TOPIC: 2017✔ 2018✔ Simple 2019 goals

7th day of NoFap. Going strong. No strong urge to masturbate or watch porn, great.

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Yesterday I went to sleep at 8PM.

The night before I only slept 3 hours. Had to, to finish something that I was holding out on for too long. Still felt energized.

Today, I woke up and felt AMAZING.

I have never felt so refreshed in years. This is what it feels like to actually sleep fully. Damn. I spent probably up to 2 hours being in a semi-sleep state, but in the end it payed off. I felt so energized. Came to work on time finally.

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Today I broke my rule and stood late. The reason is I went outside for a long walk instead of doing my stuff so I stayed later to do some stuff, that was a mistake.

I had nothing urgent and the walk was well deserved. In the big picture it makes sense to have 2 days after coming back abroad to recover. And now I fall back into my old habits.

I realized my issue. I have a psychological trap. I feel the need to do something daily. And ironically, I did, I bought headphones, but I felt that's not enough. I was wrong, nothing I did tonight was worth sacrificing my sleep for.

I have a mental trap, a panic that if I don't do everything today the world will end, cause tomorrow I will have even more to do. It's basically a reverse procrastination. A desire to do everything here and now.

Everything is going great. But I have an insane obsession of pushing things further, be even more productive. It ends up hurting me cause I sacrifice sleep to do things that are not THAT important and can wait.

I need to teach myself to be chill and give myself days where I do little. In most people that's procrastination and it's bad, but in my case, the inability to postpone doing tasks is killing me. I am addicted to the feeling of "having done something". I need to get over it.

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Also wanted to mention that I fixed an illness I was not aware of recently with antibiotics, now I am not sure whether it had anything to do with my energy levels, but it could have. Many people with cancer feel very tired, but they never suspect it's cancer, they just think they are lazy.

I wanted to say, check your health. If you feel tired all the time, make sure it's not a health issue, don't just assume you are lazy. You might have an infection or your hormones might be out of whack.

Anyway, lesson learned. I am slowly adjusting. Things are getting better everyday, I need to stop panicking and just keep going calmly.

Despite sleeping only 2 hours last night I still felt refreshed.

I keep telling myself not to do it, but I just can't help it. I spent 2 hours chilling, well deserved, but instead of going to sleep I kept with tasks. For example I watched youtube videos about microphones and decided on one. It could have waited, but no, I had to do it.

I realized my issue. Because the 2 hours of chilling were spontaneous I felt guilty, cause I felt like I slacked. If I planned them in advance I would have felt like they are part of the plan. I should put in relaxation time in my schedule in advance. The issue, sometimes it can come in random bursts right there and there. Sure, sometimes you must ignore it, but sometimes you just need to savor the moment.

Not sure how I will fix it, but things are going good. I should just keep going, things are going better every day.

Some news.

Today I took food to me at work finally. I used to buy it all the time. It was easy and I will definitely do it more often. It saves me lots of cash and is just a good idea.

I slept only 3 hours tonight but felt ok. I am getting used to functioning even after little sleep, which is great, but I shouldn't abuse.

I have been using some porn (it is like a cycle for me) but I am doing fine with it. Not abusing it. It always goes in a circle for me : no porn -> some porn -> too much porn -> no porn . I could be NoFap-ing as I did successfuly in the past, but it takes power of will I am not willing to expend as I would rather focus it elsewhere.

I have also been slowly knocking stuff out of my to-do list, which is great ! Finally. And I have achieved many other goals I had

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Just relax and keep going

Wanted to say that I realized a pattern.

I am obsessed with doing a lot at once. So that I feel good. But the issue sometimes you do a little progress everyday and that doesn't make me feel that good. And that's an issue cause it is causing me to panic, feeling I don't do enough even when I do. Causing me to go through a cycle of do too much -> do nothing next days cause you are too tired.

Just relax. And keep pushing everyday. You might not feel it every day. I certainly don't. But I learnt to weather this storm. I slowly finished most my goals and haven't even felt like I was doing them.

