Relationships & Oneitis (Part 1)
(By Rooster, Good Looking Loser Contributor/Livestock)
Forward by Good Looking Loser
There is always a demand for us to talk about relationships and don’t worry- I hear you, we will.
While relationships are no doubt relevant, my main focus to cover nearly all the topics that are related to GETTING LAID since there are VERY FEW websites/guys that specifically cover this topic or even know the difference between GETTING LAID and ‘Meeting Women’.
The criteria, strategies and overall approach to GETTING LAID differ from meeting women, dating or “picking up” girls.
Rooster, today however, is going to talk to you about relationships, why guys sweat one girl too much and how he dug himself out.
This advice might apply to guys that broke up with their girlfriends months/years ago but are still in slumps. Plenty of you guys read our site.
I estimate that 100% of guys will experience something like this and could use some good advice or hope.
No matter how many sexual options you have or how many girls you do, once you meet a special one (or convince yourself of that) – your shit can get twisted.
I’ve even experienced this with fuckbuddies, who in most cases- liked me more than I liked them.
No matter how secure you are or how many options you have, no one is immune when real emotions become involved and the thought of never seeing someone again is a reality.
I don’t want to exaggerate but- a breakup, to a lesser degree, can trigger the SAME FEELINGS and the SAME EMOTIONS as when someone you love dies.
I unexpectedly buried my brother when I was in 4th grade, my friend Keith when I was 28 and both grandparents on my mother’s side. I also had an ex-girlfriend that “disappeared” for almost 3 years. While the lasting impact of those cases was more significant, at the time- I experienced the same feelings in some shape or form when relationships ended before I wanted them to.
It’s natural if you aren’t a sociopath.
The part that isn’t natural or acceptable is the fear that controls your emotions and behavior before anything actually happens.
Oneitis is a psychologically unhealthy condition, often mistaken for ‘love’, in which an insecure guy obsesses, worries and acts compulsively toward and for a girl that he is emotionally and/or physically infatuated in.
The resulting behavior eventually sabotages the relationship and/or leaves him in a completely subservient vulnerable position where he may be emotionally, sexually and sometimes financial exploited to compensate his masculine inadequacies in order to preserve the failing relationship.
It occurs for various reasons, sometimes including but not limited to- a lack of self-esteem, sexual inexperience, social inexperience, poor physical condition and appearance, underdeveloped penis size and nice guy syndrome which has resulted in a lack of sexual options.
- Good Looking Loser
In normal terms-
He believes the girl is perfect and perfect for him.
This belief makes him emotionally invested and heavily attached.
He will do “anything” to make it work. Since HE is not enough, he begins gives all the emotional, physical and sometimes financial support he can.
This generally affects inexperienced guys. But can happen to anyone if a hotter than usual girl comes into a his life. Oneitis could stem from a bunch of things like: dry spells, being single for a long time, wanting validation, being emotionally unstable, and/or if the guy’s a type who craves relationships.
Some guys even become obsessed with the vision of another guy with a bigger cock fucking her while she screams in pleasure. Believe it or not, this type of thing can become a lifetime obsession for some guys, drastically reducing their ability to move on or even become sexually active or emotionally healthy again. I’ll tell you about how/why I know this another time, what the guys were like and what their relationships with their girlfriends/wives (if any) were like.
The main fear of oneitis comes from the thought of life if “perfect” girl leaves you.
The guy has unyielding belief that he will not find another girl like her, or have MAJOR troubles doing so.
Some guys think they will not and cannot find another girl whatsoever.
Logically, most guys knows that this is not true.
Emotionally, however, it is very real to them and this feeling can last for numerous years if not destroyed.
There are two types of Oneitis: Initial and Relationship.
Both have a negative impact on your life built up from false beliefs, low self-esteem and general inexperience.
Initial Oneitis is an overwhelming obsessive crush on ONE girl.
Sure, crushes can be okay, but this can start when you don’t even know the girl at all or worse- if she is your friend and better looking/cooler than you.
Some guys end up feeling this with almost all the girls they date; and every one of their new crushes they believe she’s amazing and truly one of a kind. Most of the time it’s happens within the first few months of dating, but it can even start with just some friend you’ve become infatuated with.
For a lot of guys, this has likely happened to some degree with their first committed relationship. “The first cut’s the deepest”. That’s almost expected with basically no experience – but the issue is that it continues for some guys for most or their entire lives with women.
If you fall for girls easily, you’re going to hit the ground hard, almost every time.
