make it more easily readable.

Day 11

Drills

1. Time?
2. Time? Cell phone store nearby?
3. Time? Cell phone store nearby? What cell phone do you have?
4. Time? Cell phone store nearby? What cell phone do you have? Do you like it?

I did these drills 5 - 6 times.

For whatever reason, today I felt a bit apprehensive about the exercises. Maybe because I had to give a seminar at work and that occupied my mind a bit. Of course, then the first women also reacted a bit negative. You get the emotions back that you put in.

What went well?
1. Did the questions in the subway. Very proud of myself.
2. Tried the CEO frame - not easy to pull off, but I'll give it my all to do it.
3. Realized that I became too picky with choosing girls - so started to count down from 20 to 1, and that helped me get back and talk to the next girl that I saw.
4. I started the whole specific rep of questions over when I felt I could have done better/approached faster. What is good about that? That I try to hold myself accountable.

What can I improve?
1. Became a bit outcome dependent when I did not follow a girl that was walking away with her boyfriend cutting me off. Also in the café (see below)

How will I improve?
1. Next time someone tries to cut me off, I will walk around and still follow the girl, until she gives a hard "no". Not her boyfriend. HER. Btw... this is actually doing the bf a favor, because I pump his adrenaline up.

Additional observations
1. Got through all 5 sets (of 4 questions) in the morning. I find these exercises are also about exercising willpower! If on the evening of a day I find I could have done more approaches and yet not feel at least somewhat exhausted (hasn't happened yet), drill gets repeated next day.
2. One woman was really a red light from MY SIDE out... I was disgusted. I can't say why. Still remained friendly and asked for the time, but yes, if you approach 20 or more women during the day, you'll probably run into the full gamut of sympathies and chemistries.
3. After five sets of reps within 45 minutes, I went to a seminar at my workplace and for the first time in a long while, I was asking not only the speaker questions, but also emgaged people from the audience in a discussion. NICE!!! Maybe there the "CEO frame" finally came out. I did not hold back and even told my opinions on other scientist's comments
4. Went to a café with colleagues who were NOT into game and who I also found to be quite a bit judgmental... and failed to approach some hot girls - I did not want to talk to random women in front of them. Stupid. There is no downside to initiating conversation, not right now anyway, where I try to lose my outcome dependence. Sigh. I have to still learn to act and rely on myself rather than REact to other people's opinions. Next time.

Day 11

Wow, again? Yes. I thought I did the drills smoothly yesterday, then I read the blog to day 11 again and was reminded that this day is about practicing rapport. Did I do that yesterday? Really? Naa... I just went through the motions. Not enthusiastic enough - I did not feel interested when I asked what cell phone she had and whether she liked it.

So, today, doing the drills again, this time with a bit more conviction and actually imagining I really want to know if she likes her cell phone. So, once again:

1. Time?
2. Time? Cell phone place nearby?
3. Time? Cell phone place nearby? What cell phone do you have?
4. Time? Cell phone place nearby? What cell phone do you have? Do you like it?

I went through these sets five times on my way to work. I think performing them with ultimately something "better" to do (here: get to work) helps reduce the outcome dependence for me.

What went well?
1. Got into some good general rapport with one girl, she just kept on talking after I asked her what cell phone she had, and I was just enjoying the ride without cutting her off.
2. One girl was pretty hot, and she was very friendly. I think I could have picked her up, but I did not want to get distracted from the exercises.
3. My rapport was that much nicer than yesterday, because I was genuinely interested in the girls' opinion. Mentality along the lines of "Beautiful girl, are you cool? Let's see what you got."

What can I improve?
1. I want to adopt the "CEO frame" a bit more in my mind.

How will I improve?
1. To practise having the CEO frame in mind, I think I have to (a) be completely outcome independent, i.e. only focussing on the execution of the drill and (b) adopt the mindset of "let's see what she has" and make a mental note whether I want to reward a nice reaction from her with continuing the conversation or whether I want to bail out.
2. I also want to change the questions into statements at least in some of the girls I am talking to.

I decided to start a little statistical "analysis".

