How Getting Laid Should Fit Into Your 20's
(Prioritize Women So You Never Have to Again)
While working on our recently published series "How to Go Out to Bars Alone (If You Are Scared)", I stumbled upon a topic that required its own discussion altogether.
In fact, it's probably long overdue.
I take immense pride and responsibility in the privilege being able to help shape your 20's.
I'm more lucky to have you guys than you are to have me.
I actually believe that.
How Getting Laid Should Fit Into Your 20's
Still, I readily admit that not everything on Good Looking Loser is right for everyone.
I simply take what I did (and didn't do) and learned in my 20's and offer you suggestions to get ahead (or at the very least - avoid major fuck-ups).
But hopefully, it will take you half the time or less if I can provide direction and solutions.
A lot of the advice comes from hindsight.
I didn't really start to get my shit together until I was about age 26 and it was quite a long journey from there.
These days, I'm happier than I've ever been, have 3 financially successful online businesses and have a hot, wonderful and extremely loyal girlfriend that cheers me on.
100% of it is due to the direction I took in my 20's, particularly my late 20's when things finally started coming together.
Let me discuss how I think your 20's should play out and where 'Getting Laid' (women) should fit in.
The Ultimate Goal for "This Pickup Stuff"?
Just like anything else in life, it helps to have a longer-term ideally quantitative goal and vision for where you want to end up. It is no different with this "Get Laid" stuff.
My goal, after coming back to planet earth from the seduction community, was to BE ABLE TO and KNOW that I could Get Laid.
Per my definition -
I am able to (and know I can) go out 2 or 3 nights a week and Get Laid at least 1 time.
I describe the goal in detail in "How to Know If You Are Successful With Women (The One Goal that You Need to Have)".
I'm not trying to force that threshold on you, but I will remind you that is it critically important to your future emotional health and if your ultimate goal is to be in an emotionally healthy committed relationship with a sexy, high-quality girl who has limitless options.
She needs to know that you have more options and that you are in the relationship because you WANT TO BE and not because you have to be.
Guys that can Get Laid - have secure, rewarding relationships and don't get pushed around by their girlfriends.
Guys that can't - generally don't.
You should be sexually active in your 20's so that you can "get it out of your system" and focus on more important priorities later.
You don't want to be trying to build a business or survive graduate school/life if you are lonely and sexually frustrated.
Is Picking Up Girls a Lifestyle?
From the beginning, I encouraged guys to integrate picking up women into their life, rather than have it be the entire lifestyle.
That is the ultimate goal.
It's true - I'm very much against the draining repetitive 'last resort' lifestyle of going out for huge blocks of time specifically to hit on women or do "sets".
Yet, that seems in direct opposition to our "Nothing in Moderation" principle that revolves around having ONE GOAL that you dedicate as many hours as possible to.
Some people, and rightly so, have pointed out this contradiction.
Let me clear it up -
I don't believe that "picking up girls" should be a long-term lifestyle.
I do feel, however, for guys in their 20's, it is both healthy and rewarding to dedicate a couple of years to first beating your anxiety (~6 months) and then Getting Laid (12-18+ months).
Have fun with it until it gets old and your priorities change.
After that, you can just hit on a handful of top-tier girls a week.
Once you gain experience, increase your sex appeal and know you can Get Laid - you'll be able to hook up with girls WAY MORE efficiently and won't have put in half as many hours.
But for the first year or so, don't worry about being efficient.
Just beat your anxiety and try to fuck the most girls you can.
Also, it goes without saying but -
The earlier in your 20's, the better.
Prioritizing Getting Laid/Women?
(IT'S JUST A STAGE)
Every so often (actually more often than that), a guy will leave a comment on the YouTube channel or the blog that goes something like -
You GLL guys are pathetic.
There is more to life than sleeping with women.
You guys need to get a life and a job.
This guy Chris lives a totally meaningless, unhappy, unfulfilling life based around having sex with women.
Don't take his advice unless you want to end up as a broke loser who ends up lonely and chasing teenage girls in your 40's.
When I first started seeing these comments back in 2012, I thought to myself -
What a bunch of undersexed haters...
But when I kept seeing these type of comments, I realized something different.
(giving them the benefit of the doubt that actually believe this; the same people often say prioritizing making money or the gym is wrong too)
Some people actually think that I do (and I recommend doing) absolutely nothing with your life other than trying to fuck girls.
That is furthest thing from what I recommend (or have done with my own life).
While I think dedicating a couple of years to beating your social anxiety and Getting Laid as much as you can, this type of "player lifestyle" is simply a STAGE - something that you will enjoy very much but ultimately move away from.
For some people, this stage is called "college" or "your 20's", but some of us weren't so fortunate.
While some college guys legitimately prioritize their social life to make friends and meet people, the vast majority of guys are simply looking to Get Laid and fuck as many chicks as they can as part of their ongoing education.
Whether for validation purposes or because sleeping with hot girls is one of the most fun, rewarding and memorable experiences that you can possibly have -
MOST SINGLE GUYS IN THEIR 20'S JUST WANT TO GET LAID.
Especially lesser experienced guys.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
You should have absolutely no reservations or guilt about wanting to Get Laid if you haven't yet had the sex life that you picture. At any age.
Life is just a collection of stages if you are doing it correctly.
