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CoolGuy wrote: If you are in a bad mood it makes everything worse, you are correct.
I have some advice.
The thing about bad mood is that it will happen. Many guys will tell you to try and make mood better, which fine, makes sense. But ... consider that what separates successful people from non-successful people, is that successful people stick to the program, EVEN IF IT SUCKS.
I mean, think about it. Do you think businessmen feel good everyday ? No, but they march on regardless.
One of the most important skills isn't to feel good, it's to succeed despite feeling like shit.
When I was starting out I was often feeling like crap but I approached girls just because I had to. One of my player friends advised against mechanically approaching girls. He said "you must exude positive energy and make every approach interesting" or something of the kind.
Over time he has been proven wrong on this, based on my personal experience. The dude did get laid, but doesn't have the success rate I have. I realized that approaching girls in a mechanical fashion, with an almost robotic voice, when you have no energy isn't that bad of a strategy for building up confidence.
One thing I want you to understand is, right now you are not doing it to get laid, you are doing it for yourself so you will manage to get laid later. The goal isn't to actually get laid right now, it is to reduce anxiety. You will have plenty of time for getting laid later.
Right now the goal is to harden yourself. And the only way to harden yourself is to do approaches WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT !
The approaches did reluctantly and were not that positive, have, in the long run, helped me the most. They built immunity to shitty mood.
So my advice is this. Don't try to make every approach special. Do it mechanically, do it even if you feel like shit.
Re-frame your goal from "wanting to feel good" and "getting laid RIGHT NOW" to "I am building immunity to shitty mood so I will be able to approach even when I feel like shit".
Don't try to not feel like shit. Feel like shit and approach regardless, do it as mechanically as possible, if necessary. Complete your quota at all costs.
Afterwards, expect to feel shitty, but tell yourself "I am proud for doing the task" and reward yourself with a chocolate or something every time you succeed.
Your goal now is to strengthen yourself, so just accomplish your goal at all costs, even if you feel like shit and the approaches are meh. Once you're done, you might still feel shit. Know that this ok. Just keep doing it, trust me, you will build resistance, and at one point it will get better.
Think of approaching right now like being a soldier in the battlefield. You have a task to complete. You run out of the trenches, you run past bullets, you shit your pants, but you get the job done. Afterwards you smoke a cigar in the trenches and whisky.
Visualize that. Again, you are a soldier, your goal is to complete the task AT ALL COSTS, even if you feel like shit. IT IS OK TO FEEL LIKE SHIT. You have the permission to do so. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PERMISSION TO FAIL.
Once you complete a task, reward yourself as you see fit. If you know it's ok to feel like shit and that you must do the task at all costs, then retreat stops being an option. Over time it will get better.
But for know the task is not : to feel good, to be fun, to have good interactions. The task is to complete the goal and get out ASAP.
Reach your goal at all costs, even if you feel like shit. Trust me it will get better over time.
Visualize being a soldier in the battlefield with a mission he must complete at all costs. That's what helps me. And once you finish the task, don't focus on feeling good, focus on FEELING PROUD for completing the task.
Good luck. You can push through, I feel it.
I really enjoyed this reply and I have to say I agree. Even though I've put approaches on hold for now until I get my mindset sorted out in other walks of life, it goes in line with what I've experienced and learned about myself thus far, at least in terms of I know what happens when you do the opposite.
You see, I took the route of trying to force my mood to be better for the longest time. I pretended to feel good and energetic even when I didn't. Not only did it give me an enormous sense of performance anxiety, it lead me to using, then abusing and ultimately getting addicted to mind-altering substances. Not that it will happen to everyone because I'm an addict and have always been one, but for a guy with my kind of mind it's really all I can do to just accept whatever I feel at any given moment - even if I just feel like a depressed piece of shit. I just handle my responsibilities regardless of my emotional state, and in this case your responsibility is simply completing the approaches wihtout worrying about the consequences.
OP you said you ain't gonna do it again walking around feeling like shit. But that, I'm sure, is an unrealistic expectation to not feel like that again. There will be worse disappointments ahead to be sure. But the way you react to those feels will change. It will become easier every time. And eventually, it will bother you so little that you'll actually start to feel great.
