Approach Anxiety Doesn't Exist
(You Just Aren't Being a MAN)
These are my final thoughts on beating approach anxiety.
It's the single biggest reason that most guys don't have options beyond girls they already know.
So long as you LOOK GOOD (above-average), you can Get Laid as much as you want once you can TALK TO GIRLS.
How to Beat Approach Anxiety by Being a Man
(this video largely covers the content and this post with some extra discussion and personal stories)
Also available (like most of the other videos/audios) here on Soundcloud.
Will I Ever Beat Approach Anxiety?
If you want.
After running Good Looking Loser for almost 5 years, it's blatantly obvious who beats approach anxiety and who does not.
Guys that are ACTUALLY serious - do.
Guys that are not - don't.
Unlike some goals in life, everyone and anyone can beat approach anxiety.
It's attainable, regardless of your genetics, environment or socio-economic background.
ANYONE CAN DO IT.
But not everyone will because they simply aren't actually serious about it and it requires consistent effort which most guys aren't capable of.
But it's completely doable for ANYONE who is ACTUALLY serious.
Not that many guys are serious and that's why they will only sleep with a handful of girls in their lifetime.
Can Everyone Beat Approach Anxiety?
You'll beat it if you are actually serious.
You won't beat it if you are not.
We've made it as structured and painless as possible, hundreds of guys have been successful with our free programs -
If you take the program(s) seriously and actually finish them (or most of it), talking to random girls is beyond easy.
Our programs take a systematic, intelligent, non-theoretical, not too scary, guaranteed approach to beating social anxiety.
Here are a few journals from guys that beat approach anxiety with our program -
- "Rousseau Finishes AA Program" (Rousseau has gotten laid 50+ times)
- "DC7 My AA Log" (DC7 has gotten laid 50+ times)
- "Mr. Q: How I Beat Approach Anxiety in 5 Weeks"
- "Andy Kills His Inner Loser" (Vlog Journal)
But there's a way you can skip over approach anxiety altogether.
Here's what you need to know -
#1 Approach Anxiety Doesn't Exist
(There Are Only Men and Boys)
Think of "approach anxiety" like this.
This should motivate you.
I'm not going to tell you to "be confident!" or "don't be a pussy!", but I am going to tell you to -
Have some self-respect.
You can do that.
No matter what your goals are in life, every single one of you guys have the goal of BEING A MAN.
MEN can talk to girls.
It's as simple as that.
Even if they are nervous, MEN can talk to girls that they are interested in.
Boys go home.
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.
That is how I beat it.
The entire thing became a test of my manhood.
It wasn't about the girls.
It was about me and if I really deserved to be alive.
Once I viewed it that way - I was almost always able to step up to the plate.
The anxiety isn't optional, but you ALWAYS have the option to talk to the girls.
You always have the option to resist and fight back.
Is Approach Anxiety Optional? (La Résistance)
#2 There Is No Such Thing As Approach Anxiety
(You Either Want to Get Laid or You Don't)
This is from Scotty.
The guys that ACTUALLY want to fuck girls can beat approach anxiety in a couple of weeks.
The guys that don't ACTUALLY want to fuck girls will take over a year to beat it.
For many guys (including myself when I started), whether they knew it or not, Getting Laid isn't their #1 goal.
Getting Laid would certainly be cool but they are mainly in it for validation.
When you are in it for validation, fear of rejection is even worse.
You are way more fragile and sensitive.
Once your desire to Get Laid is beyond your desire for validation - you won't hardly give a shit.
Getting so frustrated that you ACTUALLY no longer give a shit about your ego might be the best that can happen to you.
For Scotty, this was reality.
For me, it was gradual and I actually wish I hit rock bottom earlier.
That's why it took me well over a year to get serious and beat approach anxiety.
#3 Try Your Best to Forget About Approach Anxiety and Just Get Laid
Do you really need to beat all your approach anxiety to have the sex life you want?
You can Get Laid plenty, even if you have approach anxiety.
I must have slept with 10 or 15 girls (via cold approach) before I actually could say I beat approach anxiety.
This is because -
The problem isn't entirely the 'approach anxiety', but rather that you don't talk to girls.
If you look above-average, most sexually available girls will be happy to talk to you - even if you are somewhat nervous. In fact, if you hit on girls that are noticeably less attractive/cool than you are, some may even think your nervousness is cute and will totally forgive you.
