This is an opinion website that offers information of a general nature and none of the opinions should be construed as advice. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Good Looking Loser. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals.
It's all about looking your very best and finding the girls that find you sexy and want to sleep with you (exactly what it takes in real life). It's mainly to avoid going on dates and scoring as quickly as possible.
Not everyone can start there. In fact, most guys (including me, years ago) couldn't.
It's mainly for guys with high sex-appeal that would be comfortable having "random girls" over to their place without knowing much about them. For the average guy, especially the average guy with approach and social anxiety- this guide moves too fast. Even if you are able to have a hot girl come over in 90 minutes, it's unlikely that you'll be comfortable enough in-person to finish the job. Maybe. Maybe not.
That's why I suggest that most guys, especially guys that are a part of our approach anxiety program, start with Rooster's Guide.
It moves a little slower and you'll be more comfortable. The girl will be probably be more comfortable too.
You'll go out on a couple dates, go a little further with the girl each time and eventually have sex with her. Who knows, maybe you'll get excited about some of the girls. This is actually what I did in 2008-2009 while I was still trying to beat approach anxiety. No matter how good or bad my approaches went, I'd begin the week with 4 or 5 girls trying to meet up with me. I always had options and that carried me through the initial stages of approach anxiety. I also slept with a lot of these girls which also did wonders for my confidence and self esteem. To this day, I still chill with some of the girls.
Rooster's Guide is a REQUIRED part of our approach anxiety program. The majority of guys that "quit" approaching women do so because they feel they are not getting results and keep getting their egos hurt. I can't make you do anything- but going out on a few dates and having some women in your life during this process WILL DO WONDERS for your confidence. A lot of undersexed guys take pride in not doing online dating. Don't be that fucking guy. Get Laid instead.
Getting Laid one or two times from the Internet can be the difference from seeing our AA program through or getting discouraged and quitting like a pussy.
Rooster is very successful with online dating and he took quite a bit of time to make this guide. I've made a few changes, but it's pretty much exactly how he made it.
This is EXACTLY the guide I'd follow if just starting out with this "lets go fuck a lot of girls" stuff and still had a bunch of anxiety to get rid of.
Rooster’s Online Dating Guide for Newbies (Ross aka Rooster) w/ Good Looking Loser (Chris)
Who is this guide for?
This online dating guide is aimed at the young or average man who’s looking to start getting dates.
If you have any:
Anxiety or a bit Nervous on Dates
Outcome Dependency (needy and easily become emotionally invested)
Inexperience (low confidence, not sure how to act)
Then this guide is made for you.
I also encourage you to use this guide concurrently with Good Looking Loser's Approach Anxiety Program that will be released fairly soon.
First Main Goal: Getting Dates on Plenty of Fish
Once your profile is set up correctly, you send messages correctly, and you set up dates correctly – can you then focus on what to do on the actual dates, how and where to escalate, screening boyfriend hunters, etc.
If all you were to do is just go on date after date you would fix a lot and eventually all of these problem areas. I know a lot of guys that rarely go on dates, if ever. I was a bit of a nervous wreck when I started and the only thing that got me past that was experience and exposure.
The good news is- the girl is usually nervous too. If you are "just a little less nervous" than she, usually things will go pretty well. Girls only go out with guys they interested in. So remember- the girl you are sitting next to on the day is ALREADY interested in you to some degree. Try to relax.
Rooster’s Background (About Rooster, By Rooster)
If you don't know me (or even if you do) it's important to give you an idea of who I am and where I'm coming from.
Awhile back I had over a year and a half off from work due to continual surgeries from a football injury. During this time, I made the commitment to create a consistent source of women to get laid from; while investing the least amount of time/energy/money as I can. I didn’t want to spend countless hours and dollars at the clubs or hangout with people I didn’t really care for just to get laid. When I started getting good I was usually having between 3-5 dates per week every week for about 6 months straight (until I got my first fuckbuddies.)
Through a consistent quantity of dates I made huge progress.
This past month I’ve been teaching my friend Steve (aka numerounostg on GLL.com) all I know about online dating to help him gets some dates. Steve was having trouble with online dating, he tried a couple different PUA online dating books/methods in the past but nothing worked well for him. If you ever go on those sites, it’s really the blind leading the blind. The advice he was given steered him in the wrong direction and with all he learned he managed to get just one date that ended to prove unsuccessful. Now he's on his way to fucking the majority of girls he's meeting up with.
