How to Beat Sexual Anxiety
(Your First Time With A New Girl)
This discussion pertains to ANY GUY of ANY EXPERIENCE LEVEL having sex with ANY GIRL of ANY EXPERIENCE LEVEL for the very first time.
Not only guys who are virgins.
In "You Got 99 Problems But Her Orgasm Ain't One," I discuss how female orgasm is mainly, if not ENTIRELY, the woman's responsibility. (provided you provide 10 or 15 minutes of foreplay and can stay hard for 2 minutes or so)
This is the reverse of what society and the undersexed 'White Knight' pencil-necks in the media teach men to think about their innate responsibility of "pleasing a woman".
Like a quarterback in NFL, a CEO of a company, the president of the United States - the girl usually deserves the bulk of the blame when she can't get off (provided you didn't bust in 42 seconds) but she also deserves due credit when she wets your bed with happy fluid.
In general - girls that masturbate on a ~weekly basis can have powerful, quick, multiple orgasms - like my old roommate Lexy.
Girls that don't - cannot.
And they know it.
It's not your fault.
If they can't get themselves off - how the fuck can you?
Thankfully, I've always had this healthy attitude about my role in the "making love/fucking" process and I have less performance anxiety than anyone I know.
(granted: experience, big dick, Kegels, Cialis, Bathmate before intercourse helps)
In addition to the stuff I discussed in that article - I have another key insight for you.
It's the ONLY THING you need to know about performance anxiety.
It may put that anxiety to rest.
Why You Shouldn't Worry About Having Sex With A New Girl
You finally got her away from friends.
It was annoying but you are relieved that overweight girl in the group didn't fuck up your night. Buying her a beer and giving her Sour Patch Kids was a good move.
It's okay though, your anticipation is only stronger for it. You have total hottie on your hands.
Damn, now is this how chicks feel about foreplay?
When you get her to your place, you remember what Chris said - take her straight to your room. Almost every girl that goes home with a guy is DTF, no reason to goof around since you both had plenty to drink and plenty of foreplay.
When you start doing her, you know you are going too fast for yourself.
She's too hot and you are too drunk to hold back your orgasm.
BOOM... (or drip, drip, drip)
Done in 90 seconds.
Now your embarrassed and she knows it.
She tries to tell you that it's okay and she still had fun.
You tell her that you'll have to try again next time.
But will there be a next time?
If you ever get any good at this "Talk to Girls With Intention Of Inserting Your Penis Into Their Pussy" stuff, this scenario will present itself every so often.
It has for me.
Unless it's a regular thing (we'll talk about that soon), it's not a big deal and I'm going to tell you why.
There's three types of sexually-available SINGLE girls -
- Experienced Girls
- Lesser Experienced Girls
- Inexperienced Girls and Virgins
* some girls fall into 2 categories, per whatever your definition - but that doesn't matter.
Their reaction to premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction all arrives at the same conclusion, albeit via different logic.
Of the three categories, guys most fear having an episode of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation with an experienced girl.
After all, she's fucked a bunch of guys.
She's had good sex, she's had average sex and she's had lousy sex.
She's had different type guys - nice guys, players, weirdos and older guys.
She's had different sized dicks and she probably know what she likes.
While that might be the case, her attitude toward erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation is actually quite reasonable and forgiving.
She's seen it before.
Since she's experienced she ALREADY KNOWS that -
GREAT SEX doesn't usually happen the first time.
Neither party is totally comfortable.
Neither party has seen the other naked yet.
Neither party knows the preferences of the other.
Compound that with the likely event that drugs and alcohol are involved -
She isn't expecting GREAT SEX the first time.
She knows what she's signing on for.
A first time with a new person.
If she gets off - then great.
If you get off - then great.
Unless she was specifically looking for a one-night stand, she'll be waiting for your phone call and happy to share her pussy with you again if the sex isn't great.
Lesser Experienced Girls (Most Girls)
Lesser Experienced Girls generally have the EXACT same attitude as their more sexually-active counterparts, even though they have fucked less guys -
Sex isn't usually great the first time or until both parties hit a sexual comfort level.
I'm just happy to meet this guy.
I'm excited to see him again.
Like the Experienced girls, Lesser Experienced Girls have probably had a boyfriend or two.
When you are in a relationship (committed or uncommitted), there will be random bouts of lackluster sex and performance issues - for both the guy and girl.
Even though Lesser Experienced Girls haven't been with a lot of guys, they have had enough sex to see that erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation can happen and sex is almost always better after several rounds of practice.
This is especially true for girls - sex gets better and better as they get more emotionally attached.
These days, most sexually-active girls also always have a gay best friend.