The best way to get rid of the anxiety is to start talking to the girl. Most of your anxiety generally goes away once you get in there.
So long as you can make small talk and finish your conversations with "let me shoot you a text sometime..." or "do you want to grab a drink sometime?" you can Get Laid plenty.
It might not be "same day game", but you'll have plenty of options.
You have to LOOK GOOD to make this work consistently though.
If you look above-average, once you beat approach anxiety you will Get Laid as much as you want.
If you have approach anxiety, you can still get a fair amount of action though.
#4 You Don't Have to Be Smooth to Get Laid
GET THIS INTO YOUR HEAD.
If you learn only ONE THING from Good Looking Loser, this might as well be it.
Other than "BE A FUCKING MAN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE", the second biggest insight to beating approach anxiety that I realized was -
DON'T BE SMOOTH
DON'T BE SMOOTH
DON'T BE SMOOTH
DON'T TRY TO BE SMOOTH
So long as you are reasonably composed and look above-average, sexually available girls will be happy to talk to you.
Even if she knows that it can't go anywhere.
Sometimes, you'll have instant chemistry with the girl.
Sometimes. you'll have very little chemistry with the girl.
From doing this stuff for 4.5 years, I can honestly tell you that "how smooth" the initial interaction wasn't super important on where it ultimately went.
When they like you - they like you.
Read this before you die -
- "The Most Liberating Thing You Can Possibly Hear If You Are Scared To Talk To Girls - Don't Try to Be Smooth"
#5 Try to Stop Caring About "Feeling Social"
(If You Want a Real Life and a Sex Life)
When I started in 2007, I would go out for extended period of times and do "sets" and talk to a predetermined amount of girls.
This is what we did in the pick up community.
While this certainly paid some dividends and is a great way to beat approach anxiety, it wasn't sustainable and I wasn't very consistent with it.
I would talk to 20 girls or no girls.
I was either in "pick up mode" or "normal person mode".
I couldn't often psyche myself up enough when I simply wanted to talk to a girl under normal circumstances.
I had to "feel social" and "warmed up".
This doesn't translate to when your life isn't solely about picking up girls.
Like I tirelessly explain in the "How to Go Out Alone to Bars If You Are Scared" program, you have to be able to "Go From 0 to 100" so you can just talk to girls whenever you want so you don't have to waste time on "being social".
Having the ability to talk to a couple girls a day (and asking them out) is much more beneficial than doing infrequent marathon days.
In the long-term and often in short-term.
If you want to have a regular sex life (but also a real life) you absolutely need to make yourself the promise that you will try to stop caring about "feeling nervous" or "not feeling social" and do your best to talk to ask the girl out.
Just like anything in life, lasting success is about being consistent and not relying on perfect circumstances to put in the work.
Winning is about doing an adequate job in an inadequate amount of time.
The perfect time is always now.
#6 Social Freedom is Earned
(And You Should Be Proud Of Yourself)
Even to a greater extent than bodybuilding, getting good grades and making lots of money - being able to talk to any girl you want is TOTALLY EARNED.
It's a doable goal but you have to earn it.
I'll never forget coming home after my first 18 months in Hollywood and going out with some old hockey friends one night.
It was like I was a totally different person, making out with girls (obviously this doesn't mean that much), getting phone numbers and introducing different groups of chicks to my friends while I was completely sober.
I realized that I had really earned it.
The average guy, even guys that sleep with a lot of chicks from their circles, can't talk to girls they don't know that well.
It's a real challenge when you start off though.
Most people hardly ever challenge themselves and are content with remaining comfortably average.
I'm turning 34 this year.
The guys my age I know that have money, hot girlfriend(s) and a great life are the ones that really challenged themselves in their 20's.
If your life is going to be worth a shit, you've got to challenge yourself.
Talking to girls is no different.
Challenge Yourself For Once.
Obviously approach anxiety "exists".
It's the main reason that most men underachieve in their sex life.
What also exists is the decision to not let it stop you.
In fact, you have 100% control over that decision.
You have 100% control over BEING A MAN or being a little boy.
Listen, our approach anxiety programs are great (they work), but they are only for guys that are ambitious about fucking the most and the most hottest girls.
The average guy doesn't need to 'beat approach anxiety' to have a decent sex life.
He just needs to BE A MAN and stop caring so much.
This is all you need to know.