This current week (first week of January 2013) that I’m writing this guide, Steve has scheduled 13 different dates with 13 different women being each at least a 7 on the looks scale…. Yeah, 13 in one single week. He even has a lot of girls driving over an hour to see him for a single date.
Throughout this guide his profile will be highlighted.
Profile Theme & Pictures
For a beginner’s profile, it should stand out from all the usual boring, lame, nice guy profiles out there.
At the same time though, you don’t want it to stand out too much and start screening out too many girls. Remember, this is a guide to go on meetup and not a "quick hit" guide like Good Looking Loser's Guide.
Your profile should convey (To be ATTRACTIVE, you should look...)
Cool - Relaxed, Chill, and Popular. This highly reflects on your clothing style in your pictures, as well as your text in your profile.
Fun - No dull or boring pictures. You fun side is necessary in this type of profile. This can be done a lot of different ways in your pictures of you with your friends, at a party, at a concert, etc.
Sexy - You need to LOOK GOOD. Even if you aren't "good looking" you can look good. If girls don’t find you attractive they won’t want to meet you. You should look like you ALREADY get laid. Don't worry, if you are decent looking and appear cool, girls will AUTOMATICALLY assume you have options... because - you do. ~~If you can’t tell if your photo is sexy. Go to HotorNot.com to get it rated. Try and get at least an 8. We can help you in the forum too. Just don't yell at us.
Power/Success(optional) -If you don’t feel like you can pull off a sexy theme, a good alternative is power/success, or as Chris calls it "status." It can be tricky to do but it could be you in your business suit or driving your fancy car (if you have one).
You want to convey all 3 (or 4) of these characteristics. If you are able to convey just 2, you'll be more attractive than ~90% of the guys on the site.
*Your Pictures are the Most Important Part*
I can’t stress this enough..
A general rule that I found to be true for a lot of people for online dating: Your potential in the quality of women from online dating is often at par with your looks, or a bit below. For instance if you're a 7 in looks, you will pull some 7's and a lot of 6's. That's usually how it goes. It is possible to get girls in a higher “league” than you, but it doesn’t happen too often and you shouldn’t expect it to, at least in the beginning.
Here's the good part though.
Guys online are constantly screening themselves out for girls. They do this by having lengthy bad profiles, lengthy messages, bad pictures, needy frame with messages, etc. Even the really good looking guys have really no idea how to actually pull a decent amount of pussy from online dating.
This is the guy I mentioned earlier. His profile shows exactly what Sexy, Fun and Cool pictures look like. As I mentioned- this week he has scheduled 13 dates. He could start screening more but he’s gaining a lot of experience every week.
This needs to be your best picture (ideally the sexy one). Your thumbnail of this picture pops up all over the website’s top bar on POF and side bar on OKC. If you ever want to get opened, this picture needs to stand out a bit from the usual boring pictures from other guys.
A lot of the time girls won’t even bother viewing your profile and just decide whether to reply to you or not on the quality of this thumbnail. Make sure it’s your best and that it also looks good as a thumbnail (some pictures just don’t look good small for whatever reason).
If you have a lousy thumbnail, your profile won't be viewed too often.
2-3 is ideal. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. Shirtless shots are good only if you’re shredded - otherwise keep that as a surprise until she’s in your bed.
Good Looking Loser says: Yes shirtless pictures are good, just 1. The girls that "reject" guys with shirtless pictures are generally not looking for players, they are looking for safe boyfriends. You are free to go out with these girls, just understand that you may be waiting over a month to have sex with her.
Your profile needs to be simple and short with a bit of an asshole/jerk edge to it. The asshole/jerk part is to help separate you from the 90% boring nice guys on there. Women read through this to generally screen you out! Remember - were trying to apply to as many different types of women and not screen hard. If your profile’s long and dull you will seem boring and the more you put down the more different reasons a girl has to screen you out. 3-4 lines are ideal.
Here’s an example of a solid profile text that’s short and has a bit of asshole to it-
Click for Better Resolution
For OKCupid, paste the same message you have in your ‘About Me’ on POF in the ‘My self-summary.’ The rest of the profile leave blank.