Groups today
Single girls: 13
Girls with bfs: 2
Small groups (2-3 girls): 3
Huge groups of girls and guys: 1
Mother with small kid: 1
Overall hot girls/ok girls/else after counting: 8/5/0 = 61% hot girls

other observations:
1. I passed a large group by... Went back and barged right into the middle of it and asked the prettiest girl the complete question (including whether she likes her phone). The group reacted very positive. Second time that that happens. It's like you come in with good mood and everyone chimes in. Kinda got my adrenaline rushing. It's like an all-or-nothing thing - do hit half-assed, and you get ignored/negative reaction. Do it full force, and all of a sudden it works nicely.
2. Sometimes, I don't stop walking girls properly - they are already a few steps ahead when I ask them for the time and then sometimes they just leave and I can't ask more questions. Gotta stop them with conviction! I ran after one such girl to ask her more questions, but in general... Tough to reopen when not done properly first.
3. I start ignoring girls that I don't find that pretty - which may be a mistake. In a bar, I will not have a good evening when I only talk to the hottest girls, because I want to amp my state up in general - have to open everyone for that.
4. Two girls did not want to give me the time. First thought piping into my head: probably lesbian.

FINISHED DRILL PROPERLY!!!

Day 12

I did "Day 12" at the end of the day when coming back from work. "Day 11" in the morning on the way to work, "Day 12" on the way back. I really did not want to do drills AGAIN the same day. Did it and am super glad that I overcame my laziness. It was less of a big deal than I made it out in my mind to be. I have to learn to go at it even when I don't feel like it.
The drills went relatively smoothly. I adopted the mindset that I really want to tell the girls about what sweet guy I am. I was getting into a romantic mood.

1. Time?
2. Time? Place that sells candles?
3. Time? Place that sells candles? I want to prepare a candle light dinner for my girlfriend.
4. Time? Place that sells candles? I want to prepare a candle light dinner for my girlfriend. I am the sweetest guy ever!

Statistics:

Groups today
Single girls: 9
Small groups (2-3 girls): 3
Couples: 2
Large group: 1
Mother-daughter: 1

Hot girls/normal looking girls: 14/2 = 87.5% hot girls. Maybe the darkness was merciful to the appearance of some of the girls, but there really were a lot of good looking girls out there.

What went well?
1. Drills went relatively smooth.
2. One girl even interrupted her phone call with her Mom (!) to give me advice.
3. Happy moment: saw two hot girls go into a store and wanted to go after them, then my knees literally buckled and my body moved past the store. Worried that it'd be awkward. I stopped and went back into the store after them and asked them. Never give up!
4. I am getting more efficient when talking to girls. I open girls that walk close by me almost immediately without thinking.

What can I improve?
1. This time, the large group ventured past without me being able to ask only for the time. And I did not barge right in, so I stood I the sideline. But at least they slowed down their walk. Body language can't be that bad.

How will I improve?
1. Go into situations you don't feel secure about with great focus and summon as much determination as you can. I find that 5 seconds of intense focus are enough to get the ball running. e.g. it took me 5 seconds to go into the store and walk up to the two girls that I had let walk by at first (see above). 5 seconds of focus, 5 seconds of regret of missing a chance, 5 seconds to actually enjoy a reward at the end of the day (the moment you fall happily onto your bed, for example - only a couple of seconds are we conscious about what happens, then we switch our life back to autopilot.

Miscellaneous thoughts/observations
1. Big group sets may look scary, but they are really good imo. (a) Once you grab your balls and go in as strong as you can, the group kind of takes care of itself. Light a spark, and the whole group gives back good mood, dozen times amplified. (b) Once you win over the group in that way, you have it easier with the girl you dig, because you gain a little bit of social status with her friends. But you have to go in with conviction, otherwise the group just sort of ignores you and moves on - see above.
2. I am super happy to live in the NYC area - so many gorgeous girls in an enormous density. I can practise nearly every group scenario under the sun and get used to talking to girls all the time. That's really invaluable.
3. as predicted in Chris' introduction audios for today, most girls were happy for me when I told them about the candlelight dinner.

