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Alexis discusses her journey from not being able to orgasm to leaving puddles of warm cum in her lover's beds.
If you read my last post titled “Masturbation: A Female's Perspective,” you may remember that I couldn't have an orgasm when I first started having sex. But after masturbating (mostly with my pink vibrator), I was finally able to climax with a man. This was a huge relief for me, and now that I can orgasm, I am quite addicted.
Why Could I Cum From Masturbation, but not Sex?
I really think I couldn't cum during sex because I wasn't comfortable with myself.
I felt inexperienced and a little nervous. I over-thought and wasn't able to live fully in the moment.
I've always felt that sex should be mutually enjoyable for both people, so I wanted to be a “penis pleaser” for lack of better wording. But with that belief came the worry. I can still remember the things that went through my mind back then. I worried about being just alright in bed – I wondered if the guy I was with had better sex – and I wondered if he would tell me if he was disappointed. Try to imagine all that going through your mind during intercourse. It's no wonder I couldn't have an orgasm. I was too worried about pleasing the other person.
Good Looking Loser says: See guys- girls think this stuff too. Especially when it's there first time with a new partner.
After I was able to have an orgasm with my vibrator, I started feeling more confident. I knew that I could cum, and I loved it! I realized that in order to have an orgasm, I had to let go completely – feel the pleasure – and not let my mind wander. I had to tell myself I was sexy and believe it. Now I am super confident in my ability to please a man. I'm able to dress sexy – tease a guy – and tell him he's going to love cumming. It really makes sex more enjoyable for the guy I'm with and for me.
My First Orgasm During Sex – What was Different?
Wow, my first orgasm during sex was awesome! I was very relieved afterward, and had a sense of calm.
What was different?
Chris, I had an orgasm! Alright, I know that isn't what you wanted to know, but I couldn't resist.
A lot was different, to be honest.
Even though I still didn't want to let a guy down in bed, I realized that aiming to please myself was a good thing.
Before my first orgasm during sex, I began getting closer to climaxing. I noticed that men got turned on when I enjoyed myself while we were fucking. I could tell they liked the fact that their cock was giving me pleasure. This gave me even more confidence.
Sweet Relief! ;) (and a big puddle!)
My first orgasm was on a summer night with Jon. We had been having intercourse and dating for about 1 month. Up until that night, Jon was always on top when we had sex.
That evening, we shared a bottle of wine – had music playing – and a candle lit. During foreplay, I told Jon I wanted to try being on top, and he said OK. As we undressed, I looked at his cock and grabbed it before we had sex, but then I closed my eyes most of the time. This forced me to focus on my sense of touch, and really allowed me to enjoy every sensation. I didn't think about anything except what I was doing and feeling. I enjoyed every kiss, touch, and sound that Jon made. I concentrated (but not too hard) on what felt good, just like I did during masturbation. I found the perfect spot, and told Jon I was going to cum (my way of saying don't freakin move).
I had a strong emotional connection with Jon too, and I think that helped push me over the edge. For me, and many girls, sex is emotional as well as physical. That doesn't mean I don't ever have a one-night stand. I do if the mood is right, and I'm not in a relationship or with a fuck buddy. I have to be attracted to the guy, and feel some type of emotion. It may be lust or infatuation, but I have to feel some type of connection. Right now, I have a fuck buddy, and even though we don't plan to stay together long term, we connect with one another. We are pretty much friends with benefits. We go to the bar with a group of friends, watch movies at one another's apartments, talk, and give each other massages (which of course, leads to fucking). Go get some massage oil guys! ;)
True or Untrue Guys?
I'm told by guys that sex is mostly physical for them. Would you say this is true Good Looking Loser (I love that I can get away with calling Chris that) and other men?
Good Looking Loser says: Yeah, absolutely. Guys want put their penis' in things that look good.
Penis Size and Sex
I believe there is a silent (but not-so-silent on a girl's night in) consensus that a big cock is visually stimulating. I've learned to associate it with pleasure since my first few experience with larger penises felt great in my pussy. Girls that have had early good experiences with large men will generally confirm this.
Having a big penis is helpful, but it won't do you any good if you don't know what to do with it.
So, regardless of rather your penis is average or large, it is important to know how to please a woman. You need to know about the different types of orgasms females can have (and this topic is “cumming” up shortly, so keep reading), and how you can help a girl cum.
When you're having sex with a girl, she will usually show signs you can look for to know if she is enjoying it – if she is in pain – or if she just wants it to end because it isn't doing anything. I've experienced all three of these things while fucking. The last two are not fun at all!
