TOPIC: Getting physical during first dates?

I've got a coffee date tomorrow morning with a really cute girl.

However, getting physical with a girl is a big sticking point for me. In fact, dates in general aren't something I'm entirely comfortable with. A lot of the advice is just "touch her shoulder when making a point". The problem is, this is really uncomfortable for me. I just don't know how to do it.

Any last minute advice on how to approach this date? How to get physical without it coming off as incredibly awkward?

Touch her whether you feel comfortable doing it or not. Eventually it's going to be natural and normal for you. Consider it paying your dues, you gotta put yourself in that uncomfortable position.

I know you're looking for advice on HOW to be touching her, but if you're a little bit less experienced and uncomfortable reading body language, I'd advise you not to do so at all.

Don't force yourself to touch some chick over a coffee date, when you're both sober and stimulated by caffeine.

Unless you're experienced and good at reading and smoothly responding to body language, touching a chick on a first time coffee date is almost certainly not going to go well for you.

Just get to know her, keep it light, and let her talk a lot about herself. A follow up date under different conditions will allow you to engage physically a little bit more naturally (grabbing drinks, watching a movie at your place, etc.)

EDIT - and to clarify, I write this because of all the guys I read about on here creeping girls out, etc. Body language is a skill you learn through repeated social interactions, and I don't know where your personal experience level falls in this regard. There are plenty of times where I don't touch a girl AT ALL until I've got her in my bedroom. It is plenty possible to build sexual tension without necessarily groping her at a cafe.

Tyson Wolf wrote: I know you're looking for advice on HOW to be touching her, but if you're a little bit less experienced and uncomfortable reading body language, I'd advise you not to do so at all.

Don't force yourself to touch some chick over a coffee date, when you're both sober and stimulated by caffeine.

Unless you're experienced and good at reading and smoothly responding to body language, touching a chick on a first time coffee date is almost certainly not going to go well for you.

Just get to know her, keep it light, and let her talk a lot about herself. A follow up date under different conditions will allow you to engage physically a little bit more naturally (grabbing drinks, watching a movie at your place, etc.)

EDIT - and to clarify, I write this because of all the guys I read about on here creeping girls out, etc. Body language is a skill you learn through repeated social interactions, and I don't know where your personal experience level falls in this regard. There are plenty of times where I don't touch a girl AT ALL until I've got her in my bedroom. It is plenty possible to build sexual tension without necessarily groping her at a cafe.

Thanks.

Yeah I think that's probably best. I think I just read a lot about the importance of touching in order to avoid ending up in the 'friend zone' on the very first date. There seems to be a lot of importance on kissing at the end of the date as well, which i'm still not sure is entirely important or not.

I am quite experienced. But most that experience has been from meeting girls at bars. Coffee dates which I've been arranging through Tinder are quite new to me.

If you say you're experienced with body language, I'll take your word for it and you should know whether or not you can do so a little bit during the date without coming across as a weirdo.

With that said, as far as being friendzoned goes, your likelihood of being friendzoned is significantly decreased by the fact that you met on Tinder. She's clearly not looking for a friend, and if she's agreed to a date with you she should be, at the very least, interested in you. All you've got to do is keep her interested in you as a potential fuck buddy or romantic partner, by being interesting and flirty. Don't bore her.

Give her her first, non-sexual, date, and set a followup plan for a second date where you can grab some drinks, show her a good time and escalate physically in a less forced scenerio.

Tyson Wolf wrote: If you say you're experienced with body language, I'll take your word for it and you should know whether or not you can do so a little bit during the date without coming across as a weirdo.

With that said, as far as being friendzoned goes, your likelihood of being friendzoned is significantly decreased by the fact that you met on Tinder. She's clearly not looking for a friend, and if she's agreed to a date with you she should be, at the very least, interested in you. All you've got to do is keep her interested in you as a potential fuck buddy or romantic partner, by being interesting and flirty. Don't bore her.

Give her her first, non-sexual, date, and set a followup plan for a second date where you can grab some drinks, show her a good time and escalate physically in a less forced scenerio.

Well I actually met this girl through Facebook (long story). I've told her I thought she was cute, so she knows this is a 'date', and not just two friends getting coffee.

Thing is, I can come off as a bit boring. This has happened to me on two dates I've had over the past week. A third date I went on ended up really well (have a movie night with the girl on Tuesday), but I think that was partly because we went for a drink after coffee.

I'm also a bit worried by the fact that this may be one of the hottest girls I've ever met up with before.

Most of my experience, as I said, comes from meeting girls at bars/parties where there is alcohol involved and socially acceptable touching and grinding.

Everything Tyson said is legit, take his advice.

If you're worried about keeping her interested, I'd suggest asking many open-ended questions about her own life.

People love talking about themselves; every person is their own favorite topic.

Ask her a bunch of open-ended questions about herself. Her past, her future, her hobbies, etc. If a girl talks about herself throughout most of the date, chances are (in her mind) it will have gone great.

My social strategy is typically to say very little about myself, but intentionally steer the conversation (by asking her questions) around topics where I know I can interject (occasionally) with a mind-blowing story from my life that makes her see me as more interesting. Because I've traveled a lot, this is somewhat easy for me, but I'm sure you've done plenty worth talking about when appropriate.

