Baby Steps To Beat Approach Anxiety v1.0

How to Beat Approach Anxiety

This is an old post, a prelude to the Approach Anxiety Program, please see the program-

• The Approach Anxiety Program

I used to have approach anxiety and was scared to approach chicks.
My approach anxiety was as much (perhaps just slightly more) than the average guy.

I beat it, it took about 5-6 months until I could approach girls in any scenario or venue.

The mainstream advice to beat approach anxiety goes something like this-
1) Be confident!
2) Don't care what people think!
3) Just go talk to her
4) Just go approach 1000 girls
5) Pretend that she likes you
6) Do warmup sets and tell yourself, "they don't count"
7) Just be social!

None of these methods are worth a shit, mainly because they are written by "dating coaches" that don't have any experience with picking up HOT chicks and having sex with them.

There are numerous problems with how the mainstream authorities handle approach anxiety.

First and foremost, the biggest problem is that it doesn't end up "sticking" and the guy still has approach anxiety a month later. Another common problem is that- some guys are able to approach with the instructors watching, but a week later, when he's alone- he can't approach.

The usual reason that "just approach girls" doesn't work for a lot of guys is there seems "TOO MUCH" is on the line. Even if a guy is able to approach the girl, if the interaction doesn't go well- the guy is even more upset and his approach anxiety increases. I've seen this shit 100x times! Mainstream PU sets their students up for FAILURE and reinforces the anxieties that prevent them from approaching the first place.

We don't let that stuff happen. We make sure of it. Nobody that Scotty and I have work with (that took our plan seriously) has much approach anxiety anymore. I take pride in brainwashing you, crushing your approach anxiety, reprogramming your fucking brain and thought patterns.

While it took me about ~6 months to beat approach anxiety, it probably could have took me about 1 or 2 months if I followed the methodology that I learned and now actively teach and demonstrate to guys in-field.

So long as they are committed, most of the guys that I work one-on-one with beat their approach anxiety in about 1 or 2 months. Some shorter, some longer. Either way it doesn't matter, if it takes you a year to beat it- it's totally worth it. It doesn't usually take that long however.

Ultimately, you will have to crush your approach anxiety if you want to make Good Looking Loser's stuff (or any other pick up methodology) work.

Our "game" is super aggressive and encourages you to get physical with girls ASAP to get them IN or OUT. If you have approach anxiety, you won't be "screening" girls too well. At best, you'll revert to "Mr. Funny Man" game and find yourself playing it safe, trying to get girls to laugh, talk to you, be nice and accept you rather than prioritizing what you want- SEX (and whatever follows thereafter). Simply trying to avoid rejection won't get you laid too often.

A lot of guys want to bang hot chicks but approach anxiety pretends them from even trying.
It ultimately makes most guys "quit" too.

There's 3 general types of guys that we work with-

1) Guy has Social Anxiety (uncomfortable in social situations, can't talk to strangers, can't talk to HOT chicks, can't hold eye contact too well, heart rate flies up, 'fight or flight' response from non-existent external stimuli, needs a lot of alcohol) *this sometimes requires medication, there is NO shame in that.

2) Guy has Approach Anxiety (is okay in social situations but is nervous at least 50% of the time (day/night) when he thinks about approaching HOT chicks, thinks he needs alcohol or a wingman, often "runs out of stuff to say")

3) Guy has Sexual Anxiety (may or may not have social anxiety, approach anxiety- but is nervous at least 50% of the time when it comes to 'pull the trigger' and/or physically escalate a girl, non-secure with penis size or possible sexual performance)

*there is crossover within these 3 general types.

We handle all these separately if it is clear that we can't just THROW YOU INTO THE WATER and tell you to hit on the hottest girl WE see.

In this discussion- We are focusing on #2
(is okay in social situations but is nervous at least 50% of the time (day/night) when he thinks about approaching HOT chicks, thinks he needs alcohol or a wingman, often "runs out of stuff to say")

If you've worked with us, you'll know that (depending on your level of AA) there's about 300-500 drills that we'll make do- first with us watching, then a week later on with us on the phone, then alone. Sometimes, we'll have a hot chick that we bring or pick up a hot chick watch you do the drill too. We will demonstrate the drills if you need us to.

Every so often, we meet a guy that thinks he just has approach anxiety, but in reality he has both social anxiety and approach anxiety. So rather than having them constantly get stuck on the approach anxiety drills, we start him from the VERY BEGINNING with the social anxiety drills.

