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The most frequently asked question I get on the Approach Anxiety Program (and Bathmate, ironically) from guys that considering investing their time it is-
Will My Approach Anxiety Go Away Forever?
Will My "Gains" Be Permanent?
Despite varying definitions of "approach anxiety", "go away" and "forever", the short answer is-
Yes.
I define 'beating approach anxiety' as being able to approach 90% of the girls you want to with Basic Guy Game.
If you can look good and ask 90% of girls you are interested in for their number (basic guy game) - you will NEVER be without at least several options of girls to chill with.
You don't need aggressive stuff or even a screening mindset/approach to have a good sex life - but it does help if you are trying to hook up the FIRST day or night with a girl you just met.
What do need is to LOOK GOOD and enough social freedom/skill to speak to a stranger for about 3 minutes.
Fundamentals are the name of the game.
If you ACTUALLY COMPLETE the Approach Anxiety Program, your approach anxiety, as you currently know it - will go away forever.
The doesn't mean you will live an anxiety-free live - I don't.
All it means is that you will no longer have a drastic (or even low-moderate) physical or physiological response when you see and/or approach a woman you are interested in. And If you do - that response is usually dissipates entirely after you gain some social momentum which usually occurs after talking to just 1 girl.
Basically your "fight or flight" trigger is disabled or can be very quickly.
There's 2 reasons for that.
Exposure Therapy
The concept of exposure therapy is not my own.
It's been around for a long time and involved in too many clinical cognitive and psychological studies to count.
Exposure therapy is how you would beat approach anxiety whether not you did our program.
Anytime you are able to face one of your fears (and ideally - have a positive or neutral experience) - the anxiety of being in an identical or similar situation is diminished.
Exposure to low-moderate amounts bouts of anxiety lessen the overall anxiety.
The very best example and parallel of this is skydiving.
Whether you are afraid of heights or not - you probably would have some anxiety about jumping out of a plane if you had never done it before.
The unknown, uncertainty and the potential for "something really bad to happen" creates way more anxiety and excitement.
If you did end up jumping out of the plane or took a 'baby step' approach like going parasailing, hang gliding or indoor skydiving - the second time you considered jumping out of a plane would be easier and not as scary.
If you jumped out of a plane again - the third time would be even easier.
If you went skydiving for a fourth time - you probably wouldn't be significantly anxious at all. Not even during the lead up, which can be very stressful for newbies.
At some point - just about ALL of your fears would dissipate and be replaced with either excitement or indifference - both nearly polar opposites states of anxiety and fear.
That's exposure therapy and that is what the Approach Anxiety Program does.
Constant, little controlled bouts of social anxiety and tension - until your comfort zone expands.
Like I boast - it is PHYSIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to have approach anxiety, as defined above, if you take the Approach Anxiety Program seriously and see it through to completion. Seriously making an effort to beat your approach anxiety not just "doing" the drills.
By the end of the general program, Week 8, it will be easier to confidently approach a girl and ask for her number than to do some of the harder drills.
While the effects of exposure therapy are direct and obvious, the second reason that you will rid yourself of approach anxiety forever if you complete the program is less obvious.
It can be described simply as -
Confidence
When you are trying to do ANYTHING that you have ALREADY DONE BEFORE - you are more confident that you can succeed than if you had no experience whatsoever. Even if you aren't totally confident about possible success, there is some confidence instilled if you know that "failure" won't be the worst thing ever.
Confidence isn't black or white. Even being 20% confident can be powerful. The next time around you might be 30% confident.
This is also why a drill will get easier after you've done it one or two times.
You are confident you can do it for a third or fourth time - simply because you've already done it one or two times.
You will probably also be confident that you will do even better than your initial attempts/successes and that you stand only to improve.
During the program there will be days and moments where you consciously convince yourself that you have the courage to do something simply because you have done it before.
You've ALREADY PROVED IT.
This rationalization is powerful and it will be one that will carry you through the harder days.
Confidence from experience is also a huge part of why approach anxiety, as you once knew it, will not ever return.