Also, keep in mind that every girl has a different pussy, just like every man has a different cock.
Don't get me wrong, I love a big cock. ;) But if it is really big, certain positions are painful for me. So, a guy with an average, hard cock
can please me by holding my legs up near my head or placing them on his shoulders for a deep fuck. If a guy with a really big penis does this, it causes me pain instead of pleasure. But he can please me in other positions, and with much less effort.
I Need a Hard Cock to Cum
Keeping your cock hard is also very important. I cannot have an orgasm unless a guy is fully hard, and I can tell if it gets even a little bit soft. I guess you can imagine fucking a girl with a tight pussy, and then suddenly it gets looser. You're definitely going to notice it!
Good Looking Loser: That's interesting, I've gotten girls off (well, they got themselves off) when my dick was at around 50-60% because a condom was too tight / my dick was pumped up too much from Bathmate. Granted, there's a lot to work with these days.
My Orgasms: Clitoral – G-Spot – Deep Spot
Lexy and I talked about orgasm for a little while, she then retraced her progression.
Clitoral My first orgasm was a clitoral orgasm during masturbation. Even though this type of orgasm feels good, I prefer vaginal orgasms now that I can have them. That is just my opinion though, and a lot of girls really enjoy clitoral orgasms, especially if they've never had a vaginal orgasm.
Good Looking Loser says: young girls know their clit 10x better than their vag. They are used to touching themselves there and it's generally (well, nearly always) how they discover masturbation.
G-Spot I think the G in G-spot must stand for getting better! I definitely prefer this type of orgasm over a clitoral one. Many times I can only have G-spot orgasm if I'm on top, and many of my girlfriends are the same way. When I'm on top, it's easy to achieve an orgasm. I think it's easier for me to cum when I'm on top because that is how I began having orgasms with my vibrator.
Deep Spot or A-Spot (Should be called A-Mazing-Spot if you ask me) A deep spot orgasm is awesome and breathtaking! My whole body quivers when my A-spot is hit by a guy who does it well. And that is before even having an orgasm! When it comes to my deep spot, I prefer the guy on top because he is able to deeply penetrate me. This type of orgasm is harder for me to have because for some reason it takes me longer. But when I do have a deep spot orgasm it is mind-blowing! The thing is, just having a cock hit this spot brings me so much pleasure that it is comparable to a G-spot orgasm.
Good Looking Loser says: catch the deep spot by putting your middle finger (longest) and ring finger as far into the girl as you can going slightly upward. Push down on her lower tummy with your palm. Try to meet your fingers (inside of her) with the area that you are pushing down on her tummy. You REALLY have to reach up in their, wait until she's super wet. This type of orgasm takes work. Most girls have never touched themselves there, the deep spot receptors/brain connection is very underdeveloped.
This might take several tries on several different nights.
Hung guys can sometimes hit this spot if they have a upward curve to their dick or push a pillow under the girl's ass. You want to penetrate slightly upwards toward her tummy. Careful not to hit her cervix because it's is hell for the girl. Less than an inch separates pleasure (deep spot) and pain (cervix).
Once you get a girl off from the deep spot, they usually want to marry you. Don't doubt for a second that having the equiptment (or skill) to produce deep spot orgasms won't help you dramatically with "Retention". This is type of thing that girls "use" large guys for.
Advice from Lexy: How to Help a Girl Cum
I don't let girls give advice on sex unless I think they know what they are talking about, Lexy does.
Make her feel comfortable before having sex. Try to make her feel relaxed and comfortable with you. Try lighting a candle – putting on some light music – and asking her if she wants a glass of wine or another drink. If she is relaxed before you start, she is more likely to stay that way during sex.
You should make her feel special without leading her on. If I have a one-night stand, I still want to feel sexy and beautiful. Being told I'm gorgeous is even better. I hate being told I'm cute, and there is a difference! You call your pet cute, not a sexy woman. I want to know the guy is with me because I am attractive, and not just because I am the first one he found to fuck.
Good Looking Loser says: When a girl is sitting on your bed (ESPECIALLY if she's naked), you can give her all the compliments you want. There's way too many guys that are worried that they are being a too much "nice guy" by doing this. You can drop the "I'm not a nice guy" thing at this point- SHE ALREADY LIKES YOU.
Foreplay. Foreplay is a must. The emotional lead up is what girls get excited about. You want to get her wet, and to the point that she feels like she has to have it!