Day 13

Important points today:
1. People are helpful.
2. Is it ok to approach a girls talking to a street vendor as long as I am respectful about it?
3. I am getting quicker in approaching girls, while feeling calm and relaxed.

Drills:
1. Time?
2. Time? Wine store nearby?
3. Time? Wine store nearby? I got a promotion at work and want to celebrate.
4. Time? Wine store nearby? I got a promotion at work and want to celebrate. What type do you recommend?

Repeats: 5x

Girls that were real hot/good looking/normal looking/not hot at all: 4/15/1/2

Single girls: 15
Couples: 2
Small groups (2-3 girls): 2
Large group: 1
Mother-daughter: 1
Mother with baby: 1

What went well?
1. I am getting faster with talking to girls. When I counted, I realized I did not even remember all the girls I had talked to. Except for the hot ones, the rest was a blur.
2. I felt super relaxed, talking to girls about wine. Groups, couples, single girls: no difference.
3. I went into a large group with two Empire State ticket vendors, asked the girls and held my frame while the vendors were trying to grab it back. I did not want to destroy their transaction, so after a few seconds I gave in to the vendors and said goodbye. But I wanted to practise in harder social situations.
4. I let one woman go after two out of four questions because she was in a hurry. No need to "hold my frame" here.

What can I improve?
1. I am still outcome-dependent from time to time.
2. Sometimes the dude in the group will take over the conversation, cutting me off from the girl. I am still directing my question to the girl, but sometimes she just does not answer.
3. I may talk a bit too fast.
4. Sometimes I stop the girls too weakly and they slowly drift away.

How will I improve?
1. (a) Focus before each set of reps/meditate for a few seconds and recall that the outcome does not matter (b) Repeat the whole set when you wussed out of an approach.
2. For now, try: (a) hold the frame and only talk to the girl - the guy may not interfere at all. (b) When he interferes, keep talking to her and ignore him. (c) If she does not say anything and completely lets him talk to me instead, do some small talk with him to "befriend" himi and then again talk to the girl. That's for practise. For a true approach in a bar where I try to get laid, it may make sense to just ask the guy upfront and respectfully if she is his girlfriend. If yes, I leave. If no, I can go ahead, but the guy is probably friendly - which makes it easier with the girl.
3. Do some voice and tonality exercises. 10 min per day.
4. Girls that move away... Probably just don't worry about them, but keep better care of your posture. 10 min posture exercises each day.

Others
1. Thinking about the drills made me feel exhausted today.
2. One girl approached ME as I was standing and typing on my phone. Was with bf and asked for directions.
3. One mother told me her daughter knows, because "she's a wino". Haha! Mothers can be cool with you talking to her daughter.
4. Two girls were German. Withstood the temptation to get into a longer conversation, stuck to the routine and did it in German.
5. I realize now how much better this AA program works than "talking to a 1000 girls". If I talk, I still try to pick them up. Thus, there is always an element of outcome-dependence, simply because my mind does not know how outcome-independence truly looks and feels. Thus, I may not ever get completely rid of AA the "conventional" way. However, the AA program so far makes it very easy to focus on the drills themselves, with no thoughts about the outcome of my interaction.

Day 14
This was definitely not as easy as I thought it would be - but smooth waters don’t make good sailors.

Today's drills were "high-fiving" 2 x 10 girls.

I finished the first round in ca. 20 minutes - trying to high five 30 girls in Jersey City, then the second round I did in New York City… there, I needed roughly 20 minutes again, while going through forty girls in total.

For me, this was tough for two reasons:
1. While talking was no problem during the past days, becoming physical was making me significantly more anxious.
2. Not all girls reacted like fun, some where looking at me angrily, and that ate a bit on my confidence. It really challenged me to stay outcome-independent.

I will repeat this exercise tomorrow and the next days until I only focus on doing the high-five and not the outcome.

Actually, this exercise reflects real life for me.
I can win over girls and make them laugh, but I rarely touch and thus rarely execute. I may be a poster target audience for GoodLookingLoser, ha ha.

