Hold Off On AA Drills/Approaching
While I feel that nearly everyone can be successful (to some degree) in building a vibrant social and sex life, there's some guys that need to handle certain stuff first.
After all this is what happens to everyone over the course of their journey - "This Process Will Strip You Down..."
Being a good "guru" (I hate that fucking word) is measurable by YOUR success, not mine.
Part of success is putting you in a position TO SUCCEED.
And Part of putting you in a position to succeed, is not putting you in a position to fail.
I don't think the majority of authorities understand this.
It's not just in self-improvement- many authorities/coaches in academia and athletics fail to consider the psyche of their trainees.
It's not a matter of going "soft," it's a matter of getting results.
A matter of communication.
Intentionally or unintentionally demoralizing people isn't usually the most productive or efficient way to get results. That said, treating people like babies isn't a great way either.
Scotty and I have seen nearly every type of student, all levels, every issue imaginable.
We have a pretty good idea who succeeds, who fails and who benefits from what. We also know why they succeed and why they fail. Every once in a while a certain guy surprises us, but it's very seldom.
One of the main reasons for failure (aka dropout) is that the guy is simply asked/feels the need to do too much. He gets overwhelmed and quits. This is isn't unlike the dropout issue when learning any other skill or trying to accomplish any other goal.
Structure is so important and our main program will offer that DAILY structure.
Until then, we ask that you APPLY the information on GoodLookingLoser.com as best you can. Don't wait on me. Go get some.
At the same time, there are certain guys that should hold off on most of our material and get some other issues handled first.
This may be disappointing, but please trust me on this.
The success rate (building a sex life that including 3-4 above average girls) for cases I will mention is probably below 2%.
Frankly, between you and I, I probably should have gotten a grip on certain things before I started. I'll tell you about them below.
If you have to spend AN ENTIRE YEAR up front fixing some issues that will ultimately speed your development, what does it matter?
You'll be better off doing that than having an awful, negative, emotionally-scaring experience for AN ENTIRE YEAR and quitting.
Again, the list below is for your benefit.
Part of my job is give you the greatest chance to succeed as possible.
Guys that decide to proceed despite my advice have a very, very low chance of success and a exponentially higher dropout rate as compared to guys that give attention to these specific issues beforehand.
Simply getting lots of pussy, if it happens, usually doesn't not resolve these issues.
Guys That [Probably] Shouldn't Jump Into This Now
Guys With Moderate to Extreme Social Anxiety.
We've discussed this before.
If you have moderate to extreme social anxiety, you will not be getting much pussy via cold approach. Approaching women and having consistent success is next to impossible. I have not seen one clear exception to this rule. The exceptions, which I will write about later, are guys with low to moderate social anxiety who have other advantages that they are able to leverage.
For guys with moderate to extreme social anxiety, approaching hot women and touching them is the equivalent to jumping out of a plane for someone afraid of heights.
For guys with moderate to extreme social anxiety, our social anxiety drills (place link) and exposure therapy works about 50% of the time.
The other 50% it doesn't work for because- IT CAN'T. There are likely neurotransmitter, hormonal and/or CNS imbalances that NEED TO BE CORRECTED for any sort of the therapy to work.
It usually requires medication to do so. I suggest you keep an open mind and not dismiss this idea. There are people FAR MORE successful than I that have used medication to overcome/control their social phobia and have lives that are nothing short of amazing. I'm not saying that "popping a pill" will solve this completely, it is generally a starting point, but it's a better approach than doing jackshit or living with social phobia.
Beyond trying our social anxiety drills to see where you stand, I don't suggest ANYONE with moderate to extreme social anxiety begin our AA Drills or begin approaching women. Your current state is too delicate and exposure therapy will have little effect if you have CNS imbalances.
Sad Case: Stefan
I met Stefan in early 2008, like me, he had goals and dreams of fucking lots and lots of hot, pink, Los Angeles pussy. He had signed up to take something like 15 months of pick up workshops with a few different companies. The kid (well, he was in his mid-30s) sometimes drove me fucking crazy.
As I got to know the kid, I realized that he issues that prevent him from even beginning to make progress with women. One issue was his crippling social anxiety. He couldn't ask people for time or directions, he admitted that his blood pressure went up when he went grocery shopping. It sure didn't stop the companies from taking $5000+ from him a month though.