(most popular girls in Los Angeles/big cities do)
She hears his stories/gossip/problems about random male performance woes and realizes that it's just something that happens and that is not something for them to get worried.
The girls that go to their gay boy-friend for advice are almost always told to NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OF and NOT ASK the guy about his performance issues since it will just make him more anxious.
They get it.
Slightly less often, Lesser Experienced Girls have the attitude of the next category.
When it comes to worrying about your performance on the first night, don't.
You should worry even less if it happens with an Inexperienced Girl.
Since they don't know better, inexperienced and are generally not totally secure with their body/sex, Inexperienced Girls are quick to blame themselves if you lose your boner.
Likewise, they will be flattered if you cum in 42 seconds.
Either way, they aren't holding it against you either.
Most Inexperienced Girls don't masturbate and they don't even know their own pussy or how to please a guy.
They are hoping he does his thing and isn't disappointed with seeing her naked for the first time. In fact, Inexperienced Girls can be quite preoccupied and some just aren't in the moment until you fuck them 3-4 times.
They know it and very rarely hold a double-standard for any dysfunction on the male's side.
Also - it can take a lot for an Inexperienced Girl to fuck a new guy, let alone - go home with a new guy.
If you have an Inexperienced Girl in your bed that you met 45 minutes prior - SHE REALLY LIKES YOU.
She probably thinks you are player, have a ton of options and are good in bed, if you can't get off - she'll generally blame herself.
Another reason not to worry about it.
If you have a good-sized dick, you won't be fitting in a lot of Inexperienced Girls and certainly not Virgins.
This is NOT something that will be held against you.
In fact, although frustrating in the moment (get a blowjob, try to anyway... or have her dance to some music she likes and jerk-off), even inexperienced girls tend to be quite excited with landing a big cock and will give you a non-verbal green light to 'stretch her out' over a couple of sessions.
If you run into to this type of girl, tell the girl to masturbate and do kegels during the week.
She'll usually agree to that.
Tell her that you'll know if she does her homework because your dick isn't get any smaller. Don't ever make her feel bad about her tight little pussy though. Teaching a sweet innocent girl about her body is an amazing thing. She will be loyal to you for months and remember you until the day she dies.
Relationships (Committed or No Strings Attached)
Although the above discussion focuses on "Sex With a New Girl", a lousy performance or two is sure to strike with your girlfriend or fuckbuddy(s).
So long as it's not happening more than 1 out of every 5-6 times, I wouldn't worry about it whatsoever.
You don't have to sweat your performance issues with your girlfriend or fuckbuddies because...
THEY ALREADY LIKE YOU.
Foreplay Is What Girls Are In It For
One of the primary reasons why an emotionally healthy girl won't hold a lackluster first performance (or random, infrequent bouts of dysfunction) against you is -
Many of them are ALREADY fairly satisfied by the time you penetrate them.
Sure, they would like you to finish - but their orgasm and overall experience doesn't completely depend on your ultimate climax.
Foreplay and the emotional lead up is what is most exciting to women.
So long as the foreplay is fairly exciting and you get them off, whether with your mouth or fingers, they are at least somewhat satisfied.
This has been confirmed by every single girl I asked on Facebook before I wrote this.
I want to puke anytime I see a picture like this -
Unless you are giving the girl no foreplay and no orgasms - her sexual experience with you doesn't totally suck.
Again, if you are getting erectile dysfunction on a regular basis - that is a problem and you ought to fix it.
While it's usually 100% psychological, erectile dysfunction can be a sign of low testosterone.
You'll want to fix that too.
But don't think you are powerless to deliver a girl a good experience just because your dick takes the night off.
Get her off with your hands or mouth.
Some girls actually prefer that, even though it's not as "romantic" as intercourse.
Common Sense Says...
Although more sexually-active girls (5+ partners a year, clubs/party scene chicks) aren't representative - for the average girl, sleeping with a guy is somewhat of a big deal, especially if she has dated him for a little while.
Other than a couple one-night stands, for the average girl, sleeping with a guy for the first time it's usually thought out and pre-planned.
In other words, if a girl sleeps with you - SHE LIKES YOU.
Common sense says -
She isn't going to lose interest in you if the FIRST TIME isn't great.
If you like a girl and she isn't great bed the FIRST TIME, are you not going to call her back?
Maybe if you are sleeping with 2-3 other girls.
But most guys aren't there yet.
Ignore the hype.
First-time sex isn't a fucking audition.
What happens, happens. Try to enjoy it.
Obviously there are exceptions to these rules.
No need to write in about it.