I like a guy to lay on me with his boxers on, and push his penis against my vagina and lower belly. Feeling his big, hard cock gets me turned on. I also like it when he teases me by slowly moving the tip of his cock around in my pussy. Eventually, he or I will crack, and put it all the way in. I prefer this type of foreplay to oral sex. Some of my friends think I'm crazy, however. But I'd much rather get turned on and get fucked than receive oral sex.
Lubrication. Lubrication should be available if needed. If she has a dry pussy, put lubricant on your cock, and put it back in. You will both feel the difference, but don't use too much. I stay away from warming lubricant because sometimes it stings my pussy, and I had a guy say it felt like his penis was on fire!
Condom or no condom? I always use a condom if I am having a one-night stand, but I hate them.
I feel like such a guy for saying that! If I am having sex with the same guy on a regular basis, we don't use a condom. Sometimes I can't have an orgasm if a condom is used, but I have to trust the guy I'm having sex with in order to go without one.
Try different things. When you are on top, try moving in different ways, and hitting different spots. Move your cock inside her in a circular motion. Find a spot, and stay there pressing slow and deep (You're trying to find the deep spot). Look at her face, and listen to any sounds she makes for signs of what feels good. This can be deceiving though, so you may have to ask. I've been asked if I was in pain when I was actually in heaven.
Communication is key. Some girls can only cum in certain positions, so you may want to ask her what she prefers. Some guys like to take charge and be on top, but if she can't cum that way, you may want to consider letting her have an orgasm the way she can, and then switching positions. If you are with a girl like this long term, you can train her to achieve an orgasm with you on top if that is your preference. ;)
Remember girls take longer! It usually takes females longer to have an orgasm than a male. So, try to let her have an orgasm first. (I talked more about this in my first article, so if you didn't catch it, go check it out!)
Lexy's Response to Different Drugs During Sex
I have taken SSRIs that made it hard for me to have an orgasm. It was frustrating, but some girls can't even have one at all if they take an SSRI.
So, I experimented with meth for a while (by sniffing, in case you were wondering) when I was much younger. I liked the high it gave me, but it took my sex drive completely away. I guess I am weird because most people react the opposite way to this drug. My friends told me it increased their sex drive – and that they liked doing meth with a guy before having sex because they would both last for hours.
This may sound strange, and I still can't make sense of it myself, but Adderall increases my sex drive. It is a stimulant just like meth, so I'm not sure why I react differently, but I do. It's like a magical blue pill (the ones I have taken are blue) that makes me want to fuck and have an orgasm!
Keeping it simple. It works great for me a just about all girls I know if we don't go overboard. Increases my drive and overall cum. The drink depends on the overall mood but it's usually all the same. I love to smoke when I have sex, has Chris told you?
Drugs and Female Orgasm (The Short List) By: Good Looking Loser
This topic is a long one, this is by no means a comprehensive discussion on the subject.
I'll do one later and it will be much longer with dosages and hot details.
I've fed/been with girls on just about every compound ever. This is what goes down in the club/after-party scene. Girls are at still a very experimental phase of their life, similar to college, but usually involving more hardcore drugs since they have access to them in Los Angeles. I don't mix drugs however and I advise against it.
The response to following compounds refers to a SMALL/CASUAL/MODERATE dose in most girls I've been with. It doesn't necessarily refer to habitual use involve dependency or larger quantities.
Adderral (or Ritalin) - Decreases female libido, sensation and orgasm.
Alcohol - Increases female libido, sensation and orgasm.
Benzodiazapines (Valium, Xanax) - Decrease in female libido, sensation and orgasm.
*Cialis (or Viagra/Levitra/Ladialis) - Neutral effect on female libido, increases sensations, sometimes orgasm.
Cocaine - Increases female libido but decreases sensation.
*GHB (or GBL) - SUPER INCREASE in female libido and sensation.
Ephedra - Slight increase in female libido, decrease in sensation/orgasm potential.
Heroin - Various effects on libido, generally a decrease in sensation and orgasm. (non-habitual use)
Kratom - Decrease in libido and sensation in most girls.
*MDMA (ecstasy) - SUPER INCREASE in female libido and sensation.
Marijuana - Increase female libido and various effects on sensation and orgasm. MODERATE DOSE.
NSAIDs (tylenol, excedrin) - Neutral effect on libido, can reduce sensation and orgasm potential.
Oxycodone/Hydrocodone (Rx pain killers) - Various effects on libido, decrease in sensation and orgasm.
Both men and women in adult film frequently take Rx pain killers (and viagra) before a scene.
For guys- the combination makes them last super long. For girls- it keeps them from feeling the pain of repeated thrusts from a large cock.
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