Overtime with gaining experience you’ll realize a lot of girl will come and go, if you were to become invested in girls too easily and quickly, you’re setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster of disappointment and breakups.
On the flip-side, girls usually have a way better feel on their ‘initial oneitis’ – if they believe a guy is TOO COOL and TOO GOOD LOOKING for them, they will consciously pull away from the guy, so they don’t get hurt. (we’ll talk about how to get these girls back sometime, it’s possible because they still like you). Most guys, however, will naively chase heartbreak and become very bitter.
Relationship Oneitis is a near total dependence on your girlfriend for all of your social and emotional needs.
You enjoy what she provides for you in your relationship, which is great. But there can be an expectation that she always will.
You might not feel the same powerful emotion as Initial Oneitis, but when your relationship with her becomes strained, shit hits the fan. You realize how much you “need” her and become a controlling/whipped emotional wreck trying the get her to stay with you.
An emotionally healthy girl will talk to you about this and later break it off with you if you continue being a dependent.
An emotionally unhealthy girl will leverage this against you to justify cheating and claiming “her stake” of your assets.
When you meet and start dating a really cool girl, it can be awesome. There are a lot of positive emotions that start and continue to build overtime.
The issue is that there are also negative feelings that we often just bundle as “normal” for a relationship, and part of the process.
These negative, controlling, obsessive emotions are unhealthy and do not have to be a part of dating.
To remove them, you first need to realize it’s largely from…
BEING DEPENDENT ON HER FOR:
The dreadful thought of having to “get back out on the market” meeting, dating, and building new relationships is hard work to the guy that’s inexperienced. It’s much easier for him to just rely on one girl for his sexual needs. If there is only one sexual girl in your life, this would likely be the biggest reason of dependence.
If you don’t often hang out with friends or people for that matter, she might be your only contact of someone who you enjoy spending time with regularly. People require contact with others. Make a priority to have a life outside of her.
LONELINESS WITH WOMEN
General feeling of just wanting to have a relationship. There’s some belief with guys that they might always be alone if they don’t “lock a girl down” while they’re young. If you despise being single, bouncing from one relationship to the next is not the way to do it. Put significant time with improving yourself and your standards, with the right direction (GLL) and effort you could have both quantity and quality of women in your life before you know it.
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT (and self-worth)
Someone to count on with relating to how you feel. This relates more to your independence as a person. Are you one who relies on your girl to make you feel better? Having emotional support is great, especially when it’s close friends/family that care a lot about your well being. But the more you depend on with a girl, the more a negative impact a potential breakup can be.
You might be close with her group of friends as well as dependent on that social circle for socializing. There can be a fear of an ended relationship with her is an end to socializing with all her friends. This might not always be true, or be a big deal to you, but it’s just another added daunting thought of consequences of a break-up.The more you make your life around her, instead of a great part of it, the more you have to lose.
This is a large part of what creates the neediness that becomes ‘oneitis’, and also the first step to being able to control your emotions. If you change to reliance on different people or girls for these needs of yours, the negative effects will go down.
Signs You Have Oneitis:
General Signs of Oneitis include, but not limited to-
(By Rooster and Good Looking Loser)
- Wanting to be with her 24/7
- Contacting her too much / Wanting to contact her / Examining ways to contact her but not get “caught”
- Calling her with something pointless to say with the intention of “checking on her”
- Over-thinking or analyzing what she says, texts, voicemails, Facebook status or the people in her life
- Fantasizing of a long-term future with her without having any commitment whatsoever (leave this for the girls to do)
- Trying to set rules on uncommitted relationships
- Wanting to always know where she is
- Wanting to always know who she is with
- Not being able to go to sleep if there is a text that hasn’t been replied to
- Looking at photos of her on Facebook/Instagram more than 1 times a week, especially older photos that contain ex-boyfriends
- Neediness / Dependence (listed above)
- Contacting her when she said a specific time that she’d call you
- Wanting to control her or implement 24/7 surveillance over her
- Checking her cell phone when she sleeps over (GLL used to do this, even in 2009)
- Often worrying on daily basis if she “likes” you anymore
- Staging moments so you can look good or “help” her
- Posting tagged photos with her the same day they are taken
- Volunteering time, resources or money to her that you can’t afford to give away
- Ditching your friends more than 2 times a week to hang out with her
- Driving to a location nearby her place, hoping to “randomly” run into her
- Coming to where she works, after you’ve already done that once before
- Calling her after a date to make sure she still likes you
- Doing nothing on your weekends if you aren’t with her
- Purposely not washing dirty sheets if she’s been in your bed
- Significantly caring about her past sex life
- Talking bad about her friends because you want her all to yourself
If you have any more than 2 of these, you have significant oneitis and SHOULD NOT pursue a relationship of any sort with the girl until you fix your shit NOW or after you get your heart broken.