When a boat moves slowly you don't feel it, but it moves.

Same with PE. I used to do jelqs everyday and not think about it instead of worrying here. Same goes for others task. Don't panic at a sight of a boulder, just chip away from it every day a little bit.

Sure it doesn't feel as good as cutting it in half, but slow and steady wins the race.

It applies to everything, from personal projects to saving money. By definition these are long term goals which you won't feel the progress of everyday.

Just relax and keep pushing. Be chill, you'll get there, as long as you follow your plan and work daily.

Hey, I watched this video just before I read your post.



The guy presenting says that the reason we feel inadequate from not getting results as fast as we want is simply because we expect instant gratification, and why people give up so easily. It's cool to see you reflecting on your experiences and coming to the same conclusion.

It's a good video.

However, there are some subtleties between me and the millenials the guy addressed.

I have a bit of an atypical personality so I have specific issues with their own twists. Figuring those out is important for fixing them as what might work for others might make my situation worse.

My issue isn't even so much that I expect instant gratification as much as the fact that I push more than I should.

Here's an analogy :

assuming you are not on steroids, you could

1) do a normal workout for 45 minutes
2) do an insane world class bodybuilder workout for 2 hours

The second makes you feel more tired and you feel like you did more. But in actuality you lack the calories and the hormones the guys who do those workouts use so you end up hurting yourself instead, while feeling like you are doing a lot.

In my case, I have the desire to finish more in 1 day than I should. I have a list of tasks. For example, recent tasks include :

1) transfer photos on PC and send to a guy
2) wipe monitor screen
3) delete some old files on the laptop
4) write to 2 people
5) edit some photos
6) pay phone bill
7) contact company x and ask about something
fix my micro-oven
9) order an orthopillow
10) decide on new headphones to buy
11) pay a fine at a station
12) clean my clothes
13) wash the floor
14) update GLL
15) do a hair treatment
16) setup my new equipment

None of these are too difficult on their own, but as you can see they pile up. So I panic. And what I do is that instead of solving 1 or 2 in a day and leaving the rest for tomorrow I try to be superman and solve 3-5 things in one evening.

This is accomplished by sacrificing sleep, leaving me tired the next day and ironically killing my productivity.

I am like the dudes who overdo their exercises at the gym, actually harming themselves. They feel tired and think they did better, but ironically, without proper recovery they only hurt themselves.

The last 2 weeks instead of doing everything at once, I did 1 thing in the evening, 2 at most. This has allowed my list of tasks to get shorter and shorter. Yet, I didn't even feel it.

When I do 5 things in one day I feel tired and accomplished. When I do only 1 I don't.

Yet ironically, when I do 5 things in 1 day I then fuck up my sleep and need 2 days to recover later and can't do anything productive after work. When I do 2 things a day and go to sleep on time I end up doing more.

And funnily enough, I was productive, without feeling it because the list of to-do things did not shorten over night, it got shorter by a little bit everyday.

That's my specific issue. The desire to feel productive and thus overworking myself and thus hurting myself.

When I do a lot in 1 day I feel productive, but I am not. When I do 1 or 2 things I am productive and I don't even notice it.

The fact that my to-do list doesn't get significantly shorter overnight makes me panic. Plus I don't get the good feel I get when I do 5 things at once.

What I learned is to control my panic, let it go and just solve things slowly, day by day. Ironically, after 2 weeks almost everything is done and I dind't even notice how I went through my to-do list.

The point being, if you have a lot to do, don't enter panic mode and try to do everything in one day. Just relax, trust yourself and do things 1 at a time.

This is not an issue for everyone, but it's definitely for me and it's insidious cause it makes me do things that make me feel good and productive when it's the opposite, and while I am being legitimately productive I am not feeling so. So I am learning to chill, and just accept the lack of the rush I get when I do many things at once and instead chill and trust everything will be alright if I do only 1 thing a day and leave the rest for tomorrow.

Today I made same mistake again.

I slept 4 hours again. Managed to function. Still felt kind of crap, almost falling asleep a few times. Still was very productive at work

At least I managed to set something up yesterday which was major pain, so good on that.

