Nice Guy Syndrome Discussed
This probably isn't the first time you've heard of "Nice Guy Syndrome," if it is- that's okay. We'll give you a working definition.
If you find this too basic, not to worry- we will discuss Nice Guy Syndrome more in the future. I might even have a specific program that treats/beats the shit out of this disease. For most guys' sex/dating lives, however, they don't need a special program, they just want to get used to talking and touching random women, doing what they want more often, finding they have options and realizing their Nice Guy behaviors.
Talking to and initiating physical contact with random women is the opposite of Nice Guy behavior.
My informal 30 second definition is-
Nice Guy Syndrome is an ongoing condition where a "male" repeatably takes approval-seeking actions, with expectations, but no formal contract, that the recipient will repay him with gratitude, affection or other favor. Doing so, over time, results in an internal and external loss of masculinity perception and respect from self and other persons. (GLL 1.1.69, ~Screen That Pussy)
Not bad. I actually wrote that in about 35 seconds.
Basically you're a little bitch.
Nice Guy Syndrome is a condition in men who appear to be always nice (and boring), and who avoid conflict at all costs.
In doing so, they underachieve in their personal and professional lives.
For the average male, I feel Glover's work to be very good at bringing awareness and workable solutions to this condition. For guys that want to bang 100+ hot girls, have 3-4 fuckbuddies, etc. sometimes more aggressive treatment is needed. More on that another time.
Good Looking Loser Nice Guy
Just like everything else on GoodLookingLoser.com my discussion and solutions come from experience. This is no different.
I had a significantly above-average case of Nice Guy Syndrome. It's no consequence that the majority of guys that underachieve, or feel like they underachieve, in their dating and sex life have Nice Guy Syndrome. I actually think the "seduction community" was helpful in helping me beat Nice Guy Syndrome. Once I was made aware of Nice Guy Syndrome, I identified my Nice Guy behaviors and relationships and terminated most of them in about 60 days.
I beat Nice Guy Syndrome; I consider it my 2nd or 3rd biggest "inner game" victory, with beating negativity being the 1st.
The interesting thing is- still to this day, even though I "beat" Nice Guy Syndrome, every once in a while I finding myself reverting to past behaviors, both with males and females. Yep, even me. I admit it. It's pretty seldom, but it is evidence that you don't have to COMPLETELY SLAUGHTER and NEVER AGAIN take a Nice Guy action to score buckets of top-shelf pussy.
Just beat most of it. Just realizing your behaviors, talking with women and Don't Be Reactive v2.0">"Do What You Want," basically kills 95% of it.
This is mostly a topic for a different time; I did want to tell you that I have experience with Nice Guy Syndrome. About 27 years with it!
Mr. Asshole Nice Guy
I knew quite a few guys in the "community" and had a few social-circle friends that were also made aware that they were Nice Guys and sought to beat the disease.
Although I didn't quite fall into this category, their solution was to try to become a total asshole. Or at least act like one.
Certainly being a total asshole is the opposite of being a Nice Guy, right?
The logical opposite of Nice Guy is NOT NICE GUY.
It's not total asshole, that's the polar opposite.
The total asshole thing was hardly real and it arguably had a worse effect on their professional and personal lives.
One kid in Florida got fired from his job and I punched another kid in the face. 2 times. Thankfully, they all ditched the act and the intentional bad moods and came back to planet Earth.
So let's talk about what does work- NOT NICE GUY.
- Identify your Nice Guy behaviors.
- Do What You Want instead.
- Stick up for yourself when the time comes.
- Optional: Admit when you are wrong. (this works on the 'pride' aspect)
Like approach anxiety, daily action and exposure therapy to the new mindset forces it home. It generally dies about as fast as approach anxiety; the two usually require the same duration of treatment.
So again, if there was any confusion- NOT NICE GUY is what we are shooting for. Not total asshole.
Simply doing what you want most of the time will make you more masculine that just about 90% of all male humans.
Some people wear a "WWJD" bracelet "What would Jesus do?" (it's actually 'Walk with Jesus daily) to remind them of their Christian faith. You can write on your hand "What should I do?" to remind yourself that you will no longer be a pussy.
No seriously, do it. I did for about 3 weeks in late 2008.