These were mine -
- Late 1995 to 2000 (and again in 2004) - Hockey and inline hockey
(won a championship at the national level 2004)
-- 2000 to 2006 - Gym and fitness
(a fun/aesthetically beneficial stage that I pushed to the extreme for too long)
--- 2006 to early 2011 - Getting Laid and partying
(one of the reasons I left Law School, I absolutely could not prioritize or juggle a serious academic stage)
---- 2012 to now - Good Looking Loser and business
You will do plenty of different things if you are living a rewarding life.
Nothing is a lifetime commitment and the correct stage to be in is the one you want to be in.
You shouldn't have to try talk yourself into/out of any of these stages.
You already know what you should be doing at every stage of your life.
Trust your instincts.
ABSOLUTELY ALL IN - NO MATTER WHAT
I can't emphasize this enough.
No matter what stage you are in, you need to be ALL IN physically, psychologically and emotionally and not hold onto any contrasting mindsets and behaviors from previous or future stages.
I discuss how this relates to Getting Laid in "How to Go Out Alone at Night (If You Are Scared) - Final Answers & Thoughts"
While my early 20's left a lot to be desired, I was always ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with whatever stage I was in.
I couldn't help myself, I was quite insecure at first but very hopeful that hard work would win out.
I always wanted it bad.
Although I took some criticism from others who didn't understand my approach -
Chris, I thought you were a hockey player, why are you obsessed with lifting weights and looking good?
Chris, I thought you were a bodybuilder, why are you obsessed with Getting Laid and partying?
Chris, I thought you were a "player", why you are you obsessed with building a business?
This was the correct way to live and I've had quite a diverse and rewarding life.
At least I think so.
Life is a collection of stages.
If you are going to succeed, you absolutely need to be ALL IN or it's time to find something else more rewarding to do.
What To Do?
(Financial vs. Social Goals)
The vast majority of guys already know what stage they are in (or what stage they want to be in). There is no confusion or room for debate.
Still, there's quite a few that are torn between prioritizing financial or social (Getting Laid) goals in their 20's.
I don't have a one-size-fits-all answer on this.
I can only speak from experience.
In my mid 20's, while it certainly would have been nice to have a bunch of businesses that produced multiple passive income streams, it just wasn't practical at the time.
It wasn't practical, not because I couldn't have built these income streams (although Good Looking Loser would be a terrible website with generic 'meet women' information if I didn't solely focus on Getting Laid for 4+ years), but because all I could constantly think about is how I should be Getting Laid a lot more than I did.
Although you shouldn't let "what you should be doing" influence you too much, I knew that it was 'NOW OR NEVER' and I only had a couple of years left in my 20's before I had bigger responsibilities and bigger bills to pay.
I was so sure of my decision that I left Law School (and scholarship) and never looked back.
(technically, I took a 'medical leave of absence' so I had the option of going back the following year, but I never even considered that - I mentally checked out from academia)
It was the correct decision.
Although it seems like a monumental crossroad in my life, it was one of the easiest decisions I ever made.
Fast forward 5 or 6 years, I literally no longer think about Getting Laid or where my life is headed. I can dedicate nearly all my time to my financial goals.
For me, prioritizing my sex life in my 20's was the correct decision. After all, had I not, there would be no Good Looking Loser community and I'd be a third-rate pill popping lawyer or an uninspiring, disinterested personal trainer who sold growth hormone.
That's not to say it's the right decision for you though.
But as I mentioned several times, if I hadn't prioritized Getting Laid over potential financial goals for a couple years, my entire life would be COMPLETELY different.
Besides, in my opinion, once you find financial success, you won't have the time to then shift all your attention to Getting Laid.
That's why rich guys get high-class hookers.
It's a more efficient use of their time, even if they are good with women.
You guys are still young (I don't care if you are 25+, you are still a baby) and have multiple, super valuable resources influencing your opinions and direction.
There's a blatant (or unspoken) "don't base your life around women, there are more important things in life" mantra that you'll come across on every credible self-improvement community.
I couldn't agree more.
You need to focus on YOU.
Prioritizing women or anyone other than yourself in the long-term is a recipe for regret.
That's why, in the short-term, if you want to get your sex life 'handled', I feel it's a good decision to prioritize beating social anxiety and Getting Laid so you can live on your own terms.
Once you can Get Laid and realize you have limitless options, you'll never prioritize women or anyone other than yourself. The 'Sense of Entitlement' will benefit all areas of your life.
You have got to put in the effort though.
I stand 100% behind and whole-heartedly encourage you to beat your social anxiety and sleep with a lot of women over a 1.5 to 3 year period if Getting Laid is important to you.
After that, you'll be more efficient and won't have to put in the time or effort to get some action when you want it.
It's a totally amazing and worthwhile stage that won't (and shouldn't) take up too many years.
Think about it this way...
Have you ever heard anyone say -
Damn, I wish I didn't fuck so many girls in my early 20's.
Dude, I really wish I got laid less when I was younger.
Aside from someone that contracted an STD from irresponsible sex -
You won't regret putting in a couple of years to have fun and have a hot sex life.
If nothing else, you'll 'get it out of your system' and be able to move on to more important things.
And By the way -
Have fun with it, that's what you are trying to do in the first place.
It will be one of the most truly exciting and memorable eras of your life.
It's truly remarkable how quickly someone can go from hating the process of meeting girls to enormously enjoying it.
Pussy does that.