Other Parts of Profile
Plenty of Fish
Intent - Wants to date but nothing serious
For - Dating or Hangout
Interests - (funny and sexual is good) - Warm smiles, massages, sandwiches, naked skydiving, pleasure, etc.
First Date - Leave blank
Drinks - Socially (if you do drink)
Smokes - It's generally better to say you don't, but if you say you "Smoke Often," non-smokers that message you back are definitely interested.
I’m Looking For - long term dating, short term dating
Drinks - Socially
Best to leave the religion and astrology sign part blank.
Another small tip is to word things like your profession better. Instead of ‘retail’ put ‘sales’ (or 'business').
Overall the idea is the have a profile that stands out yet doesn’t screen too much.
How To Message Girls Efficient and Productively
Once you have your profile set up you will then start hitting up the numbers hard.
This is a numbers game. The more girls you hit up, the better your chances. Just like in real life.
When efficiently done, you can send of 40 messages in a day (POF max) in around 10-15minutes.
Potential Warning: if you send 41 messages or send 3 identical messages in a day, POF will freeze all of your future messages for 48 hours. As of now, I’m not exactly sure of OKCupid limits but it’s a good idea to follow the same guidelines just in case.
First: Don’t ever bother reading a chicks profile when sending out a bunch of messages, that would take forever. I might read it if I have a date scheduled already with a girl, even then not always.
I have literally sent messages to nearly everyone on the site in my somewhat small town. So once a week when I go on POF, I'll just hit up the New Users section. I’ll scroll through the pages and click my scroll wheel on my mouse (or right click and select new tab if you don’t have a wheel) on any hot chick and it opens a tab without changing windows. I’ll go through about 40 pages (that’s about how many new girls there are here in a week) in about 10 minutes with probably about 65+ tabs open at times.
I'll look at the pictures and make sure that-
1. They’re actually hot.
2. They live close enough by.
3. I haven’t messaged them before. (optional)
Here’s my trick for #3.
You don’t have to do this, but I use to feel like a dick at times sending the same message to the same chick like 3 or 4 times. First you need to use the chrome browser. Next, you make a bookmark folder named “Girls I’ve Messaged” now when you go through the tabs and you’re about to send a pasted message to a chick. Click the star on the top right of the screen. Make sure the Girls I’ve Messaged is selected, and you’re good to go. Now whenever you’re about to send a message in the future, the little star will be all bright yellow if you have already sent it to her. You don’t have to choose that folder every single time but it’s really easy and takes no time at all once you get the hang of it.
Even if you don’t care about being a dick, the main reason is because to don’t want to waste your 40 max messages in a day on girls you have already messaged.
For OkCupid, it tells you straight up if you have already messaged them therefore you don’t have to worry about it.
Another part of this tool is that every once in awhile you can re-open an old chick you’ve messaged before. I have actually gotten laid from a girl not responding to my first message but months later replying to the second time I opened her. This doesn’t happen often, but since you have a bunch of hot chicks saved in a folder, it doesn’t take much time at all to do.
Good Looking Loser says: Ross is right here. I've actually hooked up with several girls that ignored my first message. Yep, SEVERAL chicks. I didn't ask them "why" they did that, but two girls said something along the lines of, "you looked hot, but sort of like a douchebag." Eventually they gave in. Cool. That's what I go for. Douchebag > Nice Guy.
The idea of the opener, follow ups, and closes is having a set routine of messages for quick use. A lot of time guys will spend forever trying to think of the perfect response to a girl who is probably just online for attention. This way you can spend more time hitting the numbers hard and less time on a specific girl.
I have a separate word document that contains all of my phrases for quick pasting. I also use some great phone apps for pasting messages that are listed on my other tools page linked at the end of this guide.
Every conversation won't always go the way as planned. Regardless of what you say, make sure you follow these 4 rules:
1. Responses are fairly short.
2. You're in control of the conversation.(Often if you don’t end a message with a question, she'll stop talking.)
3. Don’t act too serious.
4. Pitch the meet up around the 3rd or 4th exchange of messages.
"Fucking Phrases" (WHAT TO SAY)
Here’s something I call the Fucking Phrases. (If you really want to use these exact phrases that's fine. But they are mainly meant to just give you an idea of what to say)
You seem cool. What are you up to?(Can also add name at end - What are you up to, Kayla?)
What would you say makes you different from other girls?
* I'd be keen/up to meet but first I need to know a few things...