Even if, hypothetically, you completed the Approach Anxiety Program and for some reason - took 2 years of from talking to women - you wouldn't be entirely "starting over".
There would be a conscious part of your brain that you could turn to and think-
"I've done this before."
"I've made small talk with a girl for 2 minutes and asked for her number."
"I've made small talk with a girl for 3 minutes and asked for her number."
"I did this and it's only going to get easier."
"I can do this. I already have."
There would also be an unconscious part of your brain that would limit the fight or flight response once you did a few approaches.
It's like "muscle memory" for your brain.
The concept isn't foreign or limited to neuromuscular movement.
If you've heard the saying, "It's like riding a bike..."
Meaning - once you learn to ride a bike, you can pick it up very quickly again.
You aren't "starting over".
(ironically, I never learned to ride a bike - I was always rollerblading because of hockey. Skating is the SAME way.)
Your brain, central nervous system and peripheral nervous are designed to recognize familiar circumstances based on a past exposure.
An aside to confidence is "pride".
Somedays, you'll need to PROVE to yourself that you can do something and do it again - once you finish the Approach Anxiety Program you can legitimately take pride that you are a top 10% guy when it comes to social freedom.
The drills you did in weeks 6,7, and 8 are not things that the average guy can do without a significant amount of preparation.
You have that preparation.
You earned it.
You are better than the other humans that surround you.
You'll have too much pride to stand on the sidelines with the other chumps and you won't.
Conclusion
This is 'beating approach anxiety' (aka overcoming a slightly irrational fear) is not brain surgery.
It's not insightful why our program works or even hard to do once you get the ball rolling.
I only thought it was productive to discuss our Approach Anxiety Program in this fashion to reassure you that it's effects would be nearly everlasting.
It's just like anything else that legitimately you take the time to get used to.
I haven't swam in about 4 years.
If you threw me in a pool I wouldn't sink to the bottom and die. I'd eventually swim to the side, get out of the pool, grab a machete that was sitting poolside and chop you up.
It's not hard to understand why exposure therapy works and how confidence from the program is built and retained.
Hopefully that clears up any questions about the lasting effects of program.
The program is free (and always will be) and will be updated and refined every few months if we decide there's a quicker way to get you from point A to point B.
It is CRITICAL that you trust me if you have previously "quit" approaching women because of fear of rejection or anxiety.
I need you to FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS as you agreed to on Day 1 in the approach anxiety petition and LEAVE at the end of the drill.
To successfully complete this program we need you to put the agenda of "beating approach anxiety" far ahead of "getting laid" - there will be plenty of time for the later at later date.
Though I try not to make promises or guarantees - I also like to structure our stuff in a manner of DO THIS ---> GET THIS.
Our Approach Anxiety Program is no different.
If you legitimately complete the program from START to FINISH-
You will no longer have approach anxiety.
If I had approach anxiety, my #1 Goal in 2014 would be to finish this program.
I'd section off the first 5 months of the year to do virtually nothing but our program and hit the gym.
By June (at least), I'd be ready and able to have the best summer of my life. I'd also be in a good shape.
I can vouch for this.
Even though I have not finished the AA program (week 5) as I was too impatient to get laid, I can say with certainty that on a good day I can approach 75% of women I'd like to.. I may go back to it at some point to finish...
I can vouch for this.
Even though I have not finished the AA program (week 5) as I was too impatient to get laid, I can say with certainty that on a good day I can approach 75% of women I'd like to.. I may go back to it at some point to finish it off.
Of course I have bad spells where I'm really anxious etc, but in general, my approach anxiety is minimal compared to when I started the program. Have some good memories and nice interactions with girls due to the program too, it makes u see what's possible for the future
thumbs up
This is a neat post chris. Just to clarify something on 90% (I have always wondered about this number). Sometimes I feel like I cannot approach anyone and this greatly fluctuates on my mood. But I also comes from a position where I have...
