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Unlike the majority of stuff on GoodLookingLoser.com this discussion doesn't really arrive at any conclusion, we usually avoid 'theory' but this will benefit some people that figure out how to apply it appropriately.
If you watched the latest video, the one from October 20th - [the one where I get that 20 year old chick into my car], you may have noticed a few quotes that popped up before the video. The quotes begin at 6:50.
While that section was mainly to just put in the sick war-chant song, there's obviously a lot of truth to the quotes.
There's 2 of them-
Basically, when your desire to Get Laid (not 'meet women') is more than your desire to avoid rejection (or get validation), approach anxiety starts to become a thing of the past. You are able to hit on women, and slowly- via exposure therapy, approach anxiety becomes less-and-less. That's why the guys that actually want to Get Laid are ultimately the best at this and the fastest "learners," the guys that don't actually want to get laid (want ego boosts, stories to brag to friends) are playing damage control the entire time until they quit.
When I was beating my approach anxiety, my desire to NOT BE A FUCKING PUSSY superseded my desire to avoid rejection. I could live with an unavailable girl telling me she wasn't available, I couldn't live with going home feeling like a total pussy. That's what made me talk to girls at the start. So in my case, it was a little different.
In both cases though, one fear is greater than the other fear.
The greater fear (not getting laid ever/feeling like a pussy) serves as a motivator to conquer the other fear (approach anxiety).
This is fine.
If you are out there, have approach anxiety, and fear is your temporary motivator that forces you to take ACTION. Run with it. A lot of experts that don't get laid say that, "Fear should NEVER be a motivator."
Don't listen to this bullshit.
Fear motivates people everyday to stretch beyond their capabilities and test their spirit. Think of kids studying for fucking hours for school, people working mundane 9 to 5 jobs, professional athletes playing injured. There's tons of more examples, but I think you get the point. If fear causes you to positive action, then- great.
Russia, more common in the former Soviet Union, had an interesting way to treat drug addiction.
By most accounts, their method was way more successful than the traditional 'therapies' in Western countries, especially the United States. The recidivism rate (aka the rate at which how many people go back to drugs/alcohol again), was significantly lower than other countries. Although we can't get actual numbers from the old Soviet archives, you are correct to assume that their drug abuse 'program' was more successful in transforming drug addicts to productive citizens of the Motherland. The KGB wouldn't have it any other way.
The "program" worked like this-
If you were a 1st time offender, drug addict or if they thought you were- they would arrest you and you'd enter the drug rehab program.
You'd be taken to your cell that allowed absolutely no light or fresh air in.
Depending on how much funding the prison received from Moscow, you may or may not be chained to the floor or a bed that had no mattress. The upscale places had metal beds.
Armed guards would beat the living shit out of you for days, possibly weeks at a time. Every 60 to 90 minutes. If you were in withdrawal, it meant you were a serious drug addict in need of serious rehabilitation. To make sure you knew when you were going to ass kicked, a you'd receive some sort of notification in your pitch black small cell. Maybe a noise, maybe an electrical shock, maybe one of the over-sized rats would let you know. Guards would break your bones, put cigarettes out on your neck, rip your fingernails off and piss on you. Careful not to get blood on their boots. Careful not to die too.
In a few weeks, you'd be rehabilitated! Probably never want to use drugs or alcohol again!
If you did- you were fucking crazy, the USSR didn't look kindly upon repeat offenders.
I suppose the reasonable criticism of this is- these types of reports were common in American Cold War propaganda, the severity of the drug rehabilitation program likely varied through the years and by region. It doesn't mean it didn't happen though. There were a lot more disgusting things that have happened in the USSR, especially in the decades proceeding World War II. Another criticism might be that [seemingly] the majority of people in the former Soviet Union were alcoholics... so who knows.
I can't really suggest a complete course of action for each and every person. But FEAR motivates us all.
I will suggest though, if the consequences of not hitting on a hot girl was for you to be taken to a Soviet prison, you'd probably beat your approach anxiety faster. In fact, I know so. You probably wouldn't care if she said she "has a boyfriend."
You'd be happy enough not to be laying in your own blood and piss for weeks.