In conclusion, I think denying yourself the right to approach when you feel shit is the same kind of thinking as denying yourself the right to approach because you don't look good etc. It's really mindfucked if you think about it.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Yesterday was a big stab for me. I found myself diminishing my self-respect to the lowest level. Also, during my fourth "round" to the city centre......and passing from the same spot again I caught a dork darting shitty looks at me and I'm pretty sure that the second minger i approached I saw her again another two times (energy guys, energy. HUGE THING ! When you are on a negative energy, everything that you approach and everything that comes to your way is a piece of shit. It's amazing).....!! I don't want to look like a weirdo in a shitty city of 150K population.....
I managed to approach two girls, then i started having those feelings, i decided to immediately stop for today.
I failed to stick to my daily goal again, but, i don't want to lament over my misfortunes so much today. It's another day. We are men, we are always looking ahead. It's just the 4th day, I will accept for another one day of a bit underachievement. But I know that this challenge is something already HUGE for me. I can't beleive that i even do this to be honest.
What i know for sure, is that I will have finished my challenge in 30 days by having approaching 150 girls !
Tomorrow I'm going to make to first changes to the way I run this challenge.
That was a good day for me and I made some changes !
Today I was going to make my first changes to the way I run this challenge. Found a spot in the city centre where girls walk by, camped out there and waited for girls to pass by. No more ludicrous wandering around the city. I am finished with that ! I I felt a bit weirdo standing there like a stool but I was WAY FAR CALMER than all the previous days.
This the way I will run the challenge from now on.
I stood there about 1 hr and a half, maybe a little less, approached 7 average, below-average girls.
The problem is: I still find myself to throw the "Hey, can I have your number?" line in a nice-guy, meek way and it pisses me off. To be honest, most of the time I don't say "Hey", I say "Excuse me." .....and it pisses me off even worse because it reeks the disgusting parasitic unmasculine nice -guy mentality and I've been giving battle to fix this thing I hope that after a while to have this kind of approach to come off 100% naturally and masculine.
Nice to see that you're keeping it up! Don't beat ya self up too bad for not sounding the way you like when running the approaches/drills. After all, it's the same as a beginning guitarist beating himself up for not sounding like a rock star immediately. Try and embrace being Mr. Awkward or Mr. Meek or whatever for now. Once you lose the feeling of shame/self-disappointment, you'll automatically start to gravitate towards the goals in your wildest dreams. Keep at it!
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Got out today around the midday. I tried to stick for the first time to my daily goal of approaching 5 girls. Stood to my spot about one hour, approached 3 girls then get bored. During my way back to home, made two robotic approaches to two girls at bus station in a quite meek way, got another two insta "No". Not in my best mood.
For the first time I managed to stick to my daily goal.
I will post only the number of approaches. If I got any number I will mention it. To be honest i don't think that I will get a single number till the end of the challenge.
Today was Sunday, shops closed, freeze weather out there, quite dead the city.
I got out on purpose to take a takeaway coffee and if i would see a girl try to make an approach. Took my coffee, on my way back to home, saw an HB4 walking on the pavement, try to stop her, she passed by, did't stop. She was wearing sunglasses and headphones, I don't know if she igonred me or didn't see me....lol. Anyway I take it as a failed attempt.
I am minus 7 approaches from the week's target (35 approaches). I intent to replenish the "casualties" during the last two weeks.
First day of the second week. I made a huge amount of mistakes during the first week and I constantly take lessons.
The primary goal of the first week was to see myself to be able to move my body, put it in front of a girl and utter 5 words. I think that in one way or another, with all this shyness and nervousness, I can do this, at least as far as it concerns below-average girls.
My goal of the second week is DISCIPLINE, DISCIPLINE, DISCIPLINE. So I will not try to cover the minus 7 approaches this week. I want to stick at all costs to my daily target. Go out, talk to 5 girls, come back, for 5 consecutive days (except for Saturday when I will try to make 10 approaches as I see that Sunday will be my day-off during this challenge). I will stick to my standard "Hey, can I have your number?" line. Bad weather today, it has been raining since the early morning, difficult day, I went to my spot, stopped 5 girls (one was an HB6,5). I still have a nice-guy, "make her become comfortable with me" bullshit attitude.
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