I don't have time to read all the responses atm but I'll tell you what changed my results BIG TIME right now and it specifically has to do with physicality on first dates.

1) I never do coffee dates during the day time
2) I always keep the date in the evening or night time when I know they won't have somewhere to be later
3) I always keep the date within a 5 minute drive MAX of my house (ideally less than that)
4) I always try to set up a date for "grabbing a drink" because it simply implies sex as opposed to coffee imo and girls are light weights so they could literally be tipsy after a drink or two and be less uptight
5) Show up to the date, make small talk for half an hour while sipping a drink and being touchy feely, leave the bar/pub/wherever the fuck you are and hold her hand and start walking back to your car (or your place if you don't drive) and keep making small talk the entire time without a lapse in the conversation. Do not stop talking once or else you will make an awkward moment where her logical brain will kick in and start realizing what she's doing and she could start getting freaked out if you aren't making her feel comfortable by continuing small talk. The key in all of this is to make the whole thing seem completely natural without lapsing in the conversation at all. You continue to joke and chat just as you would sitting and having coffee, except you're simply walking/driving her to your place now holding her hand.
6) keep making small talk while you arrive to your place and simply open the door and walk inside while continuing conversation as if nothing is different than when you were sitting in the bar at a public place minutes ago. Mix her another drink and turn on the tv while continuing conversation
7) Watch whatever you want and then escalate physically and more sexually
8.) Makeout with her and stick your finger in her asap
9) engage in intercourse
10) Write about it on GLL with a smile on your face

That is my blueprint that has gotten me laid on the first date more times than I remember, all within 45 minutes of meeting the girl for the first time (if from online), or after cold approaching them for like a minute a few days before that.

My lay count exploded after I started doing this.

As far as what to do when being "physical" in the bar or wherever your date is simply putting your hand on her knee, and then moving up her thigh a bit, as well as holding her hand are all moves I would do consistently and are very good for gauging how sexually available she is. Typically girls who aren't sexually available will pull away when you do these things, or seem uncomfortable. If she makes no hesitation about those moves at all, she's probably sexually available (in my experience). I find going to a bar or pub during a weekday at night when they are dead are the best times and the most conducive environments to making this work, as for whatever reason, if you are in a place where alcohol is served somehow it's more socially acceptable to be touchy feely vs. in a public coffee shop. This is why I'd always go to bars or pubs for dates if possible.

Hope that helps.

.

+1 to everything dc7 said

that is EXACTLY how i got my last lay/2 blowjobs from cold approach. ive gotten the last 3 girls in a row to my place on the first date using exactly that blueprint.

the last girl i said "Lets go for a walk" and took her to my car. she hesitated at my car so i quickly pulled her in and kissed her. she ask where we were going and i just said "my place for a bit" and opened the door for her. i put on some music super fast for the ride to my place

dc7 wrote: I don't have time to read all the responses atm but I'll tell you what changed my results BIG TIME right now and it specifically has to do with physicality on first dates.

1) I never do coffee dates during the day time
2) I always keep the date in the evening or night time when I know they won't have somewhere to be later
3) I always keep the date within a 5 minute drive MAX of my house (ideally less than that)
4) I always try to set up a date for "grabbing a drink" because it simply implies sex as opposed to coffee imo and girls are light weights so they could literally be tipsy after a drink or two and be less uptight
5) Show up to the date, make small talk for half an hour while sipping a drink and being touchy feely, leave the bar/pub/wherever the fuck you are and hold her hand and start walking back to your car (or your place if you don't drive) and keep making small talk the entire time without a lapse in the conversation. Do not stop talking once or else you will make an awkward moment where her logical brain will kick in and start realizing what she's doing and she could start getting freaked out if you aren't making her feel comfortable by continuing small talk. The key in all of this is to make the whole thing seem completely natural without lapsing in the conversation at all. You continue to joke and chat just as you would sitting and having coffee, except you're simply walking/driving her to your place now holding her hand.
6) keep making small talk while you arrive to your place and simply open the door and walk inside while continuing conversation as if nothing is different than when you were sitting in the bar at a public place minutes ago. Mix her another drink and turn on the tv while continuing conversation
7) Watch whatever you want and then escalate physically and more sexually
8.) Makeout with her and stick your finger in her asap
9) engage in intercourse
10) Write about it on GLL with a smile on your face

That is my blueprint that has gotten me laid on the first date more times than I remember, all within 45 minutes of meeting the girl for the first time (if from online), or after cold approaching them for like a minute a few days before that.

My lay count exploded after I started doing this.

As far as what to do when being "physical" in the bar or wherever your date is simply putting your hand on her knee, and then moving up her thigh a bit, as well as holding her hand are all moves I would do consistently and are very good for gauging how sexually available she is. Typically girls who aren't sexually available will pull away when you do these things, or seem uncomfortable. If she makes no hesitation about those moves at all, she's probably sexually available (in my experience). I find going to a bar or pub during a weekday at night when they are dead are the best times and the most conducive environments to making this work, as for whatever reason, if you are in a place where alcohol is served somehow it's more socially acceptable to be touchy feely vs. in a public coffee shop. This is why I'd always go to bars or pubs for dates if possible.

Hope that helps.

This is so solid. But what do you say when its time to leave the bar? And how do you avoid getting into a convo about going back to your place at that point?