While I [literally] can't post all the drills on here, it basically goes something like this-

If you have approach anxiety...

Beginner / Intermediate Level

1) Walk up and ask a girl for the time (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
2) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then ask for directions (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
3) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then ask for directions and then give her a compliment (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
4) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then ask for directions and then give her a compliment and then introduce yourself (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
5) Repeat in a period no longer than 15 minutes.

if you get stuck, we'll fix it.

cliff's notes
- time, leave
- time, directions, leave
- time, directions, compliment, leave
- time, directions, compliment, introduce yourself, leave

More Advanced Level

1) Walk up and ask a girl for the time (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
2) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then give her a high five (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
3) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then give her a high five then and then tell her "Wait it's not [what time she said] are you trying to trick me?" just stand there for a second afterward and then just say "Oops, you're right, thank you" (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
4) Walk up and ask a girl for the time and then give her a high five then and then tell her "Wait it's not [what time she said] are you trying to trick me?" just stand there for a second afterward and then yell "THANK YOU!!!" at her (LEAVE, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO STAY)
5) Repeat in a period no longer than 15 minutes

if you get stuck, we'll fix it.

cliff's notes
- time, leave
- time, high five, leave
- time, high five, it's not that time, thank you, leave
- time, high five, it's not that time, THANK YOU, leave

Why "Baby Steps" Work

There's a lot reasons why this works.

For one, it sets you up for SUCCESS and not FAILURE. You will probably be completely successful at most of these drills and we will build on your success. You are simply DOING THE DRILL and not trying have an sexually-charged interactions where you are responsible for getting the girl's number, taking her somewhere, kissing her or banging her. You don't need to go from 0mph to 100mph to get past approach anxiety.

For two, these drills target and focus on APPROACHING and don't lose sight of that. We aren't trying to build your skill set, physical dialogue, body language, etc. etc. just yet. We just get you used to "see her, talk to her," scenarios. We'll work on your "game" later.

For three, most guys will literally have to reprogram their central nervous system that sets off a natural 'fight or flight' response when it senses potential danger (in this case, the emotional fear of rejection). In order to reprogram your system, repetition and exposure therapy is REQUIRED. I'm absolutely not some NLP (neuro-lingustic programming) dork, but I know how this stuff works and that we need to change the automatic thought patterns that have repeated themselves over-and-over through the years.

For four, when a guy gets 'stuck' on a certain drill, we will figure out EXACTLY what is going on in his head and why a certain drill freaks him out. We'll go do the drill while he watches and that usually solves it. But if it doesn't, we will hear from you RIGHT THEN and find out exactly what thought patterns you are experiencing which we will need to destroy. This is often the most productive of 'baby steps'.
For example, if a guy gets freaked out by the idea of "high fiving" or shaking a girl's hand during the course of a drill, we know (98% of the time) that the guy has sexual anxiety that we will have to fix. We will dig into this topic until the root of the problem surfaces and then figure out the next course of ACTION to kill it. Just an example.

For five, Scotty and I have trained people DOING THIS, it works. We've seen it work. Everything on GLL.com is written from personal experience, this issue is NO different. We've also been with more HOT chicks than we can count but had approach anxiety when we started. So yeah, trust me- it works.

This is only a quick glimpse at "Baby Steps," the process is much more comprehensive. The order of drills is organized in such a fashion to maximize success while still stretching your comfort zone. Certain drills test for certain blockages and sticking points. Still, with the information here- if you acknowledge your starting level, you can probably put together your own "Baby Steps" and knock out a significant amount of your approach anxiety. Eventually, you realize you don't need the "Baby Steps" any longer and you voluntarily THROW YOURSELF IN THE WATER. That's what always happens. The more often you do our drills, the faster this works.

Remember, if you have really bad approach anxiety and you can't go hit on the HOTTEST girls right away- it's okay. Just be honest with yourself and take it from there. It doesn't matter if it takes you 1 month or 1 year to beat approach anxiety, it's worth it. One guy I'm working with "Zuberi" thought it would take him a year or more to beat approach anxiety, I think it took him ~2.5 months to COMPLETELY beat it.

“We are often so fearful of whether or not we can achieve something that we forget to remember that if it is broken down into smaller, daily steps it becomes MUCH easier and most often attainable.”

This is a related discussion-
I Want to Bang Chicks, But I’m Not Comfortable with Social Situations / Environments & How Chris Got Good (Approach Anxiety)