We'd check in every few months and it was clear to me that he wasn't progressing whatsoever. He had social anxiety that prevented him from gaining any exposure therapy benefits from the handful of "sets" that he would do at workshops. Talking to women (or people in general) was harder for him than before he ever started his program. It didn't help that all of his programs endorsed "I Hope She Likes Game," where it seems like you put your life on line each time.
One day he bought me lunch and unexpectedly told me about all of his problems and bad experiences with meeting people growing up. There were only a few instances, (some girl at college was mean to him, these black guys clowned him in high school, and his best friend sold him out when he was 9 or 10 years old) but they stood out in his mind like it happened just a few days ago. I didn't expect this and I really felt for the kid, so I said I'd try to help him even though I was still pretty average at meeting women.
Fast forward about 3 or 4 months.
Stefan texts me and his in the middle of a pick up workshop and tells me to come and 'see how he's doing'. I decided to go with my friend Tolland to show him this 'workshop'. Nothing had changed. He was still in his head and his "coaches" were buttering him up, "You're doing awesome man!" "Cool clothes man!"
Then something happened that marked the end for Stefan.
From a distance, I could tell that he was continuing to hit on some girls that weren't available. His coaches were watching and wouldn't let him 'eject' and demanded that he keep bothering the otherwise-friendly girls. When Stefan licked his finger (as part of a PUA routine) and touched one of the girls on face, one girl threw her drink in his face and told him to get away from them. This has happened two times to me, and both times I laughed and threw drinks at the girls. It wasn't so funny for Stefan though, he looked like he wanted to die. He ran out of the place crying.
Tolland and I knew these girls. These girls weren't the rude types for the most part, one girl was Tolland's housemate and I had been texting with Rachel P., the girl that threw the drink at Stefan. These girls weren't available, they were meeting up with us at "Big Wangs" (bar) too. I went up to the girls and told them we needed them to apologize to Stefan or just tell them that Rachel had an awful day and it wasn't a personal attack. We went outside and the girls all apologized. Stefan was sitting on the ground crying with his pick up "coach" who was explaining what he did "wrong". Stefan seemed somewhat relieved that the girls were nice to him again but said that he was going home.
I texted Stefan the following day to check on him, he said he was "cool," but he also said "he's done, this is not for me" he's quitting.
Rachel was the last girl Stefan ever approached.
He was done.
The kid should have never been approaching girls in the first place, he needed to fix most of his social anxiety (and other issues) before he could even start.
Now, he'll never approach a woman again. And He hasn't.
The entire story makes me sick to my stomach actually.
Guys With Moderate to Extreme Depression.
It is my opinion that guys with moderate to extreme make an isolated effort to handle this beforehand as well.
A lot of guys think that getting pussy will resolve their depression, in most cases- this is not true.
While it might help, since they are depressed- most guys will never get the results that can even begin to alleviate their depression.
Their lives become worse, sometimes- much worse.
I can speak from experience here.
I left my scholarship to the University of San Diego Law School with no plan whatsoever than to go to Los Angeles can hook up with girls and do some personal training. Hardly a proud life for a kid that won "Most Likely to Be President of the United States" in 4th grade. :D
Even though I was excited, a big part of me felt pretty fucking worthless. While I didn't have extreme depression, my slight-moderate depression made beating my approach anxiety, very tough. There were no AA Drills or any sort of "break-in" process that didn't set the depressive feeling off. I remember lonely nights walking along Hollywood Blvd. with a flask of Southern Comfort in my Biker Jacket shooting stupid routines at unreceptive girls wondering if I made the right decision and even if I did- if I'd ever even enjoy my life again. Thankfully, I dug myself out of the rut but it took a good 9 months.
Picking up women should ideally be part of a lifestyle. It is NOT the lifestyle.
It can be your first priority, and it probably should be, but is it NOT your entire existence. You need to have cool shit in your life to look forward to. If you don't, you better figure it out. That is what we are here for.
If you think getting pussy is a "cure-all," just wait until you get some. Wait until you meet some chicks you like and they bail on you and don't become your fuckbuddies. You'll be right back where you started, if not worse.
Do not try to hide in the pussy. It's a temporary fix.
Again, like social phobia, moderate to extreme cases may want to consider temporary medication. There's no harm in trying, you have a lot to gain and not much to lose. I will discuss my experience and opinion with anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications later.
Lifestyle changes, physical fitness, spiritual development and finding new friends can seriously help too.
From what Scotty and I have seen, very few guys with anything more than moderate depression find the success they want from this "fuck lots of girls" thing. There are some cases, which I will discuss some other time. Most never get close to that and should have made an effort to handle some of it up front.