Hitting On Girls On a Daily Basis Will Kill Mr. Nice Guy
Like everything else, we need to keep it simple.
The hours wasted on trying to discover which parent is most responsible for your passive-aggressive behaviors or the meaning of life will bring your progress to a halt or even send you backwards.
Thinking is not progress. Thinking is thinking.
Like I said, only a small minority of guys need a focused program to beat Nice Guy Syndrome. The vast majority can get past Nice Guy Syndrome simply by doing AA drills and gradually transition to hitting on women fairly aggressively.
The AA Drills (coming early December 2012) begin to build proactive, assertive behavior while also reducing your fight or flight response to approaching.
Remember, simply talking or "bothering" women for any reason, let alone socially-acceptable requests such as time, directions or basic opinions is HUGE for the nice guy. Total nice guys just can't do this, potential conflict is too frightening. Nice guys are worried about getting "caught" doing approach anxiety drills or getting a bad reaction when they are doing something different than being a pussy.
So long as you can go through the AA Drills, you'll defeat quite a bit of your Nice Guy Syndrome, at least enough to begin to play the numbers game and Get Laid occasionally.
Simply talking to women without their permission, in this day and age, is NOT NICE GUY behavior. For the average guy, it is a huge step in reclaiming (or discovering) their masculinity.
Again, just doing what you want and standing up for yourself makes you a NOT NICE GUY. Some feminine pussies may confuse you with an asshole or a jerk, but that's a misnomer.
The Asshole Confused
Certainly you've heard the statement, "Women like assholes," or "Women dig jerks," or "Women dig bad boys."
They are all talking about the same character, but a fair amount of socially inexperienced guys confuse the asshole, jerk, bad boy or douchebag for the total asshole.
Again, that's not what we are talking about.
Women don't like the total asshole or total jerk. Nobody does.
The "bad boy" is not a hardened war criminal or serial killer. He is just a guy with a little edge. Sometimes, he has no real edge, but just has some facial hair, an edgy pair of jeans or some accessories. Sometimes it's just a decent jaw line. The bad boy is hardly "bad," he's just not a total pussy. It's a lower standard than we might think. The standard is slightly higher in socially competitive cities such as New York, Los Angeles or any place in Texas.
That might seem obvious, but there's a fair amount of guys out there that don't quite understand this.
So long as you "do what you want" most of the time, you don't have to worry about coming off as a Nice Guy or being taken advantage of.
Being Polite Doesn't Mean You Are a Nice Guy
You can be polite and you can be a douchebag.
I'm very polite. You might be surprised. I'm probably overly polite to random people.
I say "thank you" to people, hold doors and make small talk with people that are intimidated by me - just to make them feel comfortable. I put my weights back where they go at the gym. I try not to hit people in the face with cigarette smoke. Some of the hot girls I chill with will throw their gum, cigarette butts and coffee cups on the ground without a second thought since nobody will tell them not to; I have them pick their trash up. I especially say "thank you" to cashiers and grocers. They have a job that I would go crazy doing. I appreciate them bagging my food and their effort to keep America running. I thank them on behalf of everyone. What a nice guy I am.
All I do is run this creepy blog where I help guys fuck women and get my dick sucked on most day, life is good. Any sort of politeness is actually from the bottom of my heart, not to "get something" or some ulterior motive.
Scotty, too, is pretty polite. He smiles and high fives random people. He gives compliments to people and tries to make them feel better about themselves. Unlike myself in the past and my other friends, I have never heard Scotty talk behind someone's back or say negative things about people. He's a sweetheart. Such a nice guy.
No one confuses us for Nice Guys. It's isn't just the physical appearance. It's everything. The clothing, the walk, the diet, things we talk about out loud. There's no strings attached to our polite behavior.
Being polite means you are being polite. It may or may not mean you are a pussy Nice Guy.
It's not the behavior- it's the place from which it comes.
A lot of guys don't get this and they ask silly questions: SoSuave Important Survey: Holding Doors for Women: Yes or No?
If you've noticed, all my approaches are verbally polite.
"You are attractive," is basically the first thing I say 90% of the time. Sometimes, I even say "sorry" or "I know this is random," I can do this because I'm not perceived as a little bitch, in fact just the opposite- maybe politeness even helps me. If you feel you have similar characteristics, I encourage you to be polite if you want to be.