* You're not one of the crazies on here, stalker and or clinger? : )
Lets chill later this week. Something easy like- coffee. Let me know if you're down. 555-5555 (I’ll then put down my # at the bottom of the message)
After that they usually either put down their number or text me. If not then I’ll say: Tell me/Drop me your number and we can chat a bit more : )
* #3 & 4 is used to act like you're qualifying her
Good Looking Loser says: A quick note on this "qualifying" thing. If you are a noticeably better looking than she is- don't do any qualifying stuff, or VERY LITTLE. Why? BECAUSE SHE IS ALREADY INTERESTED (she's writing you back) and you'll look like a dickhead by "qualifying" her since she assumes you already get pussy since you are good looking. The same applies in real life.
These are the exact phrases I've used a lot of time times and got laid a lot from this year.
Here's a sample conversation from what basically goes down every time I use The Fucking Phrases. This example differs a tiny bit with the opener.
Click to Enlarge
They are no "rules," don't look for rules and don't invent them. Obviously when you two are talking things won’t always go as planned. Girls can sometimes lead the conversation a bit or have a lot of questions of their own. Never ignore their questions. If you feel like taking the conversation a different direction than these phrases that’s completely fine. Just remember to follow the 4 rules posted above. These phrases are meant as a guide to give you an understanding and have a good starting point. They are a source of questions to rely on to save time and be efficient.
Don't be afraid to ask girls for their numbers. They are on a dating site to exchange numbers with guys. They aren't just "hanging out" on Plenty of Fish or OKCupid for online buddies. In fact, with the exception of the lesser desirable girls and don't have too many guys messaging then, most girls just want to trade a few messages and exchange contact info.
Set up your meetups as soon as possible. I always try and set up the date within a few days away. If you take too long, girls are more likely to flake, change their mind, or even find someone else by then. The sooner you meet the better.
Good Looking Loser suggests texting them RIGHT AWAY-
"hey this is Rooster, just saved your ##, nice meeting you! Ill give u a call soon"
... and then follow up with a phone call within the next ~36 hours. Use our phone blueprint or just call them.
Notice that the punctuation is NOT grammatically correct. That's just what Good Looking Loser recommends. It won't make or break you, but don't pretend you are some fucking egghead scholar via text. So not sexy.
Remember- THEY WANT YOU TO CALL. Why? How Do I Know? Because they gave you their fucking number. That's what normal healthy people do. Insightful huh? ;) Ignore the PUA crap and don't start playing hard to get. Go try and Get Laid.
The Phone Call
As mentioned, you can use our phone blueprint to make this call.
Have a place/time in mind BEFORE you call.
This is basically how it goes-
Text them "hey whats up"
When they text you back, call them right then.*
Enthusiastically say "hi" and ask them how their week/weekend is going like it's super important to you.**
Make small talk.
Break the small talk and say "so whats your week look like?" (she'll tell you her plans).
Suggest a time to meet up (within 3days), "hey I have a busy week too, but what are you doing Tuesday at 5pm?"
If that falls through, suggest another time "yeah actually that day is busy for me too, how's Thursday at 5pm?"
If that falls through, tell her to suggest a time.
After you decide a time, tell her you have to go but you are looking forward to meeting her.
* Again, calling them RIGHT AFTER they text you, IS NOT NEEDY. THEY ALREADY ARE INTERESTED and THEY WANT YOU TO CALL. Stop with the little boy techniques. Once you have a girl's phone number, stop worrying about "looking needy" or "am I playing 'hard to get' enough?" if they give you their number to you on an online dating site- THEY ARE INTERESTED.
** I suggest that you are a little more enthusiastic than you might be on a normal phone call with a girl. For the girl, the initial phone call is usually the "weirdest" part. You need to show that you are in control and you are fun person (not the creepy internet serial killer/rapist that most girls are trying to avoid). "Hey Lauren, it's Chris... how are you????" "fine." "Yeah? How's your week going? I'm having a great week (tell her something cool that happened)."
The Dates (or Meet Ups)
After you secure a meet up via phone, you'll be meeting up with the girl. Rooster describes REPEATABLE dates below.