Girls (only the ones that high-fived me back)
Hot/good/normal/bad: 4/8/8/0

Single: 16
2-3 girls: 3
Couple: 1

What went well?
1. Went back to high-five some girls that I had initially wussed out on. For example, two girls, both with bfs, behind a barrier at the station. Reached over and high-fived both.
2. Adjusted my body language during the exercise - first 4-5 women were looking very skeptical. Thus, started to smile more, be enthusiastic and say a loud "hey" at the beginning.
3. Was not put down by an unreaction. Have to say, felt like standing with my dick in my hand when they refused to high-five, but plowed through that.
4. Even after I got a bad reaction from a girl (meaning: disgusted face even one time), I breathed in and out and then went up to the next one.

What can I improve?
1. I sometimes sounded as if I was asking permission: “Hey! High-Five?” while holding my hands up. My mind went: ‘I hope she high-fives me back.’ So the girls could decide “yes” or “no” in their mind.
2. Wussed out on some approaches and thus lost momentum... Girls with shopping bags in both hands, woman who's family was walking towards her... Girl directly after I high-fived another.
3. Sometimes, I would try to high-five girls that were out with their boyfriends… or I would try to high-five girls under a scaffold, which made the whole area a bit small and narrow. Maybe I seemed a bit threatening there?

How will I improve?
1. Make a statement instead of a question: “Hey, high-five.”
2. Count down to 20 to approach the next girl
3. Only approach under the open sky for now.

others
I have also started a Vlog now - that way, I can maybe give some insight into my posture, style and tonality, which is hard to do on paper.

Just got this thought - maybe there is indeed NOT that much to learn from the bad reactions. Maybe I just start to experience what a SCREENING mindset is all about, and I will get used to it over time.

Something else I just realized - approaching girls and becoming physical is something in us, something primal. So when I start tapping into it, I have nothing to be ashamed of or shy about, just because mainstream does not condone it.

Day 14 (Repeat)

Not much to say today. I repeated the drills from yesterday, and they went better.

Successful/unsuccessful high-five: 10/5 (first round); 10/8 (second round).

I needed 20 min for the first round, 15 min for the second round. It's winter in New York City (still), and not many people are around.

Most of the girls were single, there was one group of girls - they all giggled, and one of them high-fived me.

Doesn't matter though how successful the "high-fives" were - what matters is that I felt much more confident doing them. Not bad at all.

I also realized that the girls that did not high-five me often gave some excuses: "sorry, my hands are full". Several of the girls actually tried even though they had no hands free.

I'll repeat once more tomorrow, and if I don't feel worse after that day, I'll move on with week #3.

Day 14 (Repeat)

Went even better today.

Successsful/unsuccessful high-five: 10/3 (first round), 10/3 (second round)

Both rounds in 7 minutes. It's cold outside, and that means even in New York not many people are out. I really tried to walk up to any girl the moment I saw her, but finding the girls was a challenge.

Second round was in the evening, and it seems to even go better than in the morning. Many girls smiled, one explained why she absolutely could not high-five me, because her jewish religion forbids her touching men. In other words, if I was a girl, she'd high-five me, but since I am a man, I have to settle for a smile instead. That's right, she smiled. As did others.

The "high-five" apparently brings good mood to others, not only myself. That and girls in the evening may be more receptive to high-five than in the morning.

What do I want to improve?
Still one point I don't like about my execution of this drill - I let the first two girls pass by.

How will I improve?
Have to have my first goal to high-five the first girl I see upon leaving my house, until approaching immediately" becomes automatic.

I will still move on to day 15, if I can't get the first approach out of the way, I'll get back to this day.

Day 15

Points of the day
1. High-fiving girls is no big deal.
2. What seemed to be toughest three days ago - I actually learnt the most from it.
3. Ripple effect
4. I am wondering: do the high-fives have to be "mutual", or does walking up, holding up my hand and saying "hey, high-five" already count?

Today's task
Do 10 high-fives 50% faster than on day 14, then do another set of 10 high-fives even faster still.

Yesterday's time: 7 minutes.