I'm not sure what kind of consequences you could put on yourself for not approaching/being a pussy, but it might be worth some consideration. Only a minority of people will actually self-impose consequences on themselves, excuses are much easier and much more common. Additionally, there's certain people that shouldn't consider doing this, some people have a very bad self-dialogue to begin with.
Another alternative is to get someone [that actually cares about you] to impose consequences on you.
Though it's very 'community' like, I thought that giving your friend $100 (in 5 - 20$ bills) and you got $20 back for every approach can be fairly helpful in the initial stages. I only saw 1 case where a guy said "fuck it, keep the money, I'm going home..."
A more aggressive measure might be to call an ex-girlfriend that dumped you and tell her/leave her a message that you can't even approach girls while she can get fucked any night she wants by the dick size of her choice. That might work for some people, but for others it will just make them more miserable.
Although loss of finances, shame/humiliation or other psychological punishments can motivate some people to ACTION, unfortunately- only the fear of physical violence or loss of freedom can really motivate the most stubborn cases. In fact, a lot of guys justify not approaching a girl through fear of physical violence from an imaginary boyfriend.
But imagine if that imaginary boyfriend would kick your ass if you didn't approach, you probably would. You probably wouldn't stand there thinking of reasons not to. You wouldn't have much choice in the matter.
Any sort of accountability is good too, as GoodLookingLoser.com expands, we'll get more of that in the forum.
Until then, I wonder if we can think of some sort of "thing" to get guys to approach women. The AA drills are the formula, but sometimes we need a better motivator.
You've thought about it long enough.
My motivator was deep psychological pain. I got down to a low point, I had suffered for many years, and I wanted things to change. If only I had been wise enough to affect change in my life without having pain motivate me. But I guess many people...
My motivator was deep psychological pain. I got down to a low point, I had suffered for many years, and I wanted things to change. If only I had been wise enough to affect change in my life without having pain motivate me. But I guess many people are so numb to their emotions that they don't change until they absolutely feel like they HAVE TO, or otherwise their life feels so meaningless day-to-day that they wish they were dead.
I did also have positive motivation: a group of guy friends from a common activity. Having them around made me feel a sense of belonging and camraderie, and finally being "normal" and not so much a weirdo who doesn't speak to anyone. Before I had these friends, I had zero friends. But having at least some kind of friendship with these guys gave me the courage, comfort in social situations and social skills to talk to girls and begin my AA drills this fall.
good points:) i'd say it helps to have friend that you talk with about these things, or even better, get a friend that wants to fuck more girls as well. Then you can keep each other up on taking action, and you dont want your friend to see you as...
good points:) i'd say it helps to have friend that you talk with about these things, or even better, get a friend that wants to fuck more girls as well. Then you can keep each other up on taking action, and you dont want your friend to see you as a pussy, thats humiliating!! you want to impress him and make him feel your cooler than him.. thats a good motivation!!!!!!!
This Soviet Union thing is legit lol. I've tried this sort of thing before but the consequences were never so great that I was actually scared if I didn't approach. Did my own variation on this the other day said my buddy could kick me in the...
This Soviet Union thing is legit lol. I've tried this sort of thing before but the consequences were never so great that I was actually scared if I didn't approach. Did my own variation on this the other day said my buddy could kick me in the nuts as hard as he could if I didn't open the sets of cute girls at our campus. Needless to say I approached all of the sets
Stop and do 10 pushups if you dont go hit on the girl your friend points to
i do something like this a lot actually. whenever i know i have to do something mad importante i give like half of my rent money to my brother and tell him not to give it back unless i show proof that ive done what i need to do. done it 5 times...
i do something like this a lot actually. whenever i know i have to do something mad importante i give like half of my rent money to my brother and tell him not to give it back unless i show proof that ive done what i need to do. done it 5 times and i always stop procrastinating immediately instead of being a dirty dirty homeless poo poo head.
thought about posting this in the forum months ago but forgot
sure man.. post it up (w/ your experience) im a big fan of any self-discipline techniques if they have worked for guys
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
comment 26220 - "How to Pickup Girls if You Are Nervous... (Nervous Guy Game)"