Like anxiety, moderate to extreme depression puts you in a extremely fragile state. Handle with care.
If it takes you AN ENTIRE YEAR to handle your depression for the rest of your life, who the fuck cares? It's totally worth it.
We'll be here. The pussy will be too. Please give yourself a chance to succeed.
Extreme Lack of Social Skills.
For some reason, this one is harder to get guys to be honest about, but it is as critical as the prior mentioned issues. In many ways, unless you are super good looking, it's completely impossible to score good pussy if you lack basic social skills, while you could potential score if you had anxiety and depression.
There is some cross-over with social anxiety on this one.
Especially in the mainstream community, a lot of guys think learning "pick up" techniques can override a lack of social skills. This is unfortunately not the case.
In any given approach, these "techniques" or "canned routines" are about 10% (at most) of the interaction. The rest is "keeping it real" and just talking.
It is virtually impossible to pick up high-caliber women if you lack basic social skills, it still pretty hard to pick up average women too.
While some guys learn social skills from talking to women, most do not.
If you can admit that you have an 'extreme lack of social skills,' give yourself some credit. The period of middle school to junior year of college is critical to developing social skills, if you were being a "loner," you might have some catching up to do.
Circumstances beyond your control may have contributed to your lack of social skills, including the a fore mentioned topics. If you parents pulled you out of high school and moved towns, you never went to a campus-based university, didn't play sports or never had a close group of extroverted friends, were a introverted minority in a near total white demographic- you might have some catching up to do.
What's done is done. It's probably not your fault.
It is your fault if you don't recognize that you need to get some social skills and go out and make the effort.
I suggest you spend at least 6 months doing something on a daily basis that requires you to develop social skills and make some friends that have decent social skills.
Things that come to mind are-
- Server at a restaurant
- Some sort of lower pressure sales job that requires you to talk to people
- An assistant to someone in the entertainment industry
- Volunteer work
- Go on MeetUp.com and just attend events with people with similar interests.
You probably need to develop better social skills if you-
- Can't talk to someone who has similar interests as you.
- Can't talk to someone that you've known for years but haven't seen in a while.
- Have a hard time talking to friends-of-friends.
- Feel way more comfortable talking to people online than in person.
- "Blackout" when talking to people in a "safe" environment (like your house, car, places y0u chill)
- Require 5+ drinks of narcotic drugs to have a basic conversation (might be an anxiety thing)
Again, there is not really a way around this.
In fact, I'm glad there's not. You are way better of in life if you have a social skills.
Guys That Are Significantly Overweight. (Approaching Women)
This one is usually the easiest for guys to admit.
If you are really ambitious and you want to meet the hottest women via cold approach (or anything) you will ALWAYS underachieve if you are significantly overweight. Unless you have significant social status, if you significantly overweight- you won't be getting anything more than average girls at best.
That's the way it is. I don't make the rules.
Now, we are talking significantly overweight. Obese to morbidly obese. 28%+ body fat.
While you can do the AA drills and have some good success, I don't suggest you start approaching women. Use the time you get your ass in the gym and learn how to eat.
It's more likely that you'll get reactions that will discourage you, rather than results that will inspiring. Just put the pussy on hold for a few months. Losing weight should be your NUMBER 1 priority.
When you lose weight, you will look better and feel better.
If you are just overweight, not obese, I don't suggest delaying doing the AA Drills or approaching women, just work on your body during the process.
The standard here is high. Scotty was a competitive bodybuilder with one of the best physiques in the country for juniors. I played hockey at the highest level and tried to play football at the University of Florida before getting injured. The average guy that comes on GoodLookingLoser.com has a better than average body since they understand the importance of having low body fat and being their most attractive self.
You don't have to look like a professional athlete or a bodybuilder. Just low body fat. Ideally with visible abdominal muscles.
I'll be developing the Get Ripped section so the process is as easy as possible for you. It'll be sick.
Short Success Story: K.Hart
Kevin had moderate social anxiety and interestingly enough, a general (not extreme) lack of social skills if he wasn't with friends. One summer his doctor gave him a low-dosed anti-depressant and he worked as a bartender at one place we always used to go. Both were a non-issue after Summer 2006. He never looked back. Now, he's banging 3 girls, two of them are taller than he. He says he lasts longer than bed from the medication.
His life would have been so much different if he didn't decide to fix it.
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