1. Successful/unsuccessful high-fives: 10/1
    Time: ca. 7 min
    done in the morning, 33rd street between Herald Square PATH station and 5th avenue

2. Successful/unsuccessful high-fives: 10/4
    Time: 4.5 min
    done in the evening, 14th street around Union Square

I really tried to hustle in the 2nd set - in this cold, there are just not many people outside.

Have to do it again tomorrow. As long as it takes to get it down to 3.5 min and further down

I have now high-fived 80 girls since four days ago. I remember some of the good reactions... girls that high-fived me back tended to be happy, 1 girl today even disappointed that I would continue walking. Most of the girls are a blur to me. I really don't need to care about the bad reactions.

What went well?
1. Over the last four days, I was already trying to become faster, high-fiving girls that were standing still, even getting girls to high-five me that were smoking a cigarette... so I was actually doing day 14 - 16 all in once. Completely understandable that I was not always feeling very comfortable. I can actually be proud of myself for doing it.
2. High-fiving girls is no big deal.
  No nervosity today - at least in the morning, I was doing the approaches as if it was a foregone conclusion that the girl would high-five me back. Bingo - almost all of the high-fives were answered with a smile. That goes for the ones in the evening as well - had I slowed down my walk a bit, more girls would have high-fived me back.
3. Drills seemed tough at first, and then I learnt a shit ton from doing them.
For example: approaching during darkness is as easy, if not easier, than in the morning when the sun is out. Changing my mindset to "no big deal" was the most successful shift in my Inner Game. I lose my fear over time and am actually starting to relax. All things I experienced while the exercises appeared 'tough' for me.
4. Ripple effect.
Do something that scares you/makes you uneasy and after a while you have a much more positive outlook
For example, I was like: "Snow again? No way, this sucks" in the morning. By the end of round #1, I loved the snow and knew that even the heaviest snow did not need to affect my mood.

What do I want to improve?
1. I am not having enough fun. I am doing the drills with a mindset focussed on improvement and thus do not relax enough.

How will I improve?
1. (a) Reframe: the drills are only for myself. The only task is doing them. I am getting faster, so I don’t need to worry about progress. Any day where I don’t get down on yourself or feel I am worse off than the day before is an improvement. Relax. Doing the drills is fine. (b) If at any point I don’t feel comfortable with a drill, that’s just a sign that my body takes a lot of effort to learn. Leave him. Repeat the drill. If I still get worse on the repeat, I will go back one day and repeat THAT drill, until I find the drill that my comfort level increases after doing. I probably just misread my body and mind - I wasn’t as ready as I thought I would be. (c) Discomfort is nothing bad, it gives me the opportunity to specifically hone on the task that makes me uncomfortable. It’s an opportunity to improve.

Good job man, I really like how you style your field reports so analytically and full of insight. You have inspired me to write mine when I start with the same thoroughness. You're gonna make it brah.

Thanks Ubermensch, for the kind words.

I actually started my diaries much more simple and later became more specific... if I had to chose between writing a detailed report and getting one more set in, I'd always chose the set. Always take action.

Good luck, man, looking forward to hearing your story!

Day 15 (Repeat)

Funny day today. I don't think there is much to analyze. I high-fived girls but failed to get 10 successful high-fives done in 3.5 minutes. I simply run out of women in the cold New York air.

But I'll keep on trying. Tomorrow is friday, a few circles around Meatpacking district should do the trick.

Funny thing: the first girl was standing next to a diner outside, smoking. I went up, high-fived her, she complied and then toppled over her salad and drink she held in her other hand. She just sat down and told me it's ok. Gave her $10 to replace the salad. Guess I'm a nice guy after all... felt pretty bad, tbh - but if she did not get mad at me after THAT, I have no reason to feel down in any way about high-fives not working out.

It's all good. We're all playing the same game.

I did a "last ditch" effort to beat the 3.5 min at the bus terminal back home. There was a crowd of people waiting for their ride. I did not feel like walking up in front of that huge group of strangers, but did it anyway. After the first woman who I tried to high-five, I realized there was no halfway good looking woman there, rest was all dudes. Really. So I called it a day.

Not ok. I missed a chance to bring emotions to a whole group of disillusioned, frustrated late night commuters. Oh well. Tomorrow next try.