This is a neat post chris. Just to clarify something on 90% (I have always wondered about this number). Sometimes I feel like I cannot approach anyone and this greatly fluctuates on my mood. But I also comes from a position where I have approached many many girls with conversations anywhere b/n 3-10 minutes sometimes more and took their numbers (some involves what you call aggressive). Although I don't get nervous most of the time while talking to them, I do get nervous sometimes depending on the girl/location/my head... it varies. Putting all this together i can say (at least for me) on average it is not 90%. These days I don't think about it too much though, but it was one metric that bothered me for quite sometime in the past.
Love this shit, great article. I'm always interested in the psychological component of things. The idea of exposure therapy makes everything seem so much more manageable. I completed Day 13 last week and just got over an injury... can't wait to...
Love this shit, great article. I'm always interested in the psychological component of things. The idea of exposure therapy makes everything seem so much more manageable. I completed Day 13 last week and just got over an injury... can't wait to get back to it, especially as I've started working @ a nightclub where all the waitress are smoking hot.
Chris, thank you so much for putting this program together.This kind of program is what I have been looking for for years now. This is the number one area in my life that stresses me out to think about because I never knew how to approach it and...
Chris, thank you so much for putting this program together.This kind of program is what I have been looking for for years now. This is the number one area in my life that stresses me out to think about because I never knew how to approach it and couldn't figure out why I get so anxious around really hot girls. This program and your website is one of the most exciting things in my life in a long time. I wish I had more time to dedicate to this program so I could finish it sooner but I am going to work at it everyday with the time I do have.
I believe this is the best site in the world for any guy that has the work ethic and determination to be a top 10% guy and I am so grateful that I found it. I have just started the approach anxiety program and I am on day 7. I have no idea what the drill will be the next day, I haven't looked past Day 7 and I don't want to know until I get there.
One thing I do know is I believe this program will work for me and any guy that truly does the drills and I'm really looking forward to 2014. I trust you. I'm looking forward to continue learning from you.
Couldn't say it any better. I have the same mindset and couldn't be happier about running into this website by chance. I've already put a lot of the concepts with online dating and its been working. If we really apply the things we learn on here,...
Couldn't say it any better. I have the same mindset and couldn't be happier about running into this website by chance. I've already put a lot of the concepts with online dating and its been working. If we really apply the things we learn on here, we'll find it real rewarding, I believe. It just depends on us to apply it.
The Buddha said, "if a man were to conquer in battle a thousand times a thousand men, and another conquer one, himself, he indeed is the greatest of conquerors".
Here's to social freedom!
Hey Chris,
Your articles are top-notch as always, very comprehensive and well-structured...
but i have to admit that i don't like the aa program, that's why i quit all the time.
I don't like some drills like -Ask a girl about wine- no girl...
Hey Chris,
Your articles are top-notch as always, very comprehensive and well-structured...
but i have to admit that i don't like the aa program, that's why i quit all the time.
I don't like some drills like -Ask a girl about wine- no girl drinks wine, so why should they care
..that drill doesn't make sense at all or that 'Candle-Light Dinner' drill, it's just unnecessary,
or another example is 'Banana Phone' drill, another example would be 'where's the beach -
flexing your muscle' that drill is distressing and very hard to accomplish, and i think most guys quit
the aa program, because of that drill... i wonder if someone made it all to the end, i doubt it.
I really don't want to bother you, but those drills are just unnecssary and i really want to know what the intention behind those drills is, please throw some light on it. The other drills are pretty good
though. I'd appreciate if you'd give the aa-program a new facelift and overwork it again...or let some
dudes in the forum come up with some creative drills.
Hey Chris,
My respect for you is immeasurable and my previous post wasn't supposed to discredit you in any way.
I know that you're deep individual and you always think things through, but as i said before...some of the drills are way too hard to...
Hey Chris,
My respect for you is immeasurable and my previous post wasn't supposed to discredit you in any way.
I know that you're deep individual and you always think things through, but as i said before...some of the drills are way too hard to accomplish and i wonder if Scotty ran through them too.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago i created my own aa program and mixed some of the drills from your program into my program..it isn't finished yet, but it won't be long to finish it.
I'll post it on the forum and i would appreciate your feedback.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
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