It's the issue I mentioned. I have a feeling the sky is falling and I must do it NOW.

It could have waited, but I wanted to be done with it.

I am trying to live my life too fast. Trying to do everytihng as fast as possible.

It's important to learn to take it easy sometimes and just relax. My life is not running away from me, I have enough time and I will get everything even if I do a little everyday.

This is definitely some issue with the fear that I am running out of time, even though I have plenty. It's weird.

I recently reflected on my productivity.

The things is, as I mentioned, my productivity is fine.

For example, today I enjoyed myself a bit in the morning. Then I bought a screwdriver and fixed 2 devices I had. Then I went out with Witness, then came back and swiped the floor.

So in all, I did very well. But I don't feel that way. And that's an issue.

You see. The thing is, things are not progressing as fast as they should for me to feel like "wow, this is progress". I was used to that cause I was 100% into cold approaching and did a lot every day. But now, it's different. Now, for example I have a goal of visiting some cool spots in the city I am in. I can only do that once a week. I went to almost all the places but I can only do it once a week. So because I have to wait a whole week + sometimes I am very tired and want to do something I else I don't feel satisfied. The goal is stretched over months and I have to wait a whole week. And if on a specific week I am too tired and want to do something else I feel bad.

I am not used to having to deal with goals that only allow me a small window of opportunity (doing it once a week or having to wait for the next one). If I missed a day, I could approach the next. But now if on a weekend I don't go visit some spot I need to wait another week which makes me feel like I am procastinating.

Same with other goals, the goals are stretched, and even though I am doing progress, it's not the daily progress I am used to. Things move slowly and because I am used to doing something every day I feel anxious now that things are so slow. But I checked and I almost did everything I planned to do.

So while I feel underachieving I actually did everything I planned (almost). Just because it took 2 months I didn't feel it.

I remembered Chris' advice about it. Don't trust yourself, put it on paper and have it be measurable or else you will always feel like it's not going anywhere.

So this is what I will do. I will stop worrying like a lunatic, instead I will simply follow the list. If things get done, I am happy. So I write my current goals for now. I will update on success with each and so I will just be happy because I will feel like I specifically meant to do it, instead of doing it on a whim and feeling like my success was an accident. I will now be recording and measuring my success instead of trusting subjective feelings.

So, I completed almost all goals I set in the last month. But for now, what's left is :

- finish all minor tasks I set up to complete (3-5 left to do)
- visit all major locations I wanted to visit (1-2 left)
- do some basic work on my new equipment, just to try it.

Once I do each one of the above I will go from there. Will keep you updated.

Today I visted a location.

I was debating myself over doing it. But I decided I have to.

I had to stay 2 hours in a line. It was the biggest line I have seen in my life. I crossed a football stadium sized place 4 times with that line.

It was worth it though. The place was amazing.

It took a lot of determination but I am really proud I did this. It was an awesome day !

One thing off my bucket list. Nice.

It's good that I am finally writing more regularly in the goals log.

I do stuff everyday but fail to give myself credit and get nervous.

Today I washed my clothes and I have tested my new equipment a bit.

Not exceptional. But it's good. Small progress like this everyday and I will get far.

November 2018

Ok, so this month I took my own advice and did things slowly, step by step and tried to avoid needless anxiety and it worked. I gave myself time and chilled. Hit a perfect balance of work / relaxation

This month I visited all the major spots I wanted to visit and am left with 3 small tasks to finish, Very, very good.

I also managed to relax quite well. The downside is that the number of approaches I did is pretty much null at the moment, but that was planned for, so it's ok.

So

visit all the major spots I wanted to visit -> check
finish most small tasks -> check
relax more -> check

Great, great, great.

This month was not perfect but as Chris put it, above average. More than satisfying. I should keep it up. Some of the tasks took a bit of a strain on me. I am proud I defeated my laziness and did it. Having to stay 2 hours in a line sometimes early morning in the weekend takes a bit of willpower, and I am glad I used it.