Signs of Obsessive Oneitis include, but not limited to-
(By Good Looking Loser)
- Writing a letter to the girl
- Online stalking
- Trying to impress her with gifts you can’t afford
- Wanting to show up and “surprise her” more than 1 time in 30 days
- Knowing that she will make a lousy girlfriend and still pursuing her for a relationship
- Stealing panties/dirty panties/socks/lingerie
- Not throwing her used cigarette butts, tissues with snot, gum, trash away
- Jerking off to pictures of her after you’ve messed around with her
- Smelling/licking the outside of the used condom that was inside of her
- Looking for her pubic hairs in the bed or on the toilet rim
- Plugging her name into all search engines, social media platforms, etc.
- Bi-Polar thoughts of the girl (She is perfect… I hate her… I don’t care… She is perfect…)
- Wanting to kill yourself if you can’t be with her (get help)
- Wanting to kill the girl if you can’t be with her (get help)
- Wanting to kill any guys that are in her life (get help)
- Rigging a toilet to catch and trap the girl’s waste*
* GLL says:
one of my hot friends, Danielle, claimed that she was certain that a friend (who liked her but later proved to be a freak) was doing this to her.
There’s a whole story behind it that I won’t go into but I just wanted to point out that is probably a sign of Obsessive Oneitis.
When we go out, I make sure to tell the story to people we just met to see their reaction in front of her.
All these signs/symptoms/behaviors are extremely unattractive and are damaging to the relationship, regardless of how far it has progressed.
But if you realize that this is not a healthy or usual part to dating/relationships and that it can be avoided or controlled- then you can rid yourself of this disease and start to have emotionally healthy relationships for the right reasons.
(assuming the girls don’t have similar issues)
The negative emotions drive you to want to do more to protect the relationship (or what you had before the relationship). It’s usually from the thought of her leaving you/being with another guy that brings upon your insecure, controlling feelings; which feeling then results in your controlling and overprotective actions which inflicts further damage.
These actions (the signs listed), drive the girl away.
The feelings that guys act upon to try and keep the girl in the relationship results in being the reason why it ultimately ends.
This can happen to both guys and girls, but it’s usually is the men who struggle with it the most.
This is why the majority of time – it’s the guys (not the girls) who want to establish, label, and enter the relationship. And Also why majority of time girls are the ones who first decide to end it.
“But she’s not like other girls!”
Yes she is.
I’m not saying your girl isn’t somewhat special, but if you haven’t been with a lot of women, can you really confidently say she’s that rare?
If you were to spend a bit of time improving your sex appeal, social freedom, and actually hit the numbers…
Do you honestly believe you won’t find anyone better, even though odds are in your favor you will?
The truth is – you are totally compatible with hundreds of thousands of other people, most of which you will never meet.
Odds are that you will ultimately have better chemistry with some of them than whichever girl you are currently sweating.
The chances are low that the traits, dreams, looks, etc. in whichever ONE GIRL you are obsessed over aren’t replicated hundreds of thousands of times over the entire population. If you nail even 20 girls you’ll come to see this.
Oneitis happens most often to inexperienced guys.
Inexperienced guys believe their girl is rare… and they don’t have the experience to change their mind.
Yet Their Belief Still Stands…
The average (slightly more than totally inexperienced) guy isn’t in much better shape.
- The average guy doesn’t approach.
- He dates and fucks girls that were made available to him through social circle and perhaps his work.
- He then gets laid a handful of times in his life. He ends up marrying the girl that is safe and looking for a relationship at the same time he is.
If he put a bit of time improving sex appeal and hitting the numbers he could find a lot new women who are just as or higher quality than his wife… but that pushes the comfort zone a bit so it’s easier to just settle for a safe choice that isn’t that much worse looking than he.
This average/normal lifestyle may be just right for some guys, that’s totally fine and up to you.
If you do find a girl that you really like, or already have been for awhile that’s cool.
Just be aware of what you depend on her for, as well as your real potential if anything were to happen.
Don’t assume you’ll never get a girl like you again; odds are overwhelming you will with some effort and direction.
And you if don’t, you can always consent to financial slavery with a gold digger that is past her prime and contact me on Adult Friend Finder and I’ll fuck her in front of you if she won’t give you any action. Getting your shit together is probably a better idea for the long-term however.