By and large, however, the VAST MAJORITY of girls are forgiving and understanding about bouts of sexual dysfunction and aren't expecting perfect sex every time or even the first time.
Most girls are just focused on HOW THEY LOOK and if you still find them sexy in the nude.
The girls that give you a hard time about getting it up or busting early (never happened to me, EVER) or tell their friends - are the same girls that blame their non-orgasm episodes on guys too.
Meaning, they aren't emotionally healthy and/or their pussy has no life. Or both.
They usually know it too.
If they were to masturbate, likely healthy human beings, they would be able get off during the real game.
There's only so much you can do.
Give them foreplay, get them off once with your hand/mouth (if you want) and then stick your dick in them and pound the shit out of them and whatever happens - happens. Cuddle for 5-10 minutes and then send them home and jump back on GoodLookingLoser to tell us about it. (joke)
That has been my attitude toward things and I'm willing to bet part of my family (my Dad's side, everyone on my Mom's is dead) that most girls consider me the best lover/random fuck they have ever had.
Maybe I'm wrong and they all have formed a Facebook group to laugh at me - but I've had no trouble retaining the vast majority of girls I've been with been - for a long time.
So there you have it.
I honestly think that you have very little to worry about when having sex with a new girl for the FIRST TIME or if it's your VERY FIRST TIME.
If you blow your load early or can't get off - just take care of the girl with your hands or mouth. It's not as intimate but girls don't except intimacy when they sleep with a new guy.
This is the technique I default to if I get off too quickly. It's not even that advanced.
Some guys have asked me to post all the super secret sexual techniques I use - this is basically the only one.
I'm not big on techniques.
I do different positions and role play. A lot of guys want to learn sexual techniques to impress girls. That is a waste of time, especially if you don't have much sexual experience. I used to try a bunch of different techniques that I read online. Frankly - none of them were anything special and you are better off growing yourself a nice obnoxious fat dick if you want girls to brag about you and stay as your loyal fuckbuddies.
If your issue is a lack of size or reoccurring dysfunction, do something about it.
We have all the resources and information you need on this site.
I'm not one of those "gurus" that will usually tell you "Just Don't Worry About It!" or "Be Confident!" but frankly on this issue, I'm going to because -
I'm right. Girls (that can orgasm) will confirm this. Ask them.
Just install into your psyche that -
- A girl's experience/orgasm is primarily a product of her current state/sexual/emotional health
- Nearly all girls won't hold a lackluster first-time (or future) performance against you
source: Me; more amazing/lousy sex than 99.99% of guys, some random girls
Bonus: Preventing Performance Anxiety
If erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation is a legit problem for you - that is on you to fix.
No person is going to be happy with a partner that can't consistently perform.
For erectile dysfunction the no-brainer quick-fix is Cialis.
The stuff is fucking awesome and it barely has any side effects, read about it.
At the right dose, which might take some trial and error, it makes your dick hyper-sensitive, completely eliminates ED and perhaps more importantly - the mental block that you won't be able to perform.
The longer-term fix, which you should be doing anyway, is Kegels.
These exercises are super underrated and are a MUST if you have been increasing your size.
Commit to do them for 2.5 months. You tell me if your dick has ever been so hard and sensitive.
It really works if you do them consistently.
I have never really been concerned about premature ejaculation.
Since I use Kratom, I literally can't get off quickly unless I've been teased for hours.
(in which case - it's great)
Kratom can keep you going for long periods of time. Just ask anyone who's used it.
The recommended quick-fix, however, is Priligy.
I'm going to do a writeup on it soon.
Just because I don't have premature ejaculation issues, doesn't mean I haven't tried it. :-)
It's good, really good, it doesn't desensitize you (like tramadol, SSRIs do) - it just makes it harder to hit your PONR (Point of No Return) when you orgasm.
That's why the adult industry is so keen on it.
I will describe it at-length some other time.
I don't recommend it unless you legitimately have premature ejaculation issues or literally want to fuck girls for hours. (which I DO NOT)
The first time I used Priligy, I couldn't get off and had to give myself a handjob, ironically I was with with a new girl.
(And obviously, she didn't give a shit. I had already been inside her for like 40 minutes; she was 3-4 orgasms in.)
Different circumstances, same conclusion - Girls don't expect or demand perfect sex, especially not the first time.
Priligy isn't for me since I don't have premature ejaculation issues.
I can see it being a lifesaver for those that do though.
Edging is also an option.
I did it for several months because I want to shoot my load across a stage (and in this girl's face - we had a weird bet) but it's not something that I feel should be a daily habit since you shouldn't be sitting around 'kinda masturbating' everyday and it may decrease dopamine levels according to our friends at YourBrainRebalanced.