8 / 10

A much needed bounce after the slump I had

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Not planning to go turbo mode yet

The thing about having a productivity of 8 / 10 is that it doesn't need that much effort. Just a little bit daily and not fucking up.

Getting a 9 / 10 requires much more active involvement and takes more energy. A 10 / 10 requires almost perfect coordination and extreme effort.

For now, I don't have yet that much energy in me nor do I have the desire to over-strain myself yet. Now is a better time to recover after the year long approach fest that I did and transition to a different lifestyle (dayjob)

I will try hitting an 8 / 10 for the nearest future. It should be enough for now

I will try to be more productive once things are settled fully and I get better at cooking, my sleep schedule, fixing small things and so one.

I have a talent in that I know when it's time to hit the pedal to the metal and when it's time to chill a bit and recomp. Now is the time for recomp and it's going well. I will know when it's time to go full speed ahead, but for now I am taking things a bit more chill.

Time to reorient

So I have multiple competing goals around me right now. But I can't do everything. I will do to do some thinking and decide on a direction in life to follow in the nearest future. Which area to focus on. I will write more about that later.

Shopping list

For now I just wanted to write a list of stuff I want to buy so that I can plan around my salary. Right now, my wishlist includes :

- a vape mod, filter and filter coils (100$)
- an orthopedic pillow (40$)
- grinder (30$)
- Nikon D7000 (300 - 400 $)
- Nikon camera lens (200 $)

This is it for the foreseeable future. I decided to buy the vape, pillow and grinder first

Next month I will try to buy the camera, the month afterwards the camera lens.

Let's see how it goes.

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Just ordered the mod and filters.

Remaining list :

- orthopedic pillow
- grinder
- camera + camera lens

I am planning an aggressive savings strategy for this month. Let's see how it goes.

About savings

I gave up on buying the grinder. Will focus on everything else. So the next thing on my list will be the camera, but damn is it hard to get enough for that. Everyone is calling me to go out and I try to do it at least a bit to not turn into a social outcast. 20$ there, 20 there and boom, nothing left in the end.

I still need to do my best to get the camera. It is important.

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Did nothing last week

Last week I purposefully did nothing extra after work and went to bed early to recover sleep. And it worked. I am much more refreshed now. Now I need to get back to business.

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Sometimes you forget your achievements

I was feeling bad cause I felt I did nothing after my pussy crusade. But then I remember how I visited all the spots I wanted and realized I am actually doing really good.

We can forget our achievements. It's good to keep perspective

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Need to focus on health

My cardio is very bad. I need to do something. Same for sleeping and eating patterns. My friends noticed I am looking way too skinny and asking me if I eat. I also feel I am losing mass. I will need to take care of this

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Multiple possible goals

I have multiple possible goals, some of which will take a lot of commitment. I will need to decide on a plan of action and decide which to tackle first.

Either way, I need to :

- start eating better and doing sports
- do some personal side project
- save money for camera
- get good photos at some point
- start making savings

They are not too conflicting, but some of my personal side projects are very time demanding. And considering how little time I have in the evening and how tired I am, I am really thinking how I will handle it. Especially since there are different side projects and I might need to focus on one and abandon others. But, we'll see.

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New way of life

I got used to going to work everyday and my work is fine so I'm good. But I am not used to doing things in the evening after work or really cooking well and stuff, so I will need to learn how to be productive after work. It is quite a challenge for me now.

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Not used to goals that are longer-term

I am used to doing things like PE or approaching girls, things you do everyday. Saving money or doing a side project is a thing that you don't sort of do "every day", it takes weeks and feedback is not instantaneous. I will need to get used to these types of goals too. If I killed it with PE and girls, I can kill with this too.

Also, got to be careful with weed, it does make me lazy. Since kratom is legal where I am I might give it a try.

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In summary

Goals wise I am doing ok. Got laid recently. Recovered sleep. Feeling slightly unproductive. Need to chill with weed, makes me lazy. Need to focus on recovering health. Goals are conflicting, need to decide on future plan of action.