Where the "politeness" ends is in the physical dialogue. It is not polite to touch anyone unless you know them pretty well.
We break that rule.
What it looks like is "laid-back aggressive" game. Verbally polite, perhaps funnyish/normal with a rising physical dialogue that completely changes the meaning of the interaction. This is the style that both of us have. I'm a little more verbally "haha" than Scotty, but he moves faster. But remember, I learned a lot of this stuff from him.
Without getting too technical, you can be as polite as you want, so long as your physical dialogue is established and slowly rising. It's not about the words anyway. You'll never get confused for a Nice Guy.
Nice Guys don't touch random women, let alone speak to them.
Polite Scumbag of the Century:
Wilt Chamberlain (RIP)
While we never quite know what the real deal is with celebrities or personal athletes, let's pretend we know Wilt Chamberlain.
I apologize if this isn't 100% factually accurate, just take a look at the main point.
He was a Center for the Los Angeles Lakers and the first 7-foot player in the NBA. He was more dominant than Shaquille O'neal and arguably the most dominant athlete ever in any sport. Wilt once scored 100 points in an NBA game, something nobody even has or will come close to breaking.
Wilt was both the ultimate gentleman and the ultimate scumbag.
You could say the two cancel each other out and he's a gentle-scumbag, let's just call it "Polite Scumbag."
Wilt claims that he slept with (fucked) over 20,000 women.
While that may or may not be true (1 new woman every 17.6 hours), Wilt's personality combined with his celebrity status and 11+ inch dick provided him a limitless sex life. Supposedly, he'd literally move from girl to girl as their pussies crumbled on a special made king-sized bed in a Bel-Air mansion that is just around the corner from where I'm typing this.
Though even our best efforts couldn't replicate his celebrity status or foot-sized cock, let's look at the personality.
Wilt was polite.
He'd actually go on dates with women, he'd rent a limo, he'd show up with flowers, he'd take them to a nice restaurant, he'd pose in pictures with the lucky ladies, he'd let them order whatever they wanted, he'd pay and he'd leave a generous tip.
During the meal, he'd get up from his seat and sit down next to women at other tables and politely talk to them, he'd take their number, he'd organize plans, he'd buy them drinks, he'd kiss them (respectfully, no tongue), he'd tell them he loved them and then he'd return to the table where his date was sitting and tell her he loved her too.
On his way out of the restaurant, with his date on one arm, he'd scan the room for pretty ladies and politely introduce himself to all of them, ask all of them for their numbers, make sure they had drinks, he'd humbly sign autographs for those who wanted, and even might give a rose to a special girl.
He arrives at home, asks his date (who was usually totally humiliated) what music she liked to listen to, he'd pour her a drink, slowly undress her, compliment her on her body with words with "beautiful" and "sensational" and fuck the living shit out of her.
She'd go home in a limo with some fresh flowers and a gift (sometimes cash, although she wasn't a hooker). Wilt would start to phone other women if he didn't have a basketball game the next day.
Wilt wasn't a liar.
He loved women, all of them.
Now we can't dismiss that his celebrity status was responsible for the vast majority of his success.
Wilt was a celebrity that played the numbers game. Big time.
This is rare.
You may be surprised, but there are plenty of [lesser] celebrities in Los Angeles that are petrified to approach women because they don't actually have great self-esteem and look a bit different than they do in their airbrushed photos. Like normal guys, they are limited to their social circle, albeit a circle with no shortage of hotties and high-status women.
Still, if you actually behave like Wilt did- literally introducing yourself to every single woman you found attractive (he had low standards) and politely ask for their number, you'd never have to read GoodLookingLoser.com again and you'd Get Laid more than every single person in the PUA community, including the mainstream gurus. You'd be drowning in so much pussy that you'd have to get a secretary to schedule fuck sessions. If this happens, we encourage you to write in and give your testimonial.
There's some perspective on "Nice Guy" Syndrome.
The Approach Anxiety drills and simply talking and touching women and "do what you want" will help you beat it. Simply doing that should put you ahead of 90% of guys. Once you beat most of it, you're fine. You can be polite as you want to women, so long as you establish a rising physical dialogue. So, after you read this you never have to wonder "what to say" again, say whatever you want.
Just make sure you mean it.