You’ve now got date. The date is simple and fairly quick. Since I usually go for coffee the date will last around 20-30 minutes. The fact is that within the first 5 minutes the girl will most likely know if she will meet up with you again or not - depending on your frame, how you act and if your pictures resemble you. You'll be evaluating her as well. Some guys will have a very long stretched out date that wastes time and money. This way if she doesn’t like you or vice-versa, you don’t have much invested. It’s important to be a bit sexual. Do this by talking about sex in a mature way and touch each other a bit.
How to Act
Starting out with your first dates, you’re most likely going to be pretty nervous. It really depends on your experience and how good you are with women.
One night to keep in mind is- SHE ALREADY LIKES YOU (to some degree).
The most important thing is for you to be comfortable and confident - just focus on that if it’s your first few dates in awhile.
When you have experience and get confident enough, there’s a certain frame to hold if you’re expecting to get laid from this girl soon. She has to believe that you’re an experienced, sexual guy that has options. If she can’t picture you being the type that can really fuck her brains out, you might not get to - or at least not for awhile.
This is more of a topic in itself but let’s just focus on getting you dates first.
Still a Numbers Game
This is where I invite her to my house to watch a movie. A lot of the time I’ll set it up by sending her a text like:
"drinks, cuddle, movie?"
You don’t have to have the drinks, but a good idea is to say “a movie” in the text regardless if you actually want to watch a whole movie. If you were to instead just say “come hangout at my house” it could be a little too direct for her and trigger her ASD(anti slut defense) girls aren’t stupid, they often know your intent.
When she gets to your place make her feel comfortable and get her a drink if you want. Talk, cuddle on the couch, and watch the movie. After the movie, you start escalating.
If you’re more experienced you could hangout somewhere else and chill, then bring her to your house afterwards - or even start escalating during the movie. It’s important to follow a game plan and always have solid logistics (a place to fuck)
Basically the third date is a repeat of the second if you didn’t get any or didn't seal the deal.
You can watch another movie, make dinner for each other or something else but make sure 100% that you will end up being at a place where you can escalate. Preferably- your place. Handle the logistics.
The sooner you escalate on a girl, the better. If you’re starting out and you escalate on a girl on the second date, she might have sex with you then (depending on your frame) or hold off sex until the 3rd or 4th date. But it you escalate on the 3rd or 4th date, she might make you wait until the 5th or 6th which by now you have invested a lot of time and might become dependent on getting it.
Eventually once you get good, most lays will be on the 2nd or 3rd date. If the chance it goes past that, she’s most likely a big boyfriend hunter and won’t give you any until you significantly invest in her emotionally. When you get good you will end up screening those types out anyway.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I’m fat and gross, what should I do?
GET IN SHAPE.
You don't want to hook up with a overweight girl. Girls don't want to hook up with an overweight guy if they can help it.
In the meantime- there might be some things like fitness and style that need attention first.
Now, if you are already progressing with increasing your looks/style, there are ways to increase what you already have.
Guys that fall into this category need to have a bit of a theme to their profile. This is done by going for instance an image of power/success/business or an adventurous/edgy/fun.
CEO/Business Theme- yourself in a suit or driving a nice car.
I'm Super Cool/Fun Theme- action shots of you playing a sport or a good shot with a bunch of your buddies.
Always to make sure still to have at least one solid face shot though and that the pictures are recent. You don’t want to start the first date by deceiving them.
Is there a certain way to text?
Yes- quickly and then STOP.
Take a look at our phone/text blueprint.
Chris only uses text to get girls on the phone.
You are no "closer" to banging a girl by texting her for hours instead of calling her quickly. If she texts with you, SHE IS ALREADY INTERESTED- so call her and stop "working on" her.
Can I just copy your profile and messages, word-for-word?
It's better to eventually have material that fits your personality though. Work toward that once you have a basic understanding of what you are doing.
Should I ever send a personalized opener?
This is a numbers game and it would take way too much time to send a personalize message relating to every girl's profile. Like I mentioned earlier, you can definitely add something small at the end of your basic opener like her name or something else small which generally helps a bit with response rates.
If you want though, you can have a small category of girls that you want to send something a bit personalized.
For instance, I live in a bit of a small town so I’m sending messages to girls in a total of 4 to 5 different surrounding cities. When I see a girl that is #1 in my city and #2 is my exact type, I will skim through her profile for something to bring up in the opener. Just remember though, your pictures will determine your responses, not your openers.
Just like in real life.
Thank you for reading Rooster